THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 111, 13 May 1938, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

Oh, where are those croakers and eingleeyed jokers who mocked at Australia's pride ? Who said, "It ifi written that this year in

Britain will witness the TAIL OF A TEAM, turn of the tide. Too

long Lave their wizards descended like blizzards the bowlers of England to flail, «qth trundlers like Grimmett conspiring to limit the score of the English team's tail. Their progress to bar, would that someone like Larwood or possibly Jardine were here! Yet still we are hoping that some way of coping with them we'll discover this year. Their veterans clever will not laet for ever; they're trying some novices out, so now tb the moment for us folks at Home meant —our turn now is coming, no doubt." But keeping a smile up as centuries pile up 3e rather a difficult trick; so let's heave a sigh on the woes of tlie Lion—the Kangaroo still lias a kick! —Sinbad.

Here is something that golfers might do well to snip out and carry round in their wallets, or paste on the walle of their clubhouses. An English TUT! TUT! country squire, sitting ecently as local magistrate, was embarrassed when a friend was brought before him charged with violating an ancient local ordinance prohibiting "gentlemen from cursing in a public place." It appeared that the magistrate's friend had done a particularly handy job on a nearby ninth hole, had been overheard by -an elderly lady with whom he had a lifetime feud, and had been euJiwnoncd on her complaint. The magistrate, hinmrTf a golfer, heard testimony and took the case under uneasy advisement. The following week lie rendered his decision: "Whereas ftie defendant undoubtedly cursed, which he admits, it is held that the defendant, by cureing, ceased temporarily to be a gentleman. The law as written, therefore, cannot be evoked in this instance. Case di6missed."— J.S.

Game into town this morning with a chap who mentioned that one of the housee in the street in which he livee was afire during the early hours of yesterday THE BRIGADE, morning, and he didn't know anything about it till he read of it in tlie "Star" laet evening. How different to the days or nighte when present scribe was a lad. Then firebelta would ring loudly, wake up the resident* within a mile or so. and crowds would arise to run along to see the fire. To-day the methods employed to fight fires and save insurance companies paying out big sum*; of money are more up to date and effective. One of tlie joys of the hove, who are now drawing the old age pension was to give tlie firemen a hand to push the reel —it resembled a present-day milk dandy—tip hill and down the while somebody's house burned to the ground, leaving only the chimney standing. Tvjiter this fun was cut out, because the horses came along, and at the city station there were half a dozen beautifullygroomed animals, trained to dash out at the first tinkle of the alarm and stand in position for the harness to drop into place upon them. With the firebells clanging and the horses galloping pell-mell, with firemen and outfit, a fire in those days was an event. But to-day the firebells are no more, the horses are no more, the panting men pushing or pulling the reel have gone —all swept aside I>v the march of time. Exit the Darktown fire bri'gade.— Johnny.

I have before me a copy of a letter written by the copywriting genius of the Industrious and International Trading Company, Kathiawar, India, THE SAMPLE, to a certain eoap manufacturing firm in Parie. The letter goes: "Urgent Please. Dear Sirs, —We have much pleaeure in verykindly requesting your good 6elf toplease send us the free Sample Poet of yourWashing Soaps of matchless & eurpaesingquality & that could be used for washing &- bathing both & the dirt of the clothes canpractically melt away when Washing Soap isused & fan deterge the dirts of the ordinarydirty clothes & most dirty clothes also of anykind within few seconds without at all anyliarm to the clothes that the clothes, may notat all look shabby, tear eoon. ruin & diecard after a few washings only & in the eizeof Tablet-Bar, each Tablet-Bar of 6 oz nettweight, for our trial & orders with themost competitive & too much rock bottomcheap Price, C.I.F. any Indian Port, in orderto stand boldly & firmly in the Indian-Markets-in the competition with the other PopularIndian made &. foreign made Washing Soapein the Price & quality both, & the Packingshould be of 100 Tablet-Bars in a case. ThequotatioTwi may please be offered in the English Currency in Shilling only & tlie SoleAgency may please be granted for the Bombay Presidency of India for the present. Xowtrusting to bo favored with a most favorablereply at a very early date, with the Samples- & quotations etc to our entire satisfactionas very kindly requested above & in the meanwhile thanking you with best complimcnte- & respects."—Johnny.

The only eign of life l'n Tokomiriro was at Molly Burke's billiard parlour. Molly had been through the Ota go gold rush, and thanks to a hint from Chinaman "PAID IN PULL." Sow Hoy, he had invested all his makings in his Sl'.otover Steam Bucket Dredge Company. The shares rose to two-fifty apiece, and as' Molly had bought them at ton pounds oach ho had much to thank the wily Celestial for. In the billiard parlour we found the lade of the village morbidly discussing escaped murderers. "I wonder," eays Loof Peters, "do any of these murderers who cheat the gallows over brood over their killings."' "Maybe/ , says Molly. "Working on a dredge in'the Clutha I met a miner I had known at Gabriel's Chilly. One night lie asked me if I know a place called Oodsend, a mining camp near Alexandria. 'Sure,' 1 said, 'and Mongrel Geoghan the storekeeper, too. The thieving swine d'eappeared completely. A thorough mystery.' Well, that night he told me a few things about Geoghan that were hard to believe, although no "man that ever knew him had ever discovered anything human about him. Geoghan charged a miner two-ten for a saucepan, a flypan and a few tin mugs. When the tucker bill came he wanted ten guineas for twelve pounds each of biscuits and salt pork, four pounds of lard and six of sugar. There was a terrible row. but the miner paid up. 'That's thirteen quid you changed me.' says the miner, 'and thirteen's unlucky.' 'And its Friday the thirteenth, too,'says Geoghan with a sneer. Xext morning Geoghan was missing, but with everybody down with the gold fever lie was soon forgotten. Three years later a chap named Brown gets, a brilliant idea of dredging for gold in the Clutha. just below Alexandria. One day he hauls a tin trunk full of bones ashore, and as it's a good tin he uses it for a fireplace, and throws the bones back in the Clutha. Before the fire burnt it off G-eoghan's name was on that tin trunk. But they never found out who killed Geoghan." "Did yoxi?" we asked. "Maybe,"' said Molly. '"When I woke the old miner was missing—they found j him later, drowned. In his gear I found a receipted bill for £13 signed by and dated Friday. May 13, ISfil. Scribbled underneath in a different handwriting were tho words 'Paid in fnll.' " —MacClure.

"POLLING" IS RIGHT

Thieves broke into a polling booth at Xnpier on Tueeday night, so a Press Association message reports, and stole .1 rubber stamp, gum and stationery. Why shouldn't they? It, wae a "polling" booth, wasn't it?— Johnny.