THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 281, 26 November 1937, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

Referring to that legacy in your column, I do not think "W.A.W." is right in saying that the eons received their "correct share of

the estate." On the con"BEASTLY" trary, they each got more PROBLEM, than the father left them.

The reason for thus is that the testator did not bequeath the whole of the cattle, but only one-half, one-third and one-ninth, which makes only 17-18ths. It was the testator's bad arithmetic (or perhaps his lawyer had been "spotting") that made it possible to increase "the estate"' by one beast, frive the sons "a bonus." and return the loan of the added animal.—A.F.O.

The number of correct answers sent in to the problem concerning the division of the seventeen animals published in this "column a few days ago makes it POUR POURS, very clear that it was about the standard set for a primer class. one of those interested, drops an envelope alonp containing what he terms a "humdinger." Here it is: Using four fours, no more and no less, express the numbers 1 to 21 inclusive. You are allowed to use the signs plus (+ ), minus ( —), divided by and multiplied by (X), the decimal point, also parentheses. Divisions can, of course, be expressed as fractions. No radical, or sign of the square root, can be used. For example: 1 = 4/4 -f- (4 —4) or 44/44 and 2 = (4 X 4)/(4 + 4), which is 16/8. Now go ahead and try to express all the numbers jfrom 1 to 21.—Johnny.

A member of the Knglish Air Force has been court-martialled for flying low over poultry farms. He was endeavouring to get the lay of the land. It COOP DE FORCE, appears that he frightened the hens so much that they refused to lay. The machine he us?d was a bomber, and this war-like demonstration had cawsed the peace-loving fowls to get up in arms, so to speak, as a protest. It might almost be said that they objected to the principle of a second landing on the Plymouth Rock. Rather than run the risk of laying scrambled eggs, they apparently decided on a "stand-up" strike. Their action will be heartily endorsed by such bodies as the Peace Conference and the Methodist Synod. During the Great War, when munition workers jwere urgently required, one of the Government slogans was: "We cannot fight without shells." 'There was still another one warning the public about "the foreign yoke"—but perhaps I should let the matter rest there.— B.C.H. Mr. Semple can't do everything in a day; hence the roads are not yet free fro ti accidents. But, one presumes, they will be jasfc as soon as his "save the fool from MISHAP. himself" policy has been fully implemented. I jus*, had to drag in "implemented" there., because something seems to have happened to that once familiar wurd. We haven't heard it for a long time. Perhaps it will bob up again when the next election comes round But to get back V» our roads. Once they have been made safe, Mr. Semple can turn his attention to the home. It Beems to be an undecided point whether more accidents happened in the home or out of it. In the United States approximately £400,000 a day is spent {witching up people who have met with accidents in their own homes. The land of the free isn't peculiar in this respect. In homes all over New Zealand accidents are happening all the time. Dad decides on a spot of carpentry and promptly puts the hammer with full weight behind it squarely on to his thumb. Mum. running to see what the commotion is all about, slips on the hall oilcloth that she will polish despite all protest and sprains an ankle. The family cat. noting the signs and scenting danger from afar, makes a dash for the open, scratching the kid en route and upsetting the big dish that Auntie Jane sent as a present on the wedding anniversary. If there is nobody else*in the house, that will do as the tale of mishaps for that day, but if there is anybody else about it is quite on the ■cards that he (or she) will crash into the general bother. Statistical fellows who love to fossick out odd pieces of information tell us that in the home the bathroom is responsible for most of the accidents. You read the health ads., and as a result you jump exuberantly into your tub. But baths are slippery. Up go your feet, and your head iwatly removes a water faucet. There is no advice I can give to avoi<l these home casualties. They have just got to be. —B.O'X.

We have been gulping down strong draughts of adenoids, with short dissertations on tonsils as chasers, for the past five years. The middle-aged hypoILLS OF MAN. cliondi iac who usurps the centre seat in the smoking cabin of the ferrv morning by morning, to the disappointment of divers shop assistants who pet stamina for the day's work from jsitting in the ranks of the sharebrokers and solicitors, has been telling the story of his ailments to all who have the misfortune to flop down in liis vicinity. Three months ago lie was painting vivid, punch-packed word pictures of his throat troubles. These, always ending in an O. Henry climax as the gangway came down, faded when his doctor "positively rushed him to the hospital for an operation." Then started an enthralling serial story of his kidney troubles. A brief synopsis of past chapters each morning, and he was away in easy, flowing style, touching up the tale with occasional picturesque side-trackings designed to cover causes and effects. A month back his fluency was badly damaged by an unfortunate incident in mid-liarbour. In full cry on the trail of a doctor who had decamped abroad when the patient was practically at his last gasp, he was rudely interrupted by a lank youth, who, despite his chintessness and habit of smoking very "racehorrsey" cigarettes, this typewriter had always suspected of recklessness. The lad interposed: "Why the blazes don't you get your ruddy kidneys chiselled out and stop talking about tlieni?" That checked the flow for that morning and for several mornings following, until he announced with apparent delight that the doctor wanted to operate. Yesterday he reappeared in the smoking cabin a changed man. What do you think? It was not his kidneys at all—it was gallstones! And he had never suspected it. Incidentally, did we know whether it was possible to get the stones from the hospital? He would like to have a look at them: perhaps he might even be allowed to take them away to keep behind the clock. One of the nurses had told him that some of the best patients did that.— Albus.

SIMPLE WORDS. | "Touchstone" writes: The following aonnet was written as .1 literary curiosity to show what may be done with words of one syllable: Think not that strength lies in the big. round word. Or that the brief and plain must needs be weak. For whom can this be true who once has heard The cry for help, the tongue that all men speak ? i When want or woe or fear is in the throat. So that each "*ord gasped out is like a shriek Pressed from a sore heart; or a strange, wild note Sung by some fay or fiend. There is a strength J Which dies if stretched too far. or spun too ; fine: , Which has more height than breadth, more depth than length: Let but this force of thought and speech be mine. And he that will may take the sleek, fat phrase . ( Tliiit glows but burns not. though it g'eam j *nd shine— Light but not heat, a flash but not a flame. l :