THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 160, 8 July 1937, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) PROGRESS. When motors first cnme into use The roads were not so wide. And often, at some narrow point, Two motors would collide. But highways now are straight and broad. And when you take a drive. You seldom see two cars pile up. Instead it's four or five. —R.C.O. An Italian barber known as Solly Smith ha-* just- been informal that he is a real count and is worth £150,000. His mother had kept the whole matter secret GOLDILOCKS. for fear that her son would he called upon to serve in the Italian Army. Recently, however, she changed her mind, and produced the neceesary document**. The count will, of course, give up his practice as a harber, although the whole incident would euggest that we have found at last the really genuine heir restorer. —B.C.H. There was the ca*e of the successful Auckland business man who decided to return to his home town, London. In the course of his wanderings he. arrived TIMES CHANGE, at the office where he had learned his profession thirty years before. Ho aeked for Mr. Smith, who had been his immediate senior. Mr. Smith had died fifteen years previously. Then he inquired for Jones, .Tones had sought the fresher fields of Canada twenty years ago. Finally, he tried for Robinson and was told (hat Robinson, now the manager, was away <in a business tour likely to last a month. So lie started a conversation with the office boy. "You know, my lad." he paid, "I was the fust office l>oy employed by this firm. I watched my money and went to New Zealand thirty yoare ago; now I'm a wealthy man-" "Xot bad." quoth the boy, "but you can't get away with that to-day/ They keep a cash reirieter here."—Albus.

Pity tlie poor solicitor who scans with dismal resignation a formidable list of clients' bad debts; and pay with cheerful heart the extra guinea he eocks you IS THAT SO? to make up the deficiency.

For his is not a bed of roses. One from the South numbers a fractious Irishwoman among , his "borderline" cases, and confirmed hie worst fears in a recent episodeIt had. been arranged that she ehould call to discuss financial affairs with the solicitor and three others of the profession one Wednesday at 3 p.m. Tho solicitors *at round the desk, blew smoke rings and filled an ashtray; but no client arrived. On the following day the woman called on another matter and was met by an irate solicitor demanding an explanation of her absence at the appointed hour. <; I sent you a letter telling , you to be here yesterday for certain.' , he declared. ''Well, now," was , the Irishwoman's response; "was that what was in the envelope? Begorra. an' I thought it was your bill an' never opened it."—D.W.B. There is a young farmer at Bombay with ■a romantic weakness for arraying himself in full cowboy regalia, and, armed with a shotgun, may frequently be WRONG MARK, seen stalking wild lions and raving , tigers on the farm. ■Recently a lieighlxwr'e horse took to straying and funned the habit of leaning over the cowboy-farmer's front gate to thoughtfully chew at the flowers and shrubs. Deciding that this invasion called for drastic measures as behoved a gun-packing man. the Bombay cowboy charged both barrels of hie shoizrun with saltpetre, lashed it in the hedge, aimed at the gat-e. and rigged up a trigger line so that the first pressure on the gate would produce result*. Unfortunately the straying horse failed to appear at his usual time "that evening, hut a belated coal man did. Struggling under a sack of coal, the innocent workman kicked open the gate, and the roar of artillery and blinding flash at close range not unnaturally sent tho coal man leaping skyward with his cargo spraying in all directions. Fortunately none of the saltpetre found a human I mark, but what that irate and muscular heaver of coal did to the imnantie cowboy has already become history.—F.R. "A recent picture of the Prime Minister, the Ritrht Hon. M. .T. Savage, as he appeared with the Kigb/t Hon. W. .7. Lyons. Prime Mtni«ter of Australia, at POLITICIANS the Guildhall. London, to AND PANTS, receive the freedom of the city. shows that even when dressed in fashionable orthodox attire he retains the characteristic of not having his trousers cut long,"' writes "Old Taranaki Pioneer." "Mr. Lyons, on the other hand, wore trousers that well covered hie boots. When Sir Robert Stout was Premier from ISS4 to 1887 he was conspicuous even at State functions (which, by the way. did not always appeal to his practical mind) for what the wits of that day called 'having his pants at half-mast.' Sir Robert as long ago as <iO to ()."> years, when 'peg-top' trousers fitted neatly right over the top of the boot and were very-fashionable with professional men. never wore them, giving ae his reason that he liked to have a walk in the fields every morning and he did not want the bottom of his trousers to get covered with wet dew or mud. The habit of having his. morning walk continued with Sir Kobert richt till the end of his long life. Both Mr. Scddon and -Mr. Massey wore long, baggy pants. Sir Harry Atkineon and .Tohn Ballanee were very careless about their dress. Sir Julius Vogel. stout and troubled with gout, was almost slovenly, although he always parted his hair in the centre. Sir John Hall and Sir Joseph Ward were -always well groomed, and wore wellfitting clothes. Sir George Grey wore characteristic clothes and always looked the courtly gentleman. In recent years George Forbes and Gordon Coates, so "closely associated in public life, were a great contrast in the cut of their clothes and the way they wore them."

Several paragraplw have apjieared in this oolninn lately touching "smart" replies made \>y jadsoA, magistrates or counsel in Court. and perhaps a oa-e in THE DUCKS WON. which the client put over something smart mijrlit he squeezed in. Tt was a-Maori. by tlie way. and he had a difference with a neighbour over the ownersliip of a jiroportv in a cmintry district. Failing to nniu< to'an nercpment. the Maori decided to take the matter to CurtHe interviewed his "rawyer' , and put his >i<le of the case. could see at a planre that the ease was weak, so weak, in fact, that he was forced to admit the Maori would be extremely lucky to get a judgment in hi* favour. Then Hori (that name will no as well as nny other) had a brain wave. "You know te ehudge?" he asked. The lawyer looked at t his client. "The case will not be heard by a judge, but by Mr. Blank, who i* a justice of the peace." he remarked. "You tink he like a couple duck*?"' "What?" said tho legal light. '-.Vow. look here. Don't you go thinking about sending him anv ducks. "He would have you tip for contempt* of Court. If he didn't do that lie would certainly give judgment against you. He wouldn't dare decide in your favour if you eer.t him a brace of duck*." "Orriglit," said Hori. It was the following week when the case was heard, and after much lying on the part of the witnesses and keen argument by counsel the decision went to Hori. Surprised, but not inclined to admit it, the legal light, accompanied by Hori. left the courthouse. "Well, it was a tough go, but T think I put over one or two point* that old Blank could not set away from."' said "Cix«ts.'' '"You tiiik so? I tink te" ducks <lid it," replied Hori. "What! You're, not going to tell me you rsent the J.P. a couple of ducks?" "Yeah. Vou tole me if I sent te duck's [ lose te ease I sent, them but put te other fella'e name oa them.'"—Jolinny.