THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 196, 20 August 1938, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

The gallery in the Lower House is packed. The Speaker, with head reverently bowed, mutters the opening prayer. A Cockney voice is heard GRACE! to say, "Lumme if the old buffer ain't saying grace. What's Ye saying. Bill?" Bill shoots back immediately, '"For whom we are abaht to deceive iniir the Lord have abundant merov." —Paddy. Of all unusual methods of raising the wind. Young Hopeful's idea was surely one of the most original. He burst in excitedly one morning to expound the NEW INDUSTRY, 'proposition to his mother. "Mother, I'm going to grow some dome plants, and then I can sell all the sticks off them and make a lot of money. I don't know what they are, but there's an ad. for them in the paper every night, and there must a constant demand for 'em, because even in the old papers I found under the lino, there' was a 'Dome Sticks Wanted' ad.!" "An ad. for what?" Mother was losing track. He spread the paper before her, pointing to the alluring ad. She read it. and then said witheringly, "Oh, Wanted'—you blockhead! Is this what I spend money on your education fori"—K.L.

I noticed the opening sentence in a subleader in last night's "Star" asked: "What did Gladstone say in 1866?" The article then went on to tell us that GLADSTONE what Gladstone said was SAID ? that every mouthful of food should be chewed thirty-two times before being swallowed. You remember—no, of course yon don't, and no more do I—that on an occasion when one of England's greatest statesmen was addressing an audience Gladstone's name was mentioned. The hall was packed, and jammed in one corner and almost suffocated was a little chap just about ready to drop. Suddenly he yelled out to the speaker, "What did Gladstone say in 1866?" Prom all parts of the hall his question was met with cries of "Shut up; chuck him out." But the interrupter was not to be denied. "Come on, what did Gladstone say, I ask yer. Tell me that." Again there -were shouts of "Shut tip" and "Put him out." A constable barged his way through to the corner and grabbing the questioner dragged him out of the hall. Outside one of the overflow asked the ejected one what Gladstone did say in 1866. "He didn't say anything, but I was nearly dead in there and couldn't get out," was the reply.—Johnny.

In 'twenty-two we decided to buy a car. We had one in 'nineteen which would only travel in "bottom" gear. At that period we

resided in Palmerston FOOLS RUSH IN. North. On one occasion

on reaching the Square the noise of our bus was so terrific that a baker's carthorse stood on its hind legs in affright. Well, we bought a (so-termed) second-hand car for £250! At that time cars were very high in price. It was nicely painted (emerald green). We noticed that the tyres were almost stripped of rubber, but the dealer explained that that was the reason the price was so low! He would pay for retreading two. we to pay for the other two. All fixed, we started on a Sunday for Wanganui. Half way one retread blew cut. We bought a new tyre at Bulls for £6. Just outeide Wanganui another tyre blew out. We bought one for £5 15/. (In those days we had a cheque book.) Mondays and " Thursdays were the usual days for back-axle breaking; crown wheel and pinion on Sundays. When leaving Xapier (our later home) the wife would say "Good-bye" to th? children. We said, "Why say 'Good-bye'? We shall probably be towed back in_ half an hour." The only part of our £250 car that did not give trouble was the windscreen. In fact when we sold the car for £35 at the mart there was little of the original car but the windscreen. We kept a careful account of our repair and towing bills. I The amount was £501 in 21 months! A.A.P.

Xervous people, reading the report that Auckland is likely to blow up at any moment, will probably sleep a little uneasily. Time "was when popular belief VOLCANO. reserved that fate for the

whole of the North Island, while the common prediction with regar-1 to the South Island was that it would sink beneath the sea. Neither of these things has happened, but that, of course, means nothin or in particular, since the time that these land" have been occupied is but the merest flash reckoned in terms of geologic eras. Wellington in the early days -was not merelv the windy city literally, but it was also the windy" city in the slang application of that term; for it was the common belief that Wellington was bound to be shaken into its own pond by earthquakes. Hence the reluctance in tiie capital city to use bricks for building material, and the coraequent acquirement of the biggest wooden building in the world. The old Government building, to which that distinction belongs, is a monument to Wellington's early terror of earthquakes. It is unlikely that Auckland or Dunedin will do anything in response to the suggestion now made that they will blow up one of these fine days. Come to think of it, there is mighty little that can be done against a contingenev of that kind; nor is it easy to imagine what Christchurch can do against the possibility that Banks Peninsula will one day be blown on to the top of it. Earthquakes and volcanic activity, despite all the efforts of science, remain among the unpredictable things. Most I parts of New at one time pr another .have blown up, and perhaps thev will do so again, but there is jnst nothing that vou and I can do about it.—B.O'N.

Speaking of famous sayings, how many know who was responsible for popularising "Its a Wise Child that Know-s its Own

Father"? It is to one of FAMOUS SAYING. England's most famous

_ ~ x . actresses, Mrs. Charles Kemole, that we owe this familiaritv. Although she -was an Austrian by birth, Mrs. Kemble mastered the English language as a child, and was the author of several plays. This' wa« the sub-title of one of «ithem—"Virtue Rewarded" being the main title, although the play became famous under its second name. It was in the leading part of this plav—that of a charwoman, a type of part in which she specialised—that the actress author made her debut as Mrs. Keinble in October, 1806. two months after she had married. But 6he had already become famous as Marie Theresa de Camp, and was already past the zenith of her career. Starting life as a ballet dancer when ishe was six years old, Marie de Camp made • her acting debut two years later, before she understood a word "of English. Having obtained a part at the Haymarket Theatre " through the influence of the 'Prince of Wales, who had been completely fascinated by the lovely girl's dancing, she mastered her few sentences by repeating the sounds made bv another member of the company.—Johnny. A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. Life is sweet because of the friends we have made, j And the things in common we share; 1 We want to live on, not because of ourselves. Gut because of the people who rare. It's giving and doing for somebody else. On this all life's splendour depends; And the joy of the world when you sum it ; I all up " ( lis found in the making of friends. : I —Anon.