THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 192, 16 August 1938, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE HEN ABOUT TOWN.)

* It was at a sporte dinner on Saturday evening that the chairman was introducing a speaker. This man, said the chairman, is a wonderful speaker. Last THE REPORT, year we sent him away

in charge of a touring team, and upon hie return he was asked to furnish a report to the controlling authority. The manager stood up with four sheete of foolscap in his hand, and fluently described 'the tour —the scenery en route, the people they had met, the football match and then the dinner following. The report eo impressed the members of the board that _he was asked to hand in hie report for the purpose of filing it away in the records of the august body. The chairman's face was a etudy when the speaker handed in the four sheets of paper— for they were blank. —Barry.

A reader has written to "Touchstone" asking if something can be done to persuade spoiting writers to abandon the use of the word "mentor" in favour MENTOR. of "trainer." One can only hope for the beet from every little bit of publicity that can be given to such errors. Mentor was the tutor and friend of Telemachus, son of Ulysses. The word means a wise and faithful teacher, guide and friend, or an elderly monitor or adviser, especially to the young. It may be centuries since a writer of sporting notes first had the bright idea of applying the word to a horse trainer, and, if it is, there can be little doubt that the word has been doing regular duty from that day. Words like this creep in ae rhetorical alternatives for common or simple names. Even where such alternatives fit the case fairly enough at first, they become more hackneyed than the original. Thousands of men who went through the Auckland camp at Sling during the war will remember a company sergeant-major who, when bringing his men to "HUN!" attention, corrupted the usual , military "Shun" into "Hun." With chest v but, head back and mouth like a funnel he would give his order something like this: "Compan-ay, Compan-ay, Huli-er, Huh-er, Huh-er—Hun!" When we got used to it and knew just about when the "Hun" was due, we generally managed to hun together. One day a party of men who had already been to France came back to Sling as fit men. The C.S.M. took them over and yelled, "Party, Party, Huh-er, Huh-er —Hunn!" Never having liunnrd before, they didn't know how to him. so remained as they were, except one bright lad, who took two paces forward. "Well, my man, well my man, where do you think you're off to?" said the C.S.M. "Thought you were railing for volunteers for the German internment camp: it's a'bout the safest place I know of just now," said Hans, who was a Dane, and a hard case.—Oh 80.

If I remember rightly, something i* going on in Parliament in furtherance of a scheme ifor dishing out pensione to everybody. The scheme appears to be one SOCIAL SERVICE, of those "ten quid to start and ten bob rises" ideas, and in all probability will give some future nonagenarian a chance to pay his own toll charge when being wheeled across the Harbour Bridge in hie bathchair. The portion of the 'recent legislation referring to medical service ie, however, truly interesting. Some chap,long 'before Waterloo, wireless, running shoes or Rotary clubs, wrote these lines: Strong Labour srets up at the first morning dawn. And stoutly steps over the dew-spangled lawn: For with him goes Health from a cottage of thatch. Where never physician bas lifted a latch. • Perhaps the march of time, however, would justify a variation of the above to something like this: Stronsr Labour pets up—well, it matters not when. It may be at six or at seven or ten. He cares not a jot should the medico call, For now it is costing him nothing at all. —B.C.H. Two women were driving in ■ from a country district to connect with a train at New Plymouth. Neither carried a watch, and both had an uneaey feeling - TIME, PLEASE.' that they stood a good chance of missing the train. The more impetuous of the twain advocated whipping the horse to his top speed on the blind chance of "just making it." "But," temporised her companion, "is it worth itt Before you start running the poor thing to death, let'e get the time from someone and see if we stand any chance at all." As they were gazing frantically around the country landscape, an old Chinaman " came placidly jo<rgin>pr round a bend in the road in his rtekerty- cart. At once they hailed him desperately. "H ; , John—you got the time?" "Oh, yeah!" eaid John, cheerfully. (Who eaid that reply originated in America?) He slapped hie pockets for a moment, looked puzzled, and, turning round, began rummaging feverishly in some sacks lying in the bottom of the cart, while the precious minutes of whatever hour it might be fled past. "Oh, wherever can he keep his watch?" one of the unfortunates was murmuring when John sighed and looked xrp. "Velly eolly," he 6aid, regretfully, "no got thyme!" But, brightly, "Plenty paisley!" Seeing that those minutes of delay cost them the train, the ladies didn't see the joke for quite a long time.—C.A.F.

I listened in while the younger ones held an inquest on the smoke concert that had occurred on the night before. Everything they said proved that it SMOKO. was a great affair. The most placid lad among them had earned fame by tearing off hie coat and endeavouring to fight the biggest among them. The cause of the affair was unknown. The lad most responsible wae not even aware that he had made euch belligerent overtures. There was not one anjong them -who had not done something or *other that was quite exciting, and altogether «it appeared to have b*en one great night. And yet it wasn't. At j least I didn't think so. I was there. To me j it was just a noisy, smoky gathering, where j old, old stories were told and where poor songs were badly sunar and where the maudlin speeches that ehrieked their insincerity to high heaven became intolerably boring. So there you have the two sides to it, and you may believe which you will —that of the youno-er lade who swear that it was grand, or the mournful version which I have given. The explanation must be that I am growing j old. I believe it ifi a fairly good index of what , the years are doing to you to test your j reactions to a smoke concert. In the days of your youth smokos were always grand. "When first you began to doubt whether or not you would go to the next one, age wae beginning to get you. When you dragged your unwilling feet alonjr as a matter of duty and had to call up continuous effort to simulate . an interest, if not pleasure, in the proceedings. age had definitely got you. Smokos, I have concluded, are for the young. For those who are elderly they aTe merely a depressing reminder of the manner in which the years I are slipping liv. I shall go to no more.— I B.O'X.

THOUGHTS FOR TO DAY. When the -worst comes, the -worst is going. Masefield. , A difficulty raieeth the spirits of a great mftn; he hath a mind to wrestle with it, and give it a fall.—Halifax. j