THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 208, 3 September 1938, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEW ABOUT TOWN.)

"B.D.G* writes: A short -while ago "Johnny" invited problems to be submitted to your readers. The following may be of sufficient interest to AN EASY ONE. print: What are the articles which can be bought from the department stores at 3d each, yet 12 can be purchased for 6d. 364 for 9d and 7426 for 1/? The answer is simple and completely fulfils the conditions of the question. Local dailies have come to uitli a headline which has prompted the average reader to pause before turning over to the sporting page. The headCOME INSIDE, line in question reads " £19.644,700 for Works. ' There was no room to add the simple words "plus tax." Those readers who were able to comprehend the magnitude of the sum looked further afield in the news column and were rewarded with something at least savouring of an explanation, for Mr. Semple had later stated, ''Work at the Kingseat Mental Hospital continues to occupy a major part of tha progra m me."—B .C.H. A prentleman had recently been operated upon for the removal of his appendix and was feeling very sore in the throat. He said to the sister in charge, "Is THE ENCORE, it usual for the throat to be sore after such an operation?" "Well," answered the worthy ladv, "yours was a most extraordinary case. There happened to -be in the hospital an eminent surgeon from overseas, and we got him to conduct the operation. He made such a wonderful job, his incisions were so perfect, and the students looking on applauded him ■so much that as an encore he took your tonsils out." The gentleman fainted right j away.—Arry.

Tlie next cricket ban may he a ban on Test husbands! It appears that the "dictators"' of women's cricket are concerned at the number of married and NEXT BAN. engaged girk playing, and wonder whether to ban husbands when Iho women's team q-oes to Australia in 1030. Tliere was ail '"epidemic" of weddings and engagements after last season, but these have not killed the girls' interest in cricket. One Test player said that she intended to marry in the spring, but that, if this would spoil her chance of being chosen lor Australia, she would postpone the wedding. An official says that names are still coming in of girls willing to spend £200 to go to Australia. "We will choose half a dozen players in September." she sa id, "and the others in 1939, but if there arc many more weddings we will have to ban husbands."— Johnny. The cha.p with the new suit on and Saturday morning off sauntered info the bar with a friend f<v a quick one, and between sips discussed the hencMARVELLOUS. fits or drawbacks of the Social Security scheme. Knowing that no bird can fly with one wing, they ordered the glasses to be filled again, and the one in the new suit asked. "What do you think of this clobber?" He was told it looked pretty pood and fitted rather well. "Ye*s, and its marvellous what a lot of good a man can <lo if he only thinks along the> right channels. Xow take this suit, for instance. The wool was grown in New Zealand, the cloth woven in England, the thread made in Britain, freight and insurance -was paid on it to have it brought to Xew Zealand, and then I go into a tailor s shop and have it made up into a suit.' "I don't see anything marvellous in that,"' remarked the friend. "You don't? Why, look how many people have earned money out of something I haven't paid for."—Johnny. He was a Scottish subaltern who had just arrived in Gibraltar, and he prettv well bored with army life. One dav he was T™ 4 guard with an NOT NEWS. other comrade. For a time no incident worthv flf mention occurred; then just towards the end of the day his ennui was suddenly dispelled by the sight of his fellow guard disappearing over the edge of a precipice. The depth of the precipice was four hundred feetXow it was the duty of the Scottish subaltern to write out a. report of the sad event, and this he did—adding the customary formula, "Nothing particular has occurred." Shortly afterwards the news of the accident reached the ears of the commandant, and having read the report, he had the subaltern brought before him. "Gad. sir," he exclaimed when [the Scot appeared, "your companion falls over a precipice of four hundred feet and tou call it 'nothing in particular.' What have vou to say for yourself?" The subaltern replied diffidently. "Well, sir. I didn't see anvthinparticular about it. If poor Henrr had" fallen over a four hundred foot precipice without being kilted, then certainly I would have considered it very extraordinary indeed."—Willr.

'Dear •Touchstone',* writes a Southern reader, "is the -word 'Scot-ch' justified other than by usage (with no reference to whisky) ? Should it not. in relation SCOTCH. to an individual, be 'Scot- ... t»V!" There k no definite rule on the subject, Scotch and Scottish, like {scotch and Scots, mean the same thing. It is & matter of choice "whether vou say "broad Scotch" or "broad Scots," but most people say "Scotch." Robert Burns, in his letters, used both forms. He writes of Scottish ancestors, a Scottish bard and an old Scots air. He also wrote "there is a certain something in the old Scotch songs," and "son-s in the English language, if by Scotchmen, a're admitted, but the nrueic must all b* Scotch." He also wrote a poem, "Scotch Drink " whose second, verse runs: Whtthpr ?h^^ Ser Gu ,'? . auld Scotch drink! through wimplin -worms thou jink Or. richly brown, ream owre the brink In frlorious faem (foam> Inspire me till I Hsd and wink To sine thy name. Nowadays Scotch whisky and Scotch broth ; ' m *ny Scotchmcn prefer to be called Scots.—Touchstone. THOUGHTS FOR TO DAY. Ye who pass bv and would raise vour hand against me, hearken ere you harm me. I am ' ° f f • TOU [ l llParth on the cold winter 1 nights, the friendly shade screening vou from the summer sun. and my fruits are refreshing draughts quenching your thirst as vou journev on. I am the beam that holds vour house, the board of your table, the bed on which vou and the timber that builds vour boat! I am the handle c . your hoe, the'door of your homestead, the wood of your cradle, and the shell of your coffin. I am the bread of kindness and the flower of beauty. Ye who pass by. listen to my prayer—harm me not!— ! Notice on a tree in a Spanish park. j • • • , i I C , J r - Uth * nd ! ove are of the most powerful things in the world; and when they both go together they cannot easily be withstood.— j vwvtrau J