THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 124, 29 May 1939, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE *MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

Your contributor "Blake" mentions that he attended a wedding and at the breakfast the M.C. announced the bridal waltz. He says the orchestra's playCOMING EVENTS, in? was good; but, alas! they played "The Greatest Mistake in My Life." He wonders was it, and if eo, whose? I also was once at a wedding —my own. The orchestra's playing was pood. But, alas! they played "Parted"! Sometimes coming events 'are cast in music played before. Perhaps in my old age I may hear the refrain, "Nearer, my *God, to Thee"!—Oumdigger.

I have before me one of those etupid chain letters which bob up every now and then. It is a pity there is no law to deal with the cranks who inCHAIN LETTERS, dulge in such idiotic crazes, and I can only advise those who receive such letters to at once toss them in the fire. The one before me reads: '"This good hick Flanders was sent to me. lam sending it to you within twentyfour houre. This chain was started by an American officer in Flanders and is going round the world four times. The one to break this chain will have bad luck. Send this and four others if you wish to have prosperity. Copy thia letter and see what happens four days after mailing. It will bring you luck. Do not keep this; i<; must be in the mail twentyfour hours after receiving."—Johnny.

A couple of recent par*, in this column concerning Sunday school children and racehorses have reminded me of a much respected and brilliant vicar, now, HORSE SENSE, unfortunately, deceased. He told me one day that on the previous evening he had delivered a lecture at the gaol. As a subject he had chosen "Italy." "Unfortunately," said he, "the audience did not seem to appreciate my knowledge of the subject. In course of the lecture I mentioned such names as Garibaldi and Mussolini, but the prisoners were bored stiff. Eventually I came to the name of Count Cavour. To my astonishment there was a spontaneous burst of cheering and the lecture I became a huge success." It was left to me to explain to my reverend friend that the said 1 Count Cavour had on two consecutive occasions ' run second in the Auckland Cup.—B.C.H.

DOCTOR OR DICTATOR? They say that Peter Fraser is a reasonable And always ready to discuss the defects of his plan. The B.M.A. and he. in time, should fix on what is rieht: But Peter's little doctor friend is loudly talking fisht. The doctors tell the Minister: "The details, as you know. Are largely unacceptable, and we have told you so. You mentioned that we needn't join the scheme unless wo like." And straightway Peter's medico exclaims: ""What's this? A strike?" Says Pptor to tho 8.M.A.: "I've not the slightest doubt That in a friendly conference we'll iron matters out. ! ' The very thought of compromise the little doctor irks. And loudly he on Peter call's to give those Kuys tho works. Throughout the world we see to-day that it was over thus. For somp prefer to settle with a minimum of fuss. "While othera love a show of force, a militant parado: , ThU Sir.t.Tt Cte, r i? doctor sh ows us how dictatorships are made. —SINBAD. This morning's mail brought the usual paragraphs from readers of this column One written in lead pencil, has me completely THE LETTER. £& telieve it has been written by a doctor, because I cannot read more than naif a dozen worde. It reminds me of an occasion when I received a letter and couldn't read a word of it, not even the signature So I tned to think of somebody who was at reading bad writing, and then I remembered that chemists are supposed to be marvellous at that sort of thing, because thev have to read so many doctors' notes. So T went r>lnn<* to the local <-hem:*t and handed him the Mtcr and said. "I wonder if youVI have aln>c at this?" Ho took a quick look at it and then wnd, '•Excuse me a minute." A couple of iniHutPs later he came back with a bott'e of medicine. "This will soon fix you," he said, "lake a teaspoonful daily after every nval That will be four-and-six, please."—Johnny.'

When "8.C.H." "gives it the gun" in his r.sh s to!ies_ W el!. hi s o \d Mend (and one who also loves a good fi*li lie, well cured) "muss AND ANOTHER, £ one^Tue^A

~ . , f pw years ago the writer ami his brother accompanied their father a lifelong devotee to locator, on a days flehinjr "runioii to the beacon off the sa'ndepit at North Head. After a few hours of concentrated effort crowned with varied results dad slipped gently into blissful somnolence, no doubt with dreams of the giants " who "got away.' . Happening by accident to pull up tho sleeper's lino on hi* own, the writer decided to play a triple on "the old man." Firmlv hooking a Jorge gurnard caught much earlier on the dad- hook, he quietly dropped the line overboard, waited a minute or eo, and then tugged it violently. Springing to attention, dad hauled manfully on the dead gurnard (as we thought), but you can imagine our feelings when, after a considerable struggle, he hauled into the dinghy a huge snapper, firmly hooked through the jaw, but with no sign whatever of the gurnard! The joke was on us, because we had a wager on the catching of the biggest

In Texas (which to me moans only cowhoys and revolvers) the mother-in-law has come into her own. We have our "Mothers' ' Day," and, T am eorrv to ' ANOTHER "DAY." say. a much less enthu- j sia«tieally sup por tod! "Fathers' Day."' hut it has fallen to Texas to i inaugurate "Mother-in-Law Day." and not for I revolver practice, either! A club was first j formed, taking for its motto "The elimination ' of unjust criticism"—quite a man's job. by the way. The date of the annual celebration has i been fixed for March o, so we in Xew Zealand ' •still have plenty of time to get going. The ' 1938 celebrations included a twelve-mile i parade, one battleship float carrying six ' hundred mothers-in-law, and, the unkindest ' cut of all, a chain and ball gang of fathers- \ in-law (it does not eay whether they were < the husbands of the eix hundred!). The shops ' provided the mothers-in-law with free meals and gifts, and they were generally honoured and feted. Xo less a lady than Mrs. Roosevelt was an honoured guest. But it ie not all as easy as it looks. Each mother-in-law, before participating in all these good things, must produce a properly authenticated and witnessed "Certificate of Goodness" from her eon or daughter in law, ae the case may be. ! Every ointment has its fly—even in Texas' — J.W.W. A THOUGHT FOR TO DAY. Xo man must come between the eeeker and God, for the best of men are but men at the best. Xot even the ordinances of ■ religion can meet the needs of the people, ! though they be Clod-appointed. They were ! meant to lead us to God and not to be a ! substitute for Him.—C. H. Spurgeon. J