THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 99, 29 April 1938, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

■ Anent your potato cure for rheumatism. Another old woman's euro, lmt this time given by a doctor. A piece of jrnrlic placed in the wlc of the shoe inA GARLIC A DAY. side the sock for the cure of whoopinjr cough. Dr. Joyce, of I'injarra. recommended thi* many years ugu. He did not add that if it tionds the cough away it will also eend the family away.—Cheerio. Scotland Yard is puzzled over the identity of something really new in oat burglars. The gentleman in question works on a commission basis (less sales tax) for PURR-HAPS. other crooks. Pie merely pains entrance to the selected building, opens the door to his friends, and then <|uicklv disappears, leaving apparently no paw mark*. If dusturlied at his work lie fools the police by mewing loudly. At all events, he i> recognised by the rest of the underworld as a good proposition, it l>einjr generally accepted that he will have to be apprehended at least nine limes before piniiebment can be meted out to 'him. —B.C.H.

"Graphehi" writes: "Is there any recognised authority for the u«*e of an 'r' at the end of a vowel sound ? For instance. I have

often heard 'pliotor.' The LEAST EFFORT, vowel 'a' has l>een simi-

larly treated. One word in particular gets very scant respect, i.e.. law. pronounced 'lor,' and often by educated people." There is no authority for «such a deviation from the obvious pronunciation of word* —a deviation, indeed, that has been described as a barbarism. Xor could the term educated be applied to any person who used such a barlwrism. Dr. Johnson ouce said that while kno-wledge was a distinction. tho«e who were possessed of it would naturally ri*=.c above those who wore not. Education implies not merely the acquisition of knowledge, but •a development and discipline of mental power? far beyond the "ior" or "Chinar and Japan" *tage.—Touchstone.

For an unmitigated nark that both perplexes and annoys, commend me to the weather clerk, the ruination of our joys. We sweltered

but a month ago beneath BLOW, THOU a kindly summer sun. so WINTER WIND, sultrv that vou'd hardlv

know tlie autumn season had begun. On every stretch of seaside sand surf bathers sported in the spray, a bright, belated sunburnt band: but now." I ask you. where art- they? They vanished, almost in an hour, their little tale of pleasure told; like one who stands beneath the shower and turn? by ehauee the tap marked '"Cold." We're jhearini? now of rain and flood, and even, in some places, snow; the farmer flounders in the mud, while semi-Arctic breezes blow. The time has come for overcoats, and winter woollies, too, I fear, for judging by the weather notes we'll have no autumn time this vear. Yet still some people bles~ their luck.* and cheer when skies are grim and grey, preferring. when they're shooting duck, a wet and windV First of Mav.—Sinbad.

The Australian cricketers open their tour of England to-morrow and from then on for a month or two Plum Warner. .Tardine. Jack Hobbs and other aeknow"HOWZAT?" led-cd authorities will

supply tlie newspapers with column* of criticism." and before the tour is over we can confidently expect trouble to arise and the Empire to be on the versre of war because somebody bowled a ball which aji umpire considered -'over the odds." or an appeal for leg before against Don Bradman war; pooh-poohed by another umpire. And in Australia a million or more enthusiasts will listen-in to the Tests, cleverly put over by a staff. As the chap in the studio taps a coconut shell with a lend pencil the listener-! will hear each bull struck liv the batsmen: thev will hear the crowd cheer ami clap as another chap manipulates a gramophone record, and they will ever hear the concerted chorus of the (ieldsnien render "Howzat V" occasionally. It is all so cleverly done, and very entertaining. l>ut everyone, before the tour is over, wi7l have gone "batty."—Johnnw

"The latls of to-day are slipping.* , said a hoary-headed residenf 'of Devonport as he watched the lights of Am-kland twinkle in

BRIDLE PARTY, boat.* V ran remember

an incident of the "-ood old days before the advent of motor buses and tnxiri. when two of n< arrived in Devonport at t. a.m.. having caujrht the first uiornin? ferry from Auckland. We were in full eveuinand without overcoats. Our bach w»« at Cheltenham and we were in no mood or state to walk the di-tance. As we pawed the waterfront reserve link intervened. It took the form ( ,f a iioiwe with a trailing halter Of common a word we boarded Xeddv an 1 induced him home to CheHeiihani. When we arrived Geurge. the other member of the bach was sound asleep hi his bunk. Meanwhile" we had not forgotten our indebtedness to the faithful horse, and in furtherance of our feelnips we managed to induce the animal to come inside. The fact that lie happened to be rifling at the face of t lie recumbent (ioor-e a* the latter awoke added zest to an alreadv jolly party We southed < .Vorge with „ wllUkv aud milk, had one oumeive*. «nd then ~ avc the bnivi t . a 'double-header—and he loved it u-il draw a curtain over the ensuin" scenes' but. believe ~,P . tl, at Neddy could drink We eventually had a lot of trouble grettin? him out of the kitchen, bfit it wae worth it \ee.' said the old resident, '-them was—or X '—' ket -«-e were

It was my first vieit to Parliament House Leaving er-tenting to a platoon of inspectors' Bob Semple took my arm and showed me round. In the left winCLAY BIRDS. a locked door stood before

.-, „ , ~„ , "?■ "Jolinny Lee's room." said Bob. -lies writing a couple more books about his early hardships and mustn't be disturbed. -But his Parliamentary work"'- 1 qiiPTK'd "(Hi. thereV iiothinji in that. Writinis the tl,i, lg . Parliament is just a routine job. Actually we don't Ww \ it. atS xve „ IM , J iU| ( i(ler-m-( ouneil is just as effective - Bv tins time we were in the cl«j bird ,-....,„ Here a.nuUt tons ~f 1,,,.ke,, Hay bird, and litter we loiuKl \r -urry reading "The Tragic Story ot the Uaih, Strike.-" -He's trying to lind 0,,\ why the Ked Feds went on strike." said Bob "-W you know. «e as H (.iovernmeiit do not believe in strikes." 'But you did om-e." 1 reminded him. Bob smiled with that happv-jro-lueky of his, but said nothing A man approached us with a hu-je photoprai.h of the 1 yramide. Bob turned to him. "On a fortvhour week basis. . . .' I didn - t catdl t j le rest. • i±c is reporting to a Parliamentary Commission on the probable number of square feet of work done ,>y the a vera -e Egyptian in eight hours and the probable' length of time it took to build the Pyramids.'" '-But whv?" I asked. '"Oh." said Boh. "we've oot to '"-et nd of the unempioymont levy somehow—we have too much—so we put a "couple of thousand Public Work- men on to that sort of thing every now and then, while Mr. Armstrong and I think up new ones. ,, "Ten o'clock *ir" t was my man Jh-vcs who woke mo. "You've had a restless sir. if r may sav so si,- •• he said. -Shall 1 lay out the" blue heather mixture to draw you,- sustenance money in or the navy double-breastcr. sir?" "Eveniiin dress and a red tie/ , 1 eaid mechanically - MacClure.