THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 210, 6 September 1939, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

Mention of cities being 'blacked out as a precaution against air raids reminds me of the story of an old Scotsman who was very ill and realised his A "BLACKOUT." end was near. He lived in tlie backblocks and one night when feeling particularly bad he said to his wife. ''Maggie,'l feel that Ia in ■So Maggie lit a candle and placed it on the dressing table. Til go an' fetch vc a doctor, Donald, 'but it'll *l>e some time before I <*et •hack, as he lives four miles away." "In ca«; I'm gone befone ye fret back. Maggie. I'll just wish ye good-ibye 1100." "Good-bye, Dona ld.' said Maggie. "And if vc feel yersel' iroinar while I'm away, just blow the ca'ndle oot it won't go on burning for nothing."—Johnny.

In a certain school not so many shanghaithrows from the city it is customarv at least one day each week for teachers to spend half an hour pointing out to SECOND the pupils how necessary THOUGHTS, it is to be careful when

crossing streets to look both to right and left before lea vine the footpaths. The other day one teacher told his cla»s lio>\ a little 'boy had been presented on his birthday with a'bicycle, and, like most boys, he considered after a couple of lessons he was a sufficiently good rider to ? o anywhere. Ignoring the warnings of his parents, the boy became flustered when he pot mixed up in a congested stream of traffic, and the result was that he was knocked off his cycle a »<* fatally injured. There was a silence of about ten seconds, and then a voice from the back of the class asked, "What 'became of bike V—»Tohnnv.

New Zealand's army is gradually taking shape. One 'body of the reserve had only just settled down in their billets when the alarm

_ was sounded. A "brass KITCHEN DRILL, hat"' was arriving. "Turn

out the guard!"' someone shrieked. Hastily tunics were donned and 1 ifles grabbed. In the excitement of the moment the cook, carrying a- rice pudding in one hand and a dish of stewed apricots in the other, tripped and fell heavily, depositing the labours of his culinary art oil the kitchen floor. Xo comment was made by the inspecting officer as he passed through the room a few minutes later, .but it was noted that he jrazed with apparent fascination at "cookv" standing rip-idly at attention with a large floor mop as a sulistitute for a rifle. When the visitor had left, one of the Diggers reproved "cooky" thu.«; That bloke was a field officer. You should have brought that mop to the 'present.'B.C.H.

A Glasgow anaesthetist, a. Rangers football team fan, went to Edinburgh one Saturday morning to assist a Glasgow surgeon in

an operation. It was a | NONE SO BLIND, brief but interesting I ~ , , , operation which was [attended by an elderly Edinburgh professor, j When it was successfully over the anaesthetist suggested that he and the surgeon should spend the afternoon at Tvnecastle football ground, where Rangers were playing the Hearts. The professor was invited to accompany them, and said that as he had never seen a football match it would be a novel experience. In the J ynecastle stand the professor found himself with the surgeon on one side, and on the other a. vociferous and imitative Hearts supporter The game became tough. There was some **' rt y _w°ik in the Hearts' penaltv area, and the Hearts man turned round with an anxiously aggressive, "Did ye see that? Did ye see that?" The professor replied apologetically, and with some hesitation, "As as a matter of fact. I saw nothing." The other snarled, "Ye old blighter, ye didnev see it because ye didney want tae see it," and pulled the old gentleman's hat down over his eyes. There are some things he still doesn't quite understand about football.—Johnny.

«.i a strange thing how much relief there be in certainty., and in action; for now that the die foe cast and we do really ibe in WAR SPTPTT t he war \ 'l nd . goodness w* *Kir. knows what impending, I do find myself less worried than I was when mv concern was whether we would be in it or not. And less serious now than formerly seem those that are all about me, and fears, it do seem, have turned now to resolution. For now. at least we know where we are, and the task that do lie before us, but it do seem it will be a l°n? and arduous road, though few 1 find that * hl "!\ the «" ar this time will last as lonjr as it did the last tiiue. But on this ground of speculation I do not enter, for I can see littie to judge by. But. Lord, how soon the war spirit do take pc~se«sion of us all. even to the children. For walkin.7 along t'*e street to take mv tram to the <ity I do find some of the children of the neighbours alreadv out at their pixy. ;:nrl smile boys there are that say they are < Germans and are vigorously attackincr in mock battle others that fill the role of Poles. S*me of the verv smaller ones, too young to understand, did riot take kindlv to the game, but the elder ones were verv earnest in it. Thus do the passions of the elders percolate down to the younger ones, and set their minds to that which is not wood for them. And yet, in spite of the war and its perils, I do find that the minds of manv are more concerned with the immediate tiling and especially with the lack of any .petrol for their cars, which they do bewail verv roundlv .Some there be that say they do not know how they will get 011. and treat the business as a very great calamity, not seeming to "understand how small is the price that thev par And so I turn me to the duties of the daV but with small heart therefor and not vet settled to a war-time regimen.—B.(yx.

I read in the "Star" recently that the grave of an Anglo-Saxon kins lia's been discovered at Sutton Hoo, in Sussex. It is believed to be the THE WAS-TAKER. resting place of King .. , , . Raedwald, A.D. 617. This rather tickled my imagination, and led me «t ® a P® e P '"to the archaeological future: • ill' x 2017 a s P acious Typt was discovered in the territory formerly known as 'Germany.' It evidently had been the last resting place •if someone of importance, and on Investigation it wag found to contain the remains of Herr Ah Doo Hitter, an opportunist of the early years of the twentieth eenturv. He was not a Kinp exactly—but more so He set up to be monarch of all he surveyed— and then some. It is learned from' the •writings on the wall' that have been deciphered and traced to the Hun-Ooth-Jnnker expansion period (not being, as has been claimed, of celestial origin) that Herr Ah Doo Hitter was unmarried, and from that fact it ha* been deduced that he caused the extraordinary unrest of his time, because he was not him"sell subject to the domestic discipline apnerI taming to the marital state. This mav be j so. A most remarkable iron emblem was j found on the lid of the coffin which archaeologists declare to be a 'Was-taker.' somewhat in the form ot a 'double cross.' It is believed j to signify that after a successful run of piracy , and sabotage, he met his Waterloo at the I hands of a decent, right-thinking island people. : to whom he was afterwards known as 'The \v as-taker.' The importance of the discovery cannot be over-estimated, as it throws into strong relief the non-Christian, not to «av pagan, methods of the Hun-Uoth-TunkeV regime of that dictatorial and uncivilised country. Like one of the En-lUh queens, he 'rV - tu ,•'»*,* word esl ? ra ved on his i 1 1- Jt is difficult to decipher, but looks very much like "D-a-n-z-i-g.'" Your corre'spondent expects to get further important ! details as the excavations proceed. These will | on for what they are worth.—