THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 154, 3 July 1939, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

I (By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) I ——^—— I note that artificial dentures are bcincr made for cows. A cablegram from MWeow saye the feat is of such national interest that it will be displayed at FALSE TEETH. ;i forthcoming agricultural show. Tlie exhibit consists of three cows with false teeth. The cablegram further reads: "An enterprising ; Ukrainian dentist fitted dentures on an old bull with such success that he decided to prolong the usefulness of cow*." I take off my hat to him. I give to ray euperior all the credit he deserves from the subaltern. What a feat! Would that I could have him here to fit dentures to some of the c —l mean patients—whoee "usefulness" I try to prolong. —Gumdigger. A scientist in Italy has discovered portion of a cake which was baked 4000 years ago. Significant!j' enough, a man's skull "was found near it. For all we know, COOKED. the two articles may be the surviving exhibit* of an ancient domestic fracas. PoiM«ib]y hubby, arriving home a little late, hurled his club into the corner, ami point-blank refused to eat his tea. The wife, nerves frayed after a hard day's half-pricr chopping, had, in a lit of uncontrollable fury, picked up the cake and hurled it at him. The news item does not state whether the skull was damaged, but this can be assumed, a* would the text. of the coroner , * verdict, viz., "tlwt deceased had been struck on the head with a blunt instrument." Assuming the above hypothesis is correct, it proves that ;,. certain old savin , -' contains truth, and even to-day Mr. Xasli. at ! any rate, appreciates the wealth of meaning in, the words. "Y'ou can't eat your cake and have it."—B.C.H. Several weeks, ago this column was all fishy, then it became ratty, and last week it wae horsey. Just in the order it should bc : according to the tano"GIDDUP!" noniical tree, the biologi-t

"will tell you. Before we climb to the next branch another horse story could be slipped in. Some 30 years ago country roads in the Auckland Province were so bad that the only way a school inspector could reach some of his outlying schools was by horse. A newcomer from the South, whose only means of transport hitherto had been a bicycle, was sent into the Far Xorth to do his stuff. He thought nothing of walking ten to twelve miles a day, but when he encountered roads two feet deep in mud, perforce he must ride. He comforted himself with the thought that lie could surely pick out a quiet old horse and walk it till he got used to the movement and the creature. Accordingly, he picked a weary-lookin-r roan to carry him fourteen miles to the little baekblocks school. It appears this horse had once before pulled the cream cart, for it turned in at every farm gate. Xo amount of pulling on the Vein or any other device the inspector had ever heard or read about could deflect it from its purpose. He said later that as he didn't know what horses would do when thwarted, he let the roan have its way. As he realised the phantom cans must be returned on the homeward journey, and being by nature somewhat retiring, he secured immunity from the prying and probably scornful eyes of the youthful horsemen and horsewomen by leaving school early and the scholars with'an afternoons work to be forwarded by post.—W.J.S.

"D.E.C." sends along the following extract from a letter written to her by a young fellow working on a sheep station in Marlborough: Xow you want to know THE LAMB. something about life on

I a sheep station. Well, here is the daily schedule. To start with, vou get out of bed. Then you proceed to curec volubly at the cold and life in general. The hour k somewhere around 5.30 a.m. Xext you chase your horse around a twenty-acre paddock till you tire him out. Then vou pat him gently on the rump and lead him to his chaff, and you groom and saddle him. After that you fill the space between your own front buckle and backbone with whatever is going. Usually it is chops and an egg. or, by wav of a change, eggs and a chop. You then cut yourself a couple of doorstep sandwiches, crab a flask of black tea, and you are ready to meet the new day with a sunny smile.* Bv this time the dogs, of which I own four, have barked themselves hoare*, not having been fed the day before. You can't feed them too well or they won't work. You are now ready for the trail. The rest is just a matter of guesswork. You may have to go to the top of the range and collect a few wethers and drive them to another paddock, or you mav have to dose a sheep that has been fly struck, that is. the flies have eaten their way under the skin. Yes. it's a pretty ghastly business, believe me. If it happens to be a tine day and there isn't anything pres-ing to do you can wangle an hour or two off and sunbathe and admire the view. We can see the Xortii Island quite plainly from almost anywhere on the run. As five o'clock approache's you set out for home and usually get back about 7 p.m.—then feed the horse" and yourself. The rett of the day ic vour own.

The recent par. by "Johnny" on the subject of recruits took my mind back to an incident that occurred some time ago, which NO PLACE LIKE- , , , ~„ For three weeks Bullvbeef had been trying in vain to knock an atom jof eense into iron skulls. R,,t those skulls in several cases were of toughened steel and heeded not the blasts and counterblast* that should have pierced their armour. The prize one of the Imnch was undoubtedly John. Ho just couldn't do anything right, or. for that matter, left. Never an hour passed without that nuinlwkulF , finding himself the l.utt of sonic withering irony or brilliant pun. Tlu> morning parade had just been chewed up and strewn all round the vicinity when there was a. stir in the lines of suffering, silent men John had left the rank* and' was calmlv walking off the parade ground. He got as far as the first hut. before Bullybeef overcame his amazement sufficiently to give vent to hi* feelings. "Where the — do yon think , you're going? About turn, at the double." John turned slowly and wandered leisurely to his quarry. "At the double."' It was screamed. Without increasing his speed one fraction of a yard per second. John ploughed steadily towards Bullybeef. and came To a very sloppy halt. We held our breaths, for was not a murder to be committed before our very eyes? In clear tones, measured and with deadly calm, the S.M.'s voice rani out to the 150 listening ears: "Xow, John.' just where do you contemplate taking such a hastv journey? Don't you think it would lie uoo'd manners to ask if you may leave?" John's voice answers without a tremor, "I'm goin" home, sir." We tittered. "Silence! Home" oh. and why, pray?" 'T m fed up," said John! '■You can take a week's notice, and if that doesn't suit you I'll resiTil right now. on the spot."' Bnllybeef opened his month to *,-iv something, but the shock had be-n t C iit and he could only gasp. Thn rauV* „11 i •-• •"μ-iv! chuckled, and finally roared, but i-nly" the S.M. suffered their mer.iu.pnt. for John lnd already rounded the corner—bound for homo and mother.—G.K T

A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. We may measure the real force and depth of every religious movement hy the iwatnws of ite conception of God. The greater our