WIT AND HUMOUR.

Bush Advocate, Volume XVI, Issue 581, 3 December 1904, Page 3

WIT AND HUMOUR.

A tall gentleman, in morning attire, looking like a country squire, was recently accosted by a one-armed mendicant of the Longshoreman Billy type. He looked the latter over, and then kindly said: "How did you lose your arm, my man?" "Well, it's like this, sir," was the reply. "The lost time I went to sea, we was caught in a cyclone off Cape Horn. The ship went over on her beam ends, so the cap'en orders me and Jim to go out on 'the yardarm to keelhauly the bo'sprit, and ter splice the jib-boom to the mainmast. I was a-hangin' on to the topgallant rattlins, when Jim suddenly let go his endi an'- 1 was pitched fotty feet into the hold, an' broke my arm." The gentleman laughed, but gave him nothing, and said as he went- on his way: "That's a capital yarn. You ought to have been a sailor!" The discomfited beggar watched his late interrogator with a malevolent expres- t sion, then saw a crossingrSweepßr touch, his hat most deferentially to him. Going up to the sweeper afterwards, the one-armed swindler said: j "Who's 'c?" r '•"Him !" replied the sweeper. 9 "Don't you know who that is? Why, that's Admiral My good little man," said the visiting pastor, "I am afraid you've been fighting. A black eye ! Don't you want me to pray with you?" "Naw," aaid the good little man ;■ "run home and pray with your own kid. He's got two black eyes." "Won't. you have another biscuit?" asked tlr> hostess. "No, thank you," she replied; "really, I don't know how many I've eaten already." "I do," said little Robbie, eagerly; "you've ate seven. I've been counting." A man made a wager with a lady that lie cotdd thread a needle .quicker than she could sharpen a lead pencil. The man wop. — time, fourteen minutes forty seconds. It is thought that the result would have been different if the woman had not run out of lead pencils inside of five minutes.. * Artist: Now give me your candid,opinion of the picture! Critic: It is utterly worthless. Artist: Yes, I know your opinion is worthless, but.:'! ,sm curious to hear it, •-' nevertheless. v £•■ A :: „ • A, popular Welsh divine was absorbed in his study, and, . while engrossed in a knotty sermon his little daughter/ of about four summers, entered and aaid: "Dada, may^ I have jSome of your grapes?" "Yes,- niy deax^take a handful;" said the minister/ abstractedly. . But, after a pause, the little girl replied: '.■'"'■ ; I "I prefer yoii to give them, dada." "Why?" said, her father. "They are nice grapes." „ "■-: ■';• '- : -^ ,*-•;.■", J: :•.■.'•'.' } . L "Well,, dada, you's got, a larger hand than. I Have." • • ,