Amusing.

Bruce Herald, Volume IX, Issue 811, 13 June 1876, Page 3

Amusing.

♦ A broken-hearted widow, who recently lost her husband, dyed her lapdog black while waiting for the winter styles in mourning dress to be announced. In rivalry to the celebrated monument on Bunker's Hill, New York intends to elevate a statue of Bunkum on a hill, to be called henceforth Bunkum Hill. William Fleming, of Monroe, is the latest Enoch Arden. He came home after an inexplicable absence of two years, and when he found that his wife had not married again, he went off again as quickly as possible. A Western judge has declared it to be a good ground for divorce for a woman to tie her husband to a gate-post during a violent thunderstorm, with a patent light-ning-rod bitched to his spinal column. A lady had her dress trimmed with bugles before going to a ball. Her little daughter wanted to know if the bugles would blow when she danced. " Oh, no," said tbe mother, " papa will do that when he sees tbe bill." A gentleman bad been summoned in Paris for encouraging small boys by throwing coppers to them to open Blides on the flagway near his bouse. He confessed to the policeman he did so as he expected his mother-in-law to dinner. The late Reverend Daniel Isaac was both a great wag and a great smoker. "Ha ! there you are," cried a lady, who surprised him one day with a pipe in his mouth, "at your idol again !" " Yes, ma'am," replied he, coolly ; " burning it." •' I find there are half-a-dozen young patridges in the letter," said a gentleman to a servant, by whom a lot of game had been sent to him. The servant replied, " Sir, I am glad you have found them in the letter, for they all flew out of the baskets Too True.— We hear of men confessing on their death-bed to the crimes of murder, abduction, and incendiarism, but who ever heard of a man confessing to borrowing his neighbor'B paper instead of subscribing for one of his own ? Nobody. Death cannot scare thafc man. When a boy has been off all day, contrary to the expressed wish of hia mother, and on approaching the home at night with an anxious and cautious tread, finds company at tea, the expression of confidence and rectitude which suddenly lights up his face cannot be reproduced on canvas. Two Scotch students, desiring to make themselves comfortable, had a stove put in their chamber ; one bought the stove and the other paid the mason to have a hole cut in the chimney. They broke up housekeeping the other day, and divided the effects. One had the stove and tbe other the hole. An Irishman, in contending for the antiquity of certain families in his native country, urged as a proof, that from time immemorial a certain constellation bad borne the name of O'Ryan (Orion), adding, " Sure, and everybody knows that it was a prize fighter he was, and that's how he came by the belt !" A theatrical query as to the origin of the words " bringing down the house," is replied to that it originated at Boston, where the people from the gallery stormed the stage on the occasion of a great success. Perhaps the originator was, after all, Samson, for he brought down the house on his last appearance. A son of Mr Grahame, the author of ' The Sabbath,' was very tall and exceedingly thin. One day, walking on the floor of the Parliament House, be attracted the notice of Mr Clark. " Who is that ?" asked the wit. He was answered, " The son of « The Sabbath.' " "Is he, indeed ?" aaid Clark. "He looks more like the son of the Fast-day." Two colored men had a little trouble on the post.oflice corner. Sir, I stigmatise you as a falsehoodfier !" exclaimed the first. " And you, sir, are a cantering hepelcrite!" replied the second. "Ah! talk away," growled the first, " but my character ia above disproach !" " And your influence don't detacb from, my reputation one lowa !" growled tbe other, and they parted. During a Parliamentary, election for the county of Perth, Sir John Campbell solicited a farmer named M'Gregor to speak to his son in order to get him to vote for Sir George Murray. The farmer said it was positively useless, as his son had pledged himself to the opposite party. "He is not a true M'Gregor," said Sir John ; " there is some bad blood in hinu'* 41 1 wadna doubt," assented M'Gregor, " for his mother was a Campbell,' 1