WIT AND HUMOUR.

Bush Advocate, Volume XI, Issue 860, 18 November 1893, Page 5

WIT AND HUMOUR.

The reason that an undertaker is rarely a melancholy mnn is because he can always bury himself in his business.

a ciruXAiiY ri:ocr,KM. We were busy one day in the kitchen, I deep in Home cook-book lore, And be perched up on tho table Driving a " coaoh-and-four." But when I had fiuished this sentence In a reoeipt I had found, " Set on the stove and stir constantly," The driver looked around. And leaving his play for a minute, He whispered in my ear, " How could anyone 'set on the stove' And not 'stir constantly,' dear ? "

' ' By the way, Bishop, why is it that you always address your congregation as ' brethren' and never mention the women in your Bermont ?" " But, my dear madam, the one embraces the other." " Oh, but, Bishop, not in the church !" Drill Sergeant (ifallant Umpty Ninth) : " Xow, thin, Cassidy, what is th' ti-r-st movement in "bout face'?" Recruit: "When the command is i;iven yez advanca the roiaht fut threo inches ter the rear." A Lovely Idea. — Oscar Wilde was intro ducedata recent garden party in London to Mrs Oogood, of Knebworth House. In the course of a few minutes' talk (says the "Recorder") it was divulged that the lady was on the eve of departing for America. " Going to America?" said Oscar ; " dcah me ; what for, now ?" "To see my husband," was the reply. Oscar stared sleepily at her in astonishment. Dropping languidly into a chair, he paid : " Going till the way to America to see your own" (with the accent on the own) " husband ? Peah me ! "What a lovoly ideuh '." She broko the Dish. — A girl in a M.iine village, who mado her homo with her i.uut, was often disturbed (says the Lewi»ion " .lournal") by evidences of the old lady's indifference to everything but the welfare of her own material possessions. One day, in gointf dow.i cellar for some butter, slietrippod and fell heavily quito a distance. Themaklen auut rushed to tho door, and, peering down into tho darkness called out sharply, " iJ'yo broiik tho dish ';" "No !" thundered back tho niece, for once thoroughly aroused : "no ! hut I will !" and she shivered it with hearty goodwill ngaiuat tho oellar wall, Tho old lady was so shocked by this dramatic exhibition of malice that she took to her bed and kept it for a week

A lady in Hong Kong engaged a Chinese. When the Celestial came, among' other things she asked his name. ' ' My name," said tho Chinaman, smiling', "ia Wang Hanp Ho." " Oh, I can't remember all that," said the lady; "I will have to call you John." Next morning when John came up to ffnt his orders, he smiled all over and looking inquiringly at his mUtress asked: " What your name';" "Mynanio is Mra Melville Landon." "Me no memble all that," wiid John. "Chinaman he no Bavey Missus Alembul Laudon — I call you TommT."

Consumptive Fireman: "What do you think of a wanner climate for me, doctor?" Doctor : " My dear man, that's juat -what I am trying to save you from."