"HUMORESQUE."

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 141, 17 June 1939, Page 17

"HUMORESQUE."

CONCERT STORIES.

NOTED 'CELLIST'S LETTER

TO AUCKLAND MUSIC CLUB,

I rgcd to -end some that might he read out to tho members of the' Auckland Musi,. Lovers' Club, of which l'c is a patron. Mr. W 11. Squire, the noted Hritisl, "cellist and writer on musical inntters. sent to Mr Walter I,M l"tt. the dubs prosulor.t. .some amusing stories whieih. he suggested, might he read out at .ne of their gathering-* in lieu ~f a formal address. Mr. Sijuiro l l;1 s ] lil( i , in V( , ars of ( . on ,. ( , rt life, having made ],- H |ir ; t p„i,ij ( . ~,,!„.„,.. ance as :l at the age of "Slow and Sure." "-My first story." writes Mr. Squire. "•concerns my youngest brother (Burrv S.|uilf) who. f,, r s ,„„ 0 ywtrs past, haborn principal seem,l 'violin in the British Broadcasting Company's Symphony On-he-tra. At the age' of seven years ho wa- being taught his instrument hy my father, and. having inherited considerable talent from his parent, was making swift progress. lint he developed the cumin ni failing of youth..

namely. the practising ~f difficult passages too quickly. One day inv father cbided him with this, ending his diatribe with the moral, 'Remember, my son— "Slow and Sure" wins the race.' To which, young Barry immediately replied: 'Not in a horse race, Pa!' "Mass-in-A." "Talking of horses, reminds one of the fact that both Sir Arthur Sullivan :»nd Sir Edward Elaar were keen patrons of the 'Sport of Kings.' though. I fear, neither enriched themselves by their connection with the turf. Sullivan wos ,i very kind friend to me as a young mat. and in the year 1 *!)•"> made me his first 'cellist in the Leeds Festival Orchesti >. a coveted post in those days. He had a pretty \\ it.

"I recall an incident at our fir-t rehear-; sal. which, of course, he vn- conducting.! "Our 'band-books' contained -overall works, each of which was numbered 1,<2,, :J. 4 and so forth. "Among the items that morning were Beethoven's celebrated Mas- in 11 Minor and the well-known 'Meditation' from Massenet's 'Thais.' Sullivan announced: ''.Vow wo will rehearse Number Four." But, when a start was made, there were discordant sounds galore, followed by taps on the conductor's desk for silence. Adjusting his monocle. Sir Arthur exclaimed: "What on earth's the matter':" Whereupon some of the . wind players apologised for a misunderstanding. They had started the Massenet "Meditation" instead of the Beethoven masterpiece. With a humorous twinkle, •Sullivan remarked: "If you please, j gentlemen, 1 would like the 'Mas in ll' —and ii"t the Massenet.'" (Mas* in A). *0h! Listen to the Band." "A quaint anecdote is that concerning the Irish magistrate who. on arriving at court one morning, inquired of his clerkhow many cases he had to try that day.

" 'Only one. yer 'onor,' came the reply, 'aiid that's the case of a man charged with severely assaulting two members of the town band.' " 'Get along with it,' said the magistrate. "So the defendant was put in the dock, and the charge duly read to him by the clerk, who finally demanded: 'Are you guilty or not guilty?' "Prisoner replied, 'Xot guilty.' Whereupon his Honor immediately announced, 'Charge dismissed.' The clerk, hastily turning to his chief, said. 'You can't do that, sir.' 'Why not'r' said the magistrate. 'Because you have not heard the evidence vet.' "'To which his Honor replied: 'Sure to God. no—but I've heard the town band!' " "But—Could She Cook?" "At the annual soiree of past and present pupils of the Royal College of Music, South Kensington, a little clique in the corner were discussing the engagement of a mutual friend called George. Speaking of George's fiancee, one of the party enthused thus: 'She paints charmingly, and sings exquisitely. She's a champion golfer, and she plays the 'cello like an angel!' The humorist of the party drily remarked: 'Well, if old George can do a spot of cooking, they ought to get cm very comfortably!' " "Not Nearly Good Enough." ''Some few years ago. when visiting Pablo Casals at his Manchester hotel, our privacy- was disturbed by a Lancashire lady of somewhat dominating and forceful personality. She came to beg of the muster a hearing for her young son. who. she declared, was a 'cellist of transcending genius. Casals politely intimated that the shortness of his stay would not permit of such an arrangement. But. still further the good lady persisted, and then tactlessly remarked, 'I might tell yon, sir, the "Guardian" musical critic wrote that my boy played the Brahms Sonata as well as you.' "Thoroughly 'rattled' by this time, Casals hastily replied: 'My dear lady, that's not nearly good enough!'"