The Intelligent Vagrant.

Bruce Herald, Volume VII, Issue 655, 4 December 1874, Page 5

The Intelligent Vagrant.

• " Quis sett an adjlclant kodiernee orastina stvmmoe Tempora di Super!." — Horace. I like enthusiasm in any cause, but such enthusiasm as I am about to describe may be, at times, annoying. The respectable editor of this paper was very hard up for copy last night, and was waiting anxiously for his letters by post to relieve his trouble. At half-past seven he sent a small boy, with the key of the post-office box, for the letters. At half- past eight the boy had not returned, and the foreman printer had nearly reduced the editor to idiotcy by his demands for copy. So another small boy was sent to look for the first small boy, and presently returned to say that, the rain having just begun, the first small boy had thought it would have been flying in tho face qf Prqvidence to let slip such a chance of catching eels, and so had gone a. fishing to the river, and had taken with him, for a sinker, the key of the Post Office box. And I know no more ; for at this point, the language of the foreman, printer, and of the editor, became no* o . Qo( j for me to hear. " & If anyone will take the trouble of looking down the prize list of the Agricultural Show at Tokomairiro yesterday, he or she Avill notice one thing peculiar, That is, the generosity of gentlemen in giving prises for particular classes of animals,, and then going in and taking those prizes themselves. I draw attention to this in order that I may put matters straight for those who, reading, niigln think that we had a queer way of doing things in Tokomairivo,, The fact is that the gentlemen who, won prizes given by themselves intend to bestow those prizes, or their equivalent value, in charity. I vouch for this, and I am certain the gentlemen who have had

the luck I have described have far too great a respect for me to make me state the thing which is not true. ; I can find nothing more apposite to the case in point, than the ■.well worn saying " two of. a trade can never agree." A poor grinder of a barrel-organ has recently come to Dunedin, and endeavoured t> get a living by grinding his organ there. And who do you think has objected to tie harmless creature and his music ?. Why the very prince of literary barrel-organ grinders. One who produces his work without a morsel of intellectual effort; who simply puts in a barrel of somebody else's thoughts, and grinds away at them for the benefit of his readers. A fellow Avho cannot be original even in the finding of a name over which to write, or of an expression to make his own. I, in this conjuncture, stick-up for the musical barrel-organ grinder, as opposed to the literary. He is the lesser evil of the two. I do not know why people should dislike the fortunate man who, some fifteen or twentyyears ago, bought fourteen acres of land for £7, and has just sold them for £3,455 ! And yet numbers of people talk as if this man's good speculations were to their positive injury . 1 cannot see it. At the time the land was sold for £7, 1 suppose no one except the then pur chaser was willing to give any more for it. In all such cases as this there is, as it seems to me, but one fact always exemplified, namely, the mistake made by a State in parting with the fee simple of the public land. Mr Stout has been laughed at by wiseacres, for giving this same opinion his countenance. But Mr Stout is not the first man who has been in the right, and has been laughed at. In connection Avith the sale of land, which I have got writing about, let me notice that, on the authority of a New York paper, the whole of that city and county was purchased for twenty-four dollars in 1625. I have received a letter of unanimous remonstrance from the ladies and gentlemen sheep exhibited at the Tokomairiro Show yesterday. It says, "We saw you on the ground to-day, and consider that you have a tender heart, for we overheard you say to a brute who was poking us in the ribs, and who asked you if you were a good judge of sheep and lambs, that you were not, unless in connection with red currant jelly and mint sauce. That has induced us to address you on the cruelties inflicted on us, by those who are good judges under any circumstances. Not alone, Sir, are we taken from comfortable paddocks and walked a long way in the dust before breakfast, and kept penned up and panting all day — not only is this the case, but ever}"- brute on two legs, who comes to look at us, pokes us in the ribs with a stick, cries ' hi ! hi ! ' to make us turn this way or that, and drags us about by our fleeces. Our opinion is that these Shows are only subtle modes of inflicting torture upon animals." I have a little ad vice to give to people who kick out editors. Before you get rid of them get them to write their own notices of departure, else in doing these for them yourselves you may show that your editorial arrangements are out in the way of grammar. As an instance, I find certain people advertising that "Mr Smith B. Jones's services ceased in connexion with the 'Molyneux Malt Tub' from this date." How's that for tense ? All people know their own business best, and in what I am about to say, I wish it to be understood that I do not contemplate dictating to Presbyterians, whether or no they should use instrumental music in their churches. My desire is merely to make an observation on what the Rev Mr M'Naughton said at the Dunedin Presbytery. He is reported to have said that his experience was that instrumental music rather hindered than aided the congregation. I fear the llev. Mr M'Naughton's notions of instrumental music must be like those of the apocryphal Mrs Harris described by Mrs Gamp. That lady was once, it will be remembered, engaged in adding to the population, which so overcame Mr Harris, that he went into fits on the backyard flags, and howled incessantly, " Is it a boy ? " And Mrs Gamp related how Mrs Harris was calmed under the the circumstances by being told his " 'owls was organs."' Mr M'Naughton' s notions of organs must be like those of Mrs Harris. It is pretty well known that an active competition is going on in the newspaper world at present, and that there are canvassers out all over the Province for advertisers and subscribers. To show how close these gentry are cutting each other, I may mention that one of them was, in his travels, about to enter a township somewhere up North and saw a rival before him. He was a great friend of a business man in the township and presumed upon it so far as as to rush to the Telegraph Office and transmit to Dunedin an order for a half-column advertisement for his friend, fiving the words at a cost of ss. He said to imself "I know Bob," (that was his friend's name) " won't refuse me an advertisement." Soon he came to his friend's place of business, and saw a new name over the door. Enquiring, he presently found that his friend had retired to H.M.s Gaol, Dunedin, for six months' for embezzling or something of the kind. In instantly countermanding the order for the advertisement, he did not, however, mention this latter fact.