THAT CLOVEN HOOF, HARMONIUM, SCHOOLMASTER, MEPHLSTOPHELES, AND BALAAM'S ASS.

Bush Advocate, Volume I, Issue 40, 7 August 1888, Page 2

THAT CLOVEN HOOF, HARMONIUM, SCHOOLMASTER, MEPHLSTOPHELES, AND BALAAM'S ASS.

(To The Editor.) Sir, — Apologising to you for not making my identity clear in yom* eyes, I beg to insert tho following ; — It has reached me by " Dame Rumor " (whose underlinen, anyhow, is too short by a couple of inches) that a certain irritable schoolmaster is manifestly desirous of seeking a quarrel with one whose composure, alone, is almost an insult to \\\n disorder, It is not this, Mr Editor, I write you about, however. That would be too childish and absurd. But " MakojjukuV' dagger &ndj H M&kotuku'a "

cloak that I have to deal With. I can a tale unfold (not a caudal protu-r. berance, for I am not conscious of any lengthening of the lower vertebrae ; I do not come within that unwholesome category, as the "object" might imply) and I will proceed to prove it. JExpressuvi facie cessare tmitum. Firstly, then ? I raised the question as to the legitimate use of the harmonium, which was quite right and proper. The truth always hits hardest, though, and in this case it was a "stunner."" Secondly, I communicated anonymously, a thing I have never done before. But he's only got my word for it, hasn't he, that dear Mr Schoolmaster. It behoves me, therefore, to explain why and how I came to do such a monstrosity ! Simply because —others from Makotuku have done the same by me, and I have never to this day found them out. I despair now ever doing so. But I euchred you though. Foggy, didn't I. You are .one of those supramundame individuals who are— at lucid times— above the average, and at others sink below it. This encephalic disease baffles all foresight. Thirdly, backbiting is not proper. I have done something like it, but with the full intention of revealing myself. Others have done the same thing without, I am sorry to say, the same ultimate qualities. Therefore, those who live in glass houses should'nt throw stones. Perhaps I might justifiably exclaim, The mean.ness I am taught I will execute • and it shall go hard, but I will better the instruction. And yet I did not cover my trail over carefully enough, did I, eh ? It shines like Parian marble ! Oh, don't it, now ? Nitor splendens Pario marmore purius. It had been my wiU all along, so soon as " Foggy " had obviously proved himself to carry that burden " Balaam," to announce ; my identity. My name then, sweet : B. A. appears fully in the subscription, and I live at M , where I shall be happy to entertain you— with shot : and shell. Castigate, non quod odio habeam sed quod amem. So-long, ■ Foggy; ta, ta, then !— all is fair in love and war, and remember, parva leves sapint animous. Who would not die in that " harmo- ' monium's" cause? ;• Since, if base fear his dastard step | withdraws, From death he cannot fly ; one common grave ! Receives, at last, the coward and the brave. I ara, yours etc., W. D. Jones Priohaed. Nee Dick Swiveller, nee Talbot ■ Cecil Stanley de Montmorrency le Vavasour, very sour !— nee breeches ! i -wouldn't you like to have him there, Foggy ?