THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 20, 25 January 1939, Page 10

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) Studies in the relativity of heat to humidity and of clothes to climate have been unofficially made by learned folk at the recent Science Congress in CanTHE COOL SCOT, berra. In fact the photographic records of the gathering suggest that the weather has dominated the proceedings. Scientists with ice blocks on their brows, scientists demonstrating the principle of the siphon by absorbing cold liquids through straws, and scientists reclining on lawns in dress clothes, have shown the trend of things. It remained for a Scot at the Congress to show how the weather could be mastered. He simply summoned up his courage and donned the kilt. He was described as the coolest man at the Government House garden party. The kilted delegate was Professor James Macdonald Holmes, professor of geography at Sydney University. It is stated he has created an academic precedent by wearing the kilt at an official occasion of this kind in' Australia. —Johnny. The episode of the gentleman with the double-lensed glasses reminds me of a similar incident, which happened near the Zoo in Wellington. A relation of POUR "TIGERS." mine had just been fitted with these double lenses, and had been warned to always look upwards or downwards, but never straight through them, as they magnified everything. Xot long after she had bought them this lady happened to be making a purchase in a shop, and had just reached the doorway when, to her horror, she saw what appeared to be four large tigers racing past the door! With a terrified scream, she exclaimed loudly, "The Zoo has broken loose." However, the monstrous animals turned out to be no other than three cats chasing another one! Of course, at the time, the possibility of their really being tigers didn't seem so very unusual to this startled lady.—J.P.L. He was a meek and benevolent old gentleman, of cherubic countenance and decorous mien. He had been persuaded by his female relations into undertaking EIND a round •'•of citv shopping. INTENTIONS. He made the mistake of acquiring a heavy parcel at his first port of call, and he Was carrying it when he entered a delicatessen for " the second round of purchases. Realising that he had many more things to buy in the neighbourhood, he asked the girl presiding over the h»m and beef if he might leave his big parcel in the shop for a while. She took the packet, felt the weight of it, smiled cryptically, and said, "Well, it will be safe with me, even on a hot day." Somewhat puzzled by this modern slang, the old gentleman went upon his way. In an hour's time he called back for his belongings. The girl handed him the big parcel, and murmured confidently, "I popped it in our refrigerator. It ought to be good-oh when you get it home." Looking more cherubic than ever, and with a distinct twinkle in his eye, the shopper went forth with his chill, wrapped parcel. It contained a quart bottle of liquid furniture polish.—Johnny.

A paragraph in the "Star" on Friday last mentioned an incident which it was claimed had no parallel in Melbourne. At a recent __._- race meeting at Moonee STARTED EARLY. Valley the Hurdle race in ' which there were three starters was started one minute before : time. It was won by the hot favourite Giant Killer. If such an incident had not occurred previously in Melbourne the same cannot be said of Auckland. Some years ago Inniskillen, a gelding trained by C. Weal at Ellerslie, won a hurdle race at a meeting of the Auckland Racing Club. While the race was in progress it was known that it had been started before time, and immediately the race finished the stewards met to consider the position. The Rules of Racing provided that where a race was started before the official time it had to be re-run. There was no other way to deal with such a case, and later in the afternoon the race was re-run, but on the second occasion only three horses were saddled up; as Inniskillen won again, the result was satisfactory to everyone.—J.S. If memory serves right, a trotting event was re-run at a meeting of the Auckland Trotting Club some years ago, because it had been started before time.—Johnny.

Coming home to my digs the other evening I dropped a penny. The conductor had been a long time in reaching my end of the tram,

croww „~~-. and in the interim I had PENNY FOOLISH, been admiring shyly, and . , wit h care, a girl'hanging from a strap just in front of me. As I have said, the penny dropped. It slid from my grasp and fell to the floor. The thought of losing a whole penny was terrifying Regretfully withdrawing my gaze from the contemplation of the lovely form, I dived and grovelled on the floor. I had found the valuable penny and was arising, with the idea of regaining my equilibrium and dignity when I became entangled in the folds of a garment. It was a feminine article of apparel, and, unfortunately, it was being worn. The tram was crowded, and, try as I might I could not withdraw my head, neck and shoulders from the entangling mass. Finally, I dropped again to the floor, and, by crawling backwards between legs of all varieties, I escaped from the cloying pleats and folds. Blushing in great confusion, I hurriedly alighted two stops before my usual one." But the appalling part is—that entrancing vision with rosebud lips, that object with the grave of Venus and a skin the fine, gentle softness of a peach in full, juicy ripeness, was knock-kneed.—G.R,

Sunsets these last few evenings viewed from Waibeke, and, I suppose, elsewhere, have beeii surprisingly beautiful. and unusual. At ~ J j about half after seven Old SUNSETS. Sol goes to roost behind . • ■ .'■ the Waitakeres, over Auckland, in a blaze of glory—a final gesture, as if to make the amende honorable lor the shabby way he has treated the holiday makers during the day. Just to'show what he really can do in. the way of a grand finale when it comes to a showdown, he retires in good order and without shame, a shining orb of gold, and amid pastel shades of surpassing beauty, with a background of golden copper above and beyond, and the murky outlines of the hills in the foreground. Do I make myself clear? It must be seen to be realised, and you will agree my unpractised pen is' unequal to my task. I must apologise—l have gone "all poetical," after all. What I really set out to say was that we are verv short of water on the island. One cottage, one tank, is the rule and this year it has proved a wrong ratio. The position will soon be such as to require the organising ability of those Auckland business men who seek a week-end haven here from the worries of import permits and the like. There will be ample scope for their talents in the formation of bucket brigades, or other imported systems of adequate liquefaction. Is not "orb" in the centre of "absorbtion"? "The liquid lapse of murmuring streams."—J.W.W.