Humors of the Bench.

Bruce Herald, Volume IX, Issue 807, 30 May 1876, Page 7

Humors of the Bench.

Attention has already been drawn to the humorous utterances of Bailie Brown, one of the Magistrates of Musselburgh. At the last court held in the " honest town n the Bailie was again in fine form. During the hearing of a small-debt case it came out in evidence that the disputed bargain had been made in a public-house. " Faith," said the Bailie. " I've no that much faith in publicliouso bargains. Were ye weel on when the contract was struck ?" The defender did not seem to understand the question, but ihe Bailie soon suited his comprehension by inquiring, " Hoo raony drains had ye ?" The witness protested that he " hadna ower much," whereat "the Magisterial humorist replied sarcastically, " I am sure o' that. Folk that gang intae public-hooses never drink ower much." The case was settled by a small award, and the parties left the bar, after having the satisfaction of being called "siily bodies," by the dignified judge. At the Police Court, Alexander Bain, miner, Kelby, Fife, was charged with being found drunk in the public street. The following dialogue ensued :— Bailie —Is your name haiu ? Prisoner— Aye, sir. Bailie— You'll liae met wi' a lot o banes in yer lifetime ? You suld look out for an antidote, man ? (The prisoner here smiled sadly) Bailie (continuing — Whar de ye come frae ? Prisoner— Kelby, in Fife, sir. When did ye leave ? Prisoner— Wednesday, sir. Bailie — Och, man, you've no had time tao get acquaint wi' oor drink. What do ye think we suld dae wi' ye ? Prisoner— (earnestly)— Jist shove me awa', sir. I'll never come back. Losh, I've made a sair mistake this time. Bailie— I dinna see that, though. If ye hadna made that mistake ye michtuae hae met in wi' a' the braw company you've seen this morning. Loud laughter, in which the prisoner joined, followed this sally, in the midst of which the "mistaken" one vas "shored avra\" A woman named Mrs Mungo Park was subsequently charged with permitting a chimney to go on fire, but pleaded that as she paid the firemen for extinguishing it, no further demands should be made upon her. " Ah," said the Bailie, solemnly, "that's your opinion ; but there is a superior poower about a' things. Tbc rule here is half-a-croon."