THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 207, 2 September 1939, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) GIFTS OF PRICE. Sweet, the approach of vour birthday to me Means autte a bit of reflection: Gifts for a beautiful lady should be Not a whit short of perfection But there's hardly a thine: a fellow can brinsr That you haven't already s:ot fast on a string. Jewels of price I'd have brought to vou. sweet. Coffers of ra.iahs I'd rifle. I n< Jies I'd pour at vour feet— Only thev'd seem such a trifle. But call me a dud if your love doesn't bud Wlien I hand vou a bag of the dearlv-bousrht s Pud! —L.C. I read a par. of "Johnny's" about the \eracity of some witnesses and the improbability of their stories. An instance quoted was that of the young BAGGED. couple who sat in a motor ( car in a dark iraratre •talking about the weather." I heard 'of oiie case in which, although the party concerned (a villainous-looking "tough") was not "on oath.' he was being questioned in a London street one dark night by a policeman. The gentleman in question wore sandshoes and carried a sack from which the officer of the law had just extracted a huge silver cup. ou say, said the constable, "that you won this when you was at Oxford. Then' why do you cany it about in this bag?" Bill Sikcs hmi|7 his head demurely. "Purely sentiment, officer. ou see, I won it in a sack race " — B.C.H. I well understand that your column i~ not a\ailable for the effusions of the spring poet, but assume you will extend to me the courtesy of publishing p. WEATHER few remarks about the REPORTS, days "when spring unlocks the flower to paint the laughing soil." There you are. it is almost unavoidable, though I must admit Heber puts it better than can I. We have heard so much of the dreadful past winter that anv sign of change is welcome. T seem to remember we had some most beautiful weather in May and •Tune, though I readily admit July was a "corker." When the official figures for the winter are available I make no doubt the rainfall and sunshine records will be much as usual. \\ ith the advent of the Clippers we can expect better weather generally. The r-cientific side of the weather to be expected is receiving such expert attention that it should not be beyond the wit of the observers to bring us such weather as the most fastidious could desire. During the Great War weather forecasts were of great value to the military, especially in gunnerv and aviation; so why should not the long-suffering, tax-paying civilian get a little more consideration? If we are not satisfied with our Gregorian calendar it might be possible to change it to something similar to the Jewish year of twelve lunar months, and when we have a really bad winter slip in the extra twenty-eight days in the summer and sav nothing about it to Wellington. Tt will be admitted Auckland is at her best in the summer. Just like the weather, to be perverse, we may say with Gilbert, "The flowers that bloom in the spring, tra la, have nothing to do with the ease," but a sight of the shops in the city convinces one that they "sure have." —J. WW. \ erv stringent, T see, be the provisions of the new Transport Bill that Mr. Scrapie hath brought into Parliament, and more is to be „ _ done to deal with these PARTY SPIRIT." drunken fellows that will make a menace of themselves with their care. And for them no sympathy will there be, for they that do persist in the mixing of alcohol with benzine act so in the full knowledge that they do thereby incur grave displeasure and must suffer the consequence if caught. But the passenger, too, be no longer immune, for in the past it mattered not if all in the car be drunken so long as he who drove was in a fit state to do so; but now the motor passenger will have to be sober also. Which will, perhaps, make for more sobriety among the drivers, for it did not help the drivers' to kee»p themselves fit for their driving if the people they had with them were of the party spirit. But sad some will be who will not in the future be able 011 the long bus journeys to give themselves a drink when the bus" do eonvenientlv stop near some hostelry, for this bill do sav tliat even the passenger of the bus shall not take a drink to aid liim disperse the tedium of the journey, which do seem an odd provision and the purpose thereof not entirelv clear, unless it be the anxiety of the Minister to separate drink from all forms of motoring, for which he will have the public commendation. But, Lord, what sad outlook for the public-houses that now find themselves assailed by boycott because of the prices they do charge and the measures, they do give, and are now to be further affected*, perhaps, by the newformed basis of strict sobriety of all who travel by motor vehicles. For it do seem that all they will have for their customers in the future be those that walk and do not belong to any unions. Which sad depletion of the potential field of trade will make the prospect verv drear.—B.O'X.

One lias become used, since the flower of our manhood gave up their billets in 1914 and onwards to defend their homes and women,

to the peaceful penetraPEACEPUL tion of all spheres of PENETRATION, man's employment by the weaker sex. There was, until recent years, however, one sanctuarv into which mere man might creep when wending his homeward way to the suburbs after the long day's toil at the uncongenial work left to him. and smoke a soothing pipe to dull the despair of the down-and-out. This was the smoking carriage on our South-bound suburban train. But this vice which involved segregation from the more or less fair sex, has now been outraged. To-day his erstwhile sanctuary is the rendezvous of "all the women, with their small children and babes in arms, together with further encumbrances in the way of parcels—the plunder of the bargain stalls. Should he be lucky enough to find a vacant seat in such a "smoking" carriage— •in unusual occurrence nowadays—the male intruder still has the sanction of law to charge his pipe and light up. That is, of course, "if he still retains the courage necessary to brave the hostile glares bestowed on him by the nonsmoking women. But supposing that he has had the temerity to sin thus far. and retires behind a friendly "Star." he is quickly routed. The ladv immediately in front of him—after an ominous sniff or two—opens the window to its widest, and. acting in perfect concert, another female whose olfactory organs are offended, promptly opens another window or door at the rear of the carriage. The effect is all that could be desired! The paper is torn from the offenders hands, his eyes are filled with cinders, and he quickly catches his death of cold. Believe me, this is not an isolated or overstated instance: It is the unfortunate everyday experience of one who must still ''travel by train." Would you, dear "M.A.T.," use your best endeavours" to have the railway authorities include an extra dogbox or two in- the suburban train make-up, in which those who prefer smoking here to hereafter may find that peace which their souls crave?— Smoking Suburbanite. A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. Let us dignify the lowliest duties by a noble nature. It takes a greater man to do i common thing greatly than to do a srreat thing greatly.—F. B. Meyer.