MY RESPECTABLE FRIEND.

Bruce Herald, Volume VI, Issue 353, 1 February 1871, Page 3

MY RESPECTABLE FRIEND.

By Vagabu> t dt;s. There are some people in this world who with no rapitnl, bnt n certain species of brain and unlimited impndeuef\ contrive, to exact an unhesitating- homage ot respect from their fellow creatures, go through life easily and comfortably, and when they die, receive a kind of social canouisaiiou | at the hands of mankind — in the form of obi'uary notices or monumental erec'ions, which they hare never done one single earthly act to render them deserving* of. It seems to me a fashionable mania i» this enlightened nineteenth century. I ha i> a come to the conclusion that rhe secret consists in the fact alone, chat such people are always so highly respectable. { The above forced itself upon ray mind through my coming across my friend Bouncylegs in the great provincial capital the other day. I am not on speaking terms with Bouncylegs, much less visiting* The reason is obvious. Bouneylegs is so highly respectable; I — merely what my name indicates. I am, therefore, constrained by fate to gaze on Bouncylegs from a humble distance, — like a costly statue, look on him without touching — and be content to warm my common, starved and vagrant self in the suuliglu of this unbounded respectability. Seeing | Bouncylegs the other morning 1 , tho idea embodied in my' opening*, sentences rushed into my. brain, and X resolved to immortalise the great man for the behoof and

i vantage of the vagrant fraternity at irge. My respectable friend is of the tribe of nerchants, and loves to show himself vliere most they congregate. Up to the iresent rime, he hus only been through ".'ie court of bankruptcy once. Some of lis enemies — ail respectable men are »ound to have detractors — consider this* nice too often, but to the generality of the world, as represented in the provincial •apital, rhe foot is almost too trivial to attract mnich public attention, and, on the whole, h considered as increasing rather ban deore-isinjr mv friend's acknowledged respectability of character. As Bouncy-ifrt-s most honorably paid his creditors two -hillings and sis pence instead of twenty shillings, and not more than four lesser liybts were hopelessly extinguished beyond the power of re-ilUiniinatton by the nffiir, it could not bo considered as otherwise than an unmerited misfortune which had overtaken a most eminently respectable citizen. The lesser lights did, I believe, throw out some dark bints relative to reckless speculation, and to Bouncylegs having; been planting something or somewhere, but the idea was scouted unanimously by ! the others; and as mv friend B. threw out threats in bis turn against the baser 1 lights of damages l)eini>' recoverable for defamation, etc., they thought it possibly advisable to go out without iurther disturbance, and leave the s'ar of the untor- ! t.imate victim to commercial depression to shiiie on with redoubled splendour and undiminishpd respectability. My friend is a Justice of the Peace, ft is a popular error to suppose that intellectual capacity is necessary to fit. a person |to hold the commission. Respectability is quite sufficient ; given that, and anything 1 more is .inne.^ss'irv, no r to say superfluous. Bouncylcgs is in his elnmfint when he is adorning" the Court of Justice. I was forcibly impressed on one occasion by hear- * ing 1 him reading- a brother vagrant a most wholesome and respectable paper on the evils and wickedness of imbibing 1 strong" | drinks too fraelv, and when he despatched imv fellow- wanderer to three months' i sojourn in Her Majesty's Gaol with hard labor; I could not but contemplate Bouncy-l^g-s with reverential awe, and hold him to be fijp very soul and embodiment of even-handed jus! ice. Con^quenth', when. T cimfi aecross him an hour or so afterwurds playing 1 '' Yankee Grab " in a leading ho'el in the great city, with those friends f'>r brandies cold, I was a little staggered I mist conies?, and thought it in si possible he mi slit injure his reputation by su doing, for which f should have been sorely g-rievod, but I discovered afterwards that this would be an impossibility for mv friend to have achieved. Ido not mean"to insinuate, not because he had none to injure, quite the contrary, but simply bpcau-e everybody know him and he vis so hi<jhlv respectable, lis po*se<ses ar.---j o'!i' j r title besides that ct J.P., he is sn I M P.O. I forg-et whsf particular district jhe represents : it; is 1 ministerial — say the district "f Any vrhere. He was elected by an overwhelming majority. The very mvi ; ])olit!c:il influence : strong supporter of" the settlers, nuti-squutter ; highly re-spec-ablo: Bouncy logs for Anywhere. True, his oratory is aiike ungrainmatical, and at times slightly confining to the listener's comprehension, but lie is superlative in promises. He will promise everything and anything" his constituents may ask, and it is not wi'hin the bounds of possibility that he villperfnnn, only so far as in his political respflctahilky he may deem it advisable for hi? own interests to do so. Mv friend is a disciple of Presbytery, a respectable mixture of the earth earthy, and of the heaven heavenly. He attends kirk regularly. Sometimes his j attention to his ivligious exercises is a little restless and a:»t to wander, especially when the Sabbath tails upon the third day of the month is a day of some anxiety to ! Bouncyleg's, and he distrusts the Bank { manager-, who in his turn would give the I outside world to understand that his confidence in Bouncyleg's is unlimited, he is i so respect ible, but who. nevertheless, is apt to Oe a little short and sharp when my friend most desireth him to be a good deal long 1 and sweet. My respectable friend is great on school examinations, and is high in the debtor an I creditor books of society in the matter of charitable institution 1 ?, at least those who publish the. donors and their gifts. He is dis'ing'iiished in committees, civic and provincial. He is ambitions of the Upper House or the Superintendence 1 ", and is by no means avers*? to n little sinecure ' under Government that might enhance his respectability if that wore possible. Since I huve written tiie above, a flying" rumur has been conveyed to ray disreputable ear, that, ray friend hath it in confemnlntioo shortly to travel through the I valley of the. sb;\do>.v of bankruptcy once again. There is some talk of a dividend, should he so journey, that, will be less than nothing. Flax h the rri'e assigned. In the meantime my respectable friend drives his buggy and pair and looks darkly on the Bank man ag-er.