CHIPS FROM MANY BLOCKS.

Bush Advocate, Volume XXIV, Issue 26, 20 April 1912, Page 2

CHIPS FROM MANY BLOCKS.

SCOTTISH WIT. A Scottish recruit stood on guard before a Colonel's tent when the Colonel, putting out his head, said sternly to the new recruit: "Who are you?" ' The recruit grinned and -Answered : "Fine! Hoo's yerself ?" GENERALLY THE WAY. Hicks: "Did the Coroner's jury fix the responsibility for that railroad accident?" ■Dicks: "Yes, they blamed the jeweller who sold the train despatcher that alarm clock." ONLY TEMPORARILY. ■ He: "If an old millionaire on the verge of the grave wanted to marry you, would you throw me over?" She: "Not necessarily. Still, you might liave to wait a year or two." H!S WIFE SLEPT. "The after-lunch nap is my favourite hour of the whole day." "I tTiought you didn't sleep after lunch," "I don't, but/my wife does." • FOND OF HER FOWLS. An old lady, proudly showing her fowl run to visitors, said: "Yes, I am very fond of my fowls. I have brought them up from little chicks, and fed and cared for them so that they seem quite like my own children. We are going to have one for dinner next Sunday." OUTSIDE THE RADIUM. The lecturer: "Now, can any boy tell me something about radium?" Smart Youth: "Yes, sir, Radium is an imaginary line, outside which London cabmen charge a shilling extra." SHAKE! "Young man, do vou guarantee this stuff to kill beetles?" inquired the old lady in the chemist's shop. '"'Positively, ma'am," replied the polite assistant, "T don't see no directions on tho bottle. How is it used?" "Shake the bottle, and take a spoonful three times a day," replied the clerk, absent-mindedly. PRIDE OF BIRTH. Employe/ (to hopeful applicant for a job): "Have you been well brought up, my, lad ?" Hopeful applicant: "Yes, sir, I came up the elevator!" WHILST THE PROMPTER SLEPTA tragedian once came to a dead halt in the middle of a lofty passage, just after saying, "I was in Home, and then " but what he did on that occasion had slipped his mind. He glanced at the prompter, but that official had fallen asleep over his book. "He stamped, bpt the prompter slept on. Thereupon he calmly knelt down and shook the poor prompter until he woke, when he thundered in his ear. "Now, you loafer, what was I doing in Rome ! J " HER HOPES. A clergyman was about to leave his church one evening, when he encountered an old lady examining the carving on the font. Finding her desirous of seeing the beauties of the church, he volunteered to show her over, and the flustered old ladv, much gratified at this unexpected' offer of a personally-con-ducted tour, shyly accepted it. By-and-bye they came to . a handsome tablet on the right of the pulpit.. "That," explained the good man, "is a memorial tablet erected to the memory of the late vicar." "There, now! Ain't it beautiful?" exclaimed the admiring old ladv, still flustered and anxious to please. "And I'm sure, sir, I 'ope it won't be long afore we see one erected to you on t'other side." HEAR, HEAR! Mr. Pierpont Morgan tells a story of the Yukon Valley, where in Winter the roads, never very good, ara mere trails that can be traversed only by dog-sledges. A certain bishop had been up in Ala-lui. and at one point on his journey where several trails crossed he met a miner, also out with a dog team. -They stopped and talked some time. | "What was your road like?" the bishop asked. The miner broke into violent abuse of the road, describing it in terms of picturesque and complicated profanity, winding up with the question: "And what kind of trail did you have?" The bishop, who had listened in silence to the other's remarks, ' replied feelingly: "Same as yours!"