THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 219, 16 September 1938, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) The high-pressure salesman wae iraeily at work the other day in *n Auckland suburb, but all hie pleadings fell on the deaf ears of a young housewife. At ITUTS. l«*t be fell back on email talk and confidentially confided that he a foreigner, all the way from Brazil. "Oh," remarked the young housewife, "I know where' that is. That's where the mite come from." Exit salesman. —Ken. In these times of tension one is juetified in purchasing early editions of the dailies and feverishly scanning the all-important overseas news. Tbue Mr. X., a HORSE DE worried-looking business COMBAT, man took hie eeat m the bus and hastily buried himself in hie paper. "Remarkably quick work." said the passenger next to him. "Yes," replied the other. "Its faet work, but personally I would like to see him in the mud." "I hog your pardon," said the other incredulously. * "Do 'you mean to say that you, a Britisher, have such feelings about England'e Prime Minister?" Mr. X. looked up from his paper. "Who's talking about Prime Ministers? I'm referring to King Bey's chances on Saturday!"—B.C.E. Ts thie an omen ? A certain political party is to hold a benefit picture entertainment in a suburban area. Great preparations are being made to make it a AN OMEN? gigantic financial success, itickete being sold all over the place. But a sudden stop came when the management announced the name of the premier picture, and they wondered if tho name had nny significance. The name is "The Dead End."—Harry. It seems to he tiue that there are some men who will bet on anythiag. There were a couple of pigeons sunning themselves on the gable of a house, and BETTING. ' two very idle men made a wager ae to which would move first. That is probably the moet "betting-for-bettingV-sake'" form of gambling there is. Oue hae heard of people betting on the rate of progress of two snails, but at least there is some element of sport and competition in that. I have seen a crowd of taxi -drivers making wagers on the progress of chips floating in a gutter, and I have seen a couple of slightly inebriated gentlemen in a restaurant makinT wagers as to which of two selected flies would first alight on the sugar. There are very few tilings that can happen that have not been made the subject of betting at one time or another, a fact that promises a very poor prospect fcfr those worthy people who hope some day to educate us all to a better standard and to eliminate betting from the community. ■ The average man seems to be born to gamble in one form or another. Perhaps- it is because life itself ie so much of a gamble. Perhaps it is because he hopes to make money quickly (for the world is full of optimists), or perhaps it is because his personal conceit in the infallibility of his own judgment impels him to back it with tangible stakes. Probably the gentlemen learned in psychology could give us quite an interesting dissertation on the subject. —B.OX.

Here ie for Mr. Semple'e sprapbonk. A motorist has been fined for colliding with the same oar twice. After the first impact the driver of the DOUBLING UP. assaulted car viae examin- \ ing the extent of the dama<re when, hey presto! the defendant repontod the does. Probably he wut confusing it with some sports trophy and imagined that by rotting hie mark three times running he could keep it for good. It reminds me of the poor pedestrian who lay etretched out on the road, having been run over by a car. The driver of the ear slowed up and called back, "Why don't you get out of the road?" "Blimey!" moaned the victim. "Are yon coming back again?"—B.C.H. "Touchstone" writes: A South Island morning newspaper, in an obituary notice, eays, "A Government guvboat was" sent up the river to evacuate hie EVACUATION, wife and chUdren." How hard thie mieuee of "evacuate" dies. The word means to empty. It U related to "vacate." You can evacuate a vessel or dish. It ateo mean* to retire from, ja« soldiers from a city or fortress, b:it it is the city or fortress that ie evacuated, and n6t the soldiere. Burke givee the word in its proper military sense when he eaye, "The Norwegians were forced- to evacuate the country." Obituary notices are full of pitfalls. They are approached by their writers, too often, with the idea that they must be something of a literary gem, graceful, polished and .sympathetic, without anything oi the bing" etyle of journalism whi<*» pushes its points home in a succession of ehort sentences. Yet few notices call for a more careful division of sentences than obituary notices. The Christohurch notice fell into a common error in saying. "One of the early pupile of Christ's College. Mr. joined the Bank of Xew Zealand ae a young man." There are many notable instance* of this linking of unrelated or incongruous ideas. "Touchstone" has a hazy recollection of the claeeic of them all: "Be was a lion in debate and cousin of the Earl of Mar." A recent effort in a Southern contemporary reUd: "An active member of the Church, she was captain of the golf club." These incongruities are not far removed from the absurdity of the advertisement: "Mr. Tomlineon wants a eteadv religious young man to look after hie garden and care for hie cow, who has a good voice and ie aocuetomed to singing in the choir."

It is not neceseary to go to Blackpool to hob-nob with impish spirit*. A couple of years ago I came pretty close to one. I was IMPISH SPIRITS. VoS? 7 ! °l^ T , ~ feeling 'a bit dry, ami so I decided to vieit the one and only pub, winch wan several miles away. I harnessed up. old Dohhin in the spring cart and started off. All went well until we came to a bridge; then, for no earthly reason ae far ae I could see. Dohhin ehied, enorted, and refused to go any further. I hopped down, and patted, swore and dragged him along the road. After a while he made up his mind to go, and he kept on going until we reached the pub. I had a couple of handle*, and started hack to the farm. Dobbin kept going in good etvle until we reached the bridge, then the fun "of the mornin? all over again. I thought it wae darn funny that he should play up at the same spot, but I kept the affa'ir to myself until that night when two girl friends ot the family dropped in, looking whfte about the gills, and telling a story which I would have thought just bunk a few houre before. jDoreen did the talking, but Mavis chipped in now and then. The story went something like • this: The girls were walking arm in arm ■ when suddenly they both turned round, expecting to see someone. There wae nothing. I They walked on without epeaking, and some,one walked between them, holding their arms. After a while th.? someone left them. Thev did not feel afraid, hut wondered why. I told my story of Dobbin. The lad of the family told hw etory P f having seen a man with ! Ins head under hie arm near the same spot. .' : Grandpa added to it. sayinjr a man. manv I years aaro. out his throat, and was found with : I hi* head nearly off. Mavis said that it must [have boon the man's that walked with I thought bo, too. until a low voice came from near the fireplace — granny s voice saying: "Xo, my dear, that wae' a good spirit shielding you from the earth-bound i spirit of the man who killed himself."—C.P.L. I