THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 196, 21 August 1939, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

) (By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) j A CERTAINTY. Time, 2 a.m. Little Willie was rolling and tossing in his cot. He "was extremely restless and could not sleep. Then he sat up. "Mummy, tell me a bed-time story," he said. "Hush, Willie," replied his mother. "Daddy will be home soon and tell us both one."— Johnny. The other day I met a friend of mine. He was looiking as glum as a blind man at a beauty parade. So I said: "Hullo, Issy, why so glum ? T EXPENSIVE! hear you just married a rich heiress?" "Yes"— still looking as gay as an undertaker's mute at his own funeral. "Well, Why so miserable? I hear it was worth about £25,000 to you." "Oy, oy, oy. Vv do people exaggerate so? Vy, I had to pay seventeen and six for de ring!"— Johnny. Students of syntax, or the laws of speech, may have noted a Press Association message from San Francisco which read: "An earless •man, Bob La Ducer, aged MEANWHILE. twenty-eight, who was arrested by the Nevada police in connection with the wreck of the City of San Francisco express, has been released. Reno Government agents announced that they were convinced, after close questioning, that lie was not connected with the wreck. Meanwhile, the death role has reached twentyfive." A friend has sent it to "'-Touchstone*' fom Wellington. One word made the end of the message ludicrous. It was "meanwhile." ON THE "WAGON." The publicans, in their efforts to pass on the rise that the brewers have imposed on them, are not to have it all their own way, for though the meek ones, like you and me, may accept the dictum and go without the house "shout," not so the waterside fellows. To a man they have gone on the "wagon." What, watersiders. prohibition? Dictated of vour own volition? No ample flowing- foaming: rot. ' Or more pretentious potent spot To drown the sorrows of the day And waft your weariness away? And will you. then, yourselves deny The boon of alcohol— fro dry And add to all the woes that be Monotonous sobriety? Well, who am I to raise a squeal Gainst martyrs for the commonweal. Or bid you in the least abate Your now impending- arid state? For. as in self-denial vou fight For that which you (and I!) think right. And let the beer untasted be. The more there will be left for me! —B.O'N. A Wellington barman considers the beer strike a bombshell. His customers now are of the "white-collar" fraternity and trade has _ slackened to an alarming TUNS OF PUN. extent. It is questionable as to which type of customer is the more desirable, the neat and tidy, or the tight and needy. Things are certainly happening in the Dominion. Mr. Nash is short in his loan crusade, capital has been leaving the country by the bucketful, and now to crown all we have to face a flight of swallows. The last-mentioned problem is one that has to be properly handled and not half-handled. Talking of such matters, there is, I am informed, a somewhat delectable potion known as a "nez du chien," or "doo-'s nose,' which is created by intermingling gin with beer. A certain customer ordered a handle of 'beer, Ibut before touching it said to the barman, "Could you pour a double gin into this, old man?" "Certainly," replied the barman. "Well, why the * don't you fill it up with beer, then?"—B.C.'H.

T7 . .^ h f n Allbert of Coburg \ ictoria s Consort he endeavoured to introduce some measure of German care and economy nrT«Ti\A«t* * n * ;o mena^re. WINDOW He introduced and superCLEANERS. vised an expense account , an d practical economy, but one small matter eluded the practical Albert, and he was never able to set it According to afreient custom, the Court j Chamberlain had "charge of the window I cleaning on the inside of the Royal palaces, | while the Department of Woods and Forests was responsible for the care of the windows [on the outside. Both Departments were seized with the responsibility of their duties, and set about their tasks with commendable punctilio, tout tTiev could never agree to function together on the Roval windows and balconies. If the Lord Chamberlain polished industriously from within, it seems that Woods and Forests could not agree to rub and splash simultaneously from without, and the same held good when the latter arrived with their pails and inops—co-ordination was not in the dictionary of these circumlocutory offices. <So, throughout her long and glorious reign, Victoria's windows were not i:he clear and spotless glass she had a right to expect. I wonder if the "mop and pail brigade" functions properly now, or is the job farmed out by contract and done by the latest machinery? Perhaps not! Government Departments move slowly.—J.W.W. The cables tell us Yew York's World's Fair, which has but ten more weeks to go. is certain to end as a financial floperoo—the estimated loss thereon SALLY IN being fifteen million dolOUR ALLEY, lars. A lot of money. The lesson to be learned from every previous successful exposition was ignored. Wlialen laid the law down. San Francisco was wiser. True, San Francisco organisers, anxious to make.a financial success of it, re-examined their amusements and installed Sally Rand's Nude Ranch. New \ork. on the other hand, remembering Chicago's "Century of Projrress" (especially "The Street of [Paris"), decreed that, bar Billy Rose's semi-nude "Aquacadians" (a watei act), it would "keep decent." Decency —in the show "business—is expensive. Instead of publicising flesh, Wlialen offered America the latest in transportation, glorified automobiles, etc.. streamlining and air conditioning. The, world being what it is, these proved secondrate attractions. The railway authorities even offered a flat rate—"ninety'dollars from your own home to both expositions and back," but Mr. Average American wanted to see ' Sally Rand and her ranch. True. Sallv's ranch was behind plate glass, but Sally took £1000 a day for the first eight days—even Riplev, believe it or not, only took one-fifth that sum with his "Odditorium" (and had to pay half of it back as overhead). Sally merely had to pay the on the plate "-lass. Folks didn't come to see "a machine °that talked like a man"—they poured in, though, to see "girls who looked like girls." Even San Diego Expositions "Zorina Nudist Colony" was forgotten in the rush—a Ladv Godiva would have shocked Wlialen. For a. "hot service" he gave 'em streamlined refrigerators. I ask you? Even now. back home, America can still see Sallv. "She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes." —MaeClure. I I THOUGHTS FOR TO DAY. Nothing which is morally wrong can ever be politically right.—W. E. Gladstone. Oh, do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men and women. Do not pray 'for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers ' equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be 110 miracle. Every day you shall wonder at yourself, at the richness of life which has come to you by the grace of God. Bishop Phillips Brooks.