THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 203, 29 August 1939, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

Between discussions this morning on war and beer a chap dropped in and produced what I consider a pretty clever piece of work. I am one of those who FIVE TIMES. would think I had accom-

plished something could I write the Lord's Prayer on a four-pint saucepan lid, but I would still be in the hack class while my visitor would be in the classics. Peter Nicol is his name, and he lives in New North Road. On a piece of paper he had drawn a circle in pencil the size of a threepenny piece and inside the circle had written in block letters the Lord's Prayer no fewer than five times. And there was still a little space left, so he trimmed the effort off with "From Peter to Dad." I don't know what the record is, but the Lord's Prayer five times in a circle the size of a "thrum" seems to me to be pretty good going. But what strikes me as being more remarkable is the statement of Peter that he did it with the naked eye.—Johnny.

A child speaks of foots instead of feet not as a childish error biit because by analogy it puts, an "s" on to anything singular if it is speaking of the plural. PLURALS. This analogic change

tends towards the fixation of regular forms in words. In the sixteenth century alternative plural forms were common —eyen for eyes, shoon for shoes, hosen for hose, housen fol- houses, peasen for peas and brethren for brothers. To-day oxen is about the only surviving plural ending in "n." It has been pointed out that the plural cows replaced kine because other plurals in use at the same time like sows and brows and heifers and ewes suggested the regular formation. A friend has j>ointed out that in some words the "a" of the plural lias become fixed, as if it belonged to the singular, as in terms like a means, too muc-h pains, an honourable amends, a shambles, an innings, a barracks and a golf links. This phenomenon, however, occurs only when the original singular is not in use, or when the manner of forming the plural is no longer perspicuous.—Touchstone.

I went to town on Monday to buy a home savings box for a granddaughter (the irony of it!). It was a very wet morning, but I

wanted to see the Clipper SAVE THE arrive in the afternoon. PENNIES. After completing the

business at the CvP.O., I crossed to Customs Street, and behold, my shoes showed me a dirty point. My doctor has repeatedly assured me that, in my shocking condition, two instalments of wet feet would entail an earlier visit to the crematorium than would be otherwise necessary, and I had the first instalment last week. Ergo, I hopped in the Richmond Road car for "the cottage," and happily had one of the customary arguments with an inspector, for which I cannot perceive that I was at fault, as I offered him every tram ticket that I had in nine pockets, to select the one that pleased him most! My near relative has "gone me halves" in a new wireless, so I hope to hear all Clipper news in my slippers, dressing gown, pipe and a spot of whisky to dry my feet before my microscopical electric heater. Be it ever so humble, etc.—A.A.P.

Another sad story concerning importers has unfolded itself. One of the fa6t disappearing tribe found himself compelled to seek a job with a travelling DANIEL. circus. Out of sheer com-

passion the manager engaged him at a salary of five bob a week. His job was to don the skin of a recently deceased chimpanzee and fool the public accordingly. After a week or two, however, fortune smiled upoi. the hapless one, as a result of the lion-tamer resigning his position. Whether the resignation had anything to do with a trade union resolution prohibiting the members from going- near bars of any description, I do not know, but its effect was to permit the importer to step into his shoes. The increase in salary (from 5/ a week to 6/ a week—less Social Security tax) prompted our hero to enter the cage with Spartan-like courage. Unfortunately, at the initial performance the lion proved so bellicose in mien that the new tamer, in self-protection, was forced to land a hearty punch on the animal's nose. The result was electrifying. From the lion's mouth came an agonised, "Turn that up. You're not the only importer out of work!"—B.C.H.

Of recent years European diplomacy has become a game of poker minus the usual rules of that risky, but withal scientific, panic.

Threats and bluff aga ON THE CARDS, the stronger hand

grab the stakes from the weaker holders has become the u«ual way of winning the pool. A stiff and determined mien is admittedly the greatest asset at poker, if we except, of course, the hick of the game. This ''poker-face" is. of course, a great asset to the dictators, who need not consult anyone, but play a lone hand. The democracies have their Parliaments, their Press and public opinion to consider, which is tantamount to having a spectator overlooking your hand, which, as any poker player knows, is fatal to the game. To carry the analogy a little further, one never knows what cards your opponents may draw, so it is not always safe to raise the stakes too high on the "blind." As the game develops on the Continent, before an arming, tense world, one may be permitted to hazard a guess before the "draw" thai the most aggressive player may yet be left with a "busted flush" against his opponents' "straight" hand. That great nation, which is the home of poker, is not playing bluff, but appealing for "cards on the table"; in fact a game of "show poker." After all, she is more or less in the position of "ante," or "box-seat" player, and her efforts for peace, in the face of" some nasty rebuffs, command success. —J.W .W.

MONEY CAN'T BUY. I've heard it said there's not a thing. If you're well supplied with wealth, That cannot be purchased somewhere to-day, I'm excepting, of course, good health.

You'll find there's plenty that money can't buy. Which may seem. perhaps, rather strange: For instance, .iust tell me where I can buy Some cas for a mountain range.

Tp sever the thread of a story, iust where There are suitable scissors to buy; And I'd like to know where ovens are sold That would bake a good printer's pie. /

Are there any merchants of China in biz Where a suitable dish can be bought Lilfe wo use on our tables when dining at home That will hold, when required, food for thought? Each bed must have springs to be up to date: But what about beds for the flowers? I'm afraid that vou'll not find any for sale In this liufre British Empire of ours. A lot of vouns: dudes at the present time Carry combs in their pockets to-day; Could you tell me just how to put honey in these — Will the bees, perhaps, show the way? In the drapers' shops there are collars to sell. ; Supplies are kept always on hand; .But I d like to know any shops that stock One to fit osi a neck of land. We know when we're driving the old horse and cart. "n®? "1 ns that a re lengthy and strong, i H \°Y a Pair to drive a seahorse. And 111 pay when you bring them along? For lions and tigers strong cages we build i You can see them wherever vougo: But for dandelions where could you get such j For I m sure we're all anxious to know. ' —THE TOMTIT. I