LAUGH WITH THE WORLD

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 264, 6 November 1937, Page 12 (Supplement)

LAUGH WITH THE WORLD

Misunderstood At a' meeting convened by a religious organisation in an attack upon gambling the speaker confessed that only once had he indulged in a "flutter." "I once boujrht a ticket in a raffle for my wife," he declared. "So that's how yon got her," called out a voice from the audience. ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ Normal Mrs. Skinflint eyed the box of kippers with critical expression. "What are they a pair?'' she asked the fishmonger. "Threepence, ma'am," he replied. "Good graciou*, man!" she barked, "they're very small for the price." The fishmonger sighed patiently: "Well, it's like this," he replied, "these kippers come from the North Sea, not Loch Ness." ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ No Hope The doctor had examined the poor man's eyes, and took his wife aside and said: "I fear expensive optical treatment is beyond your means, but let him wash his eye» every morning in brandy, and I will call again." The doctor returned in a week to inquire how the good man was getting on. "Alas I doctor," said the wife, "he has tried his best to bathe his eyes, but he can never get the cup past his mouth." ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ Oversight "That letter I gave you this morning —did you post it?" asked the wife. "Well, no. dear." said her husband. "Of course you did not. and I told you that it was important that it should go to-day." "Y«*. dpar." "And you forgot to post it. If that's not just like a man." "But, dear—" "Don't 'but dear' me. I'm thoroughly anjrry." "But. dear, look at the letter. You forgot to put any address on it!"

Busy Man John: We'll get married come Tuesday fortnight then, lass, if it's wet. Girl: What do you mean, "if it's wet ?" John: Why, Oi'll be goiu' 'ay-making if it be foine, of course.

Hard Tack The teacher had forbidden the children to eat sweets or chew gum during school time. One day she became suspicious of a lump in Jiinmie'a cheek. "Jimmie," she said reprovingly, "are you eating sweets or chewing gum ?" "Neither," replied Jimmie. "I'm soaking a prune to eat during the break." ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ Mixed Mike: So you've left your job, Pat. Pat: Yes. Mike: Was the boss surprised when he knew you were leaving? Pat: No, he knew before I did.