THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 133, 7 June 1937, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) "Touchstone" writes: "He took hie boots off and threw one at her. It hit the cupboard door close to her. She retaliated by throwing a washing basin. He threw ANNOYANCE. it back at her. He caught hold of her by the neck and shook her- Her nose bled. He went to the l>athroom following an altercation about the youngest son. He threw a handful of water which missed her. Both were annoyed at this stage." This is from the evidence of a woman who finally picked up a four-pound weight and threw it at her husband, who was alleged to have thrown it back and fractured her "skull. "Warm work, one might say, but an indication of something more than annoyance. Annoyance may be set up by repeated acts of disturbance or irritation, but the word does not express exasperation or irritation in a high degree. Shakespeare writes: "A grain, a du6t, a gnat, a wandering hair, any annoyance in that precious sense." What he would have thought of a l>oot, a basin or a bowl of water, not to mention a door weight, nobody will ever know; but he would not have associated, them with the word annoyance.

Dear M.A.T., —Let me cross a friendly lance with '"Touchstone." In Friday's issue he states: '"The practice of omitting the' before ships' names is SHIPS' ARTICLE, not British in origin." Mv long experience of the sea and shijis and everything appertaining thereto is the very opposite. In the records of the Admiralty wherein ships' names are kept "the"' is never used before a ship's name. So do we find the rule strictly observed in the early (and late) edition of Lloyd's Casualty Register. In my library I have copies of all the reports sent to the Lords of the Admiralty by Nelson's captains after the Battle of Trafalgar. In noting the actions and dispositions of the ships of the British, French Eind Spanish fleets, in not one instance is the article used. Might I ask "Touchstone" how he suggests a journalist should deal with such names as the following? The Tweed (Willis' famous flagship), The Saint, The Secret, The Three Daughters, The Star or The Lass o' Ballochmyle, most beautiful of all theclippers. All these vessels and many others hud the article registered at Lloyd's as part of the name, as a perusal of an old Lloyd's Register will show.—Lee Fore Brace.

There is no business, and it is a business in which luck counts for something like 99 per cent and judgment 1 per cent, where there are so minv pitfalls as WOT SO EASY. in trying to pick winners of horee races. And yet you have only to board a tramcar after a race meeting—one of those trams which run to and from Ellerslie and charge you a "bob" for a fivepenny ride—and you will hear someone holding forth, and telling the world how he knew this horee or that horse would win. He talks in the vernacular of the racegoer, and uses such terms as "home and dried," "money for nothing." "stone certaintv." "wheeze." "dinkum oil." "on the ice," "cinch" and "lay-down misere." To his listeners it is just as good as the best Oxford, and probably is more emphatic. There was one such chap in a car coming home from Ellerslie 011 Saturday. Why he hadn't made a small fortune only he could explain, because he definitely knew—or gave the impression that he knew— all the winners before the races started. One of his companions, who, no doubt, had heard similar tales before, leaned over as the car turned from the Great South Road into Newmarket and said, "Look here; according to you, you knew the winners this morning. I'll bet you a couple of drinks you can't tell me what won the seven races and you have just left the course." When the" car reached Symonds Street the knowing one was one race down.—Johnny.

New Zealanders who grumble over such matters as high-priced oranges. B radio stations, etc., should feel thankful that they have not greater worries. CROSSING Take, for instance, the THE BAR. town of Corrimal, New South Wales. A once happy community is now faced with the stark horror of a "beer strike." The trouble started with the dismissal of a barman, and following a decision to commence stav-out tactics, it was further resolved to demand that the price of "schooners' be reduced from ninepence to eightpence. "Schooner," by the way, is a word not familiar to many, and even a Supreme Court judge could be pardoned for inquiring blandly "What is a schooner?" The somewhat nautical-sounding term applies to a type of drinking vessel, na.ing a handle and being tall and very narrow—something like a shelfcase. To men with long noses they are a nightmare. Seldom seen in Auckland, they were at one time in abundance at a certain marine suburb hotel. The proprietor, however, soon found his stock dwindling rapidlv until eventually his bar was bare of "schooners." One evening he was invited to a dinner partv at a bach occupied by a group of his regular customers. The place was well and frillv futnislied particularly in the way of ware. and the guest had the 'humiliating experience of spending an evening surrounded bv his own property. It reminds me of the dentist who. having made a complete set of teeth for a patient, eventually sued for the amount due- The defendant" called on him and used most uncomplimentary lan<ma"e \s the dentist put it: "He had the damned cheek to gnash at me with my own teeth:"'—B.C.H.

According to statements made in tlie Magistrate's Court in Wellington there has recently been an epidemic of desertions from DESFRXITPQ ° V T PaS . ships ' and tUe i»ii.O£,Kifc.KS. authorities appear to be ~ ~ somewhat concerned about the matter. For the most part, they are young men who thus attempt to make a'home tor themselves m a strange land, and thev come to a country where the stationary population statistics are constantly moving'learncd people to lecture us dolefully about the futureIt may be that we are tremendously illo"ical when we endeavour with so much* care" to keep out of the country people for whom there is plenty of room. To desert from a ship is to commit a crime, for which the penalty is usually Imprisonment followed by return " sI V' K Bllt desertion has the* peculiar quality that it ceases to be a crime after a lapse of time. Indeed, as the years •*<> by. it appears to acquire a virtue. From the very beginning of things in New Zealand men have been deserting from ships, ami some of the oldest families in the country owe their onginal settlement to that fact. * Long after the time when the gold rushes used to cause wholesale desertions, sailors continued to a "? \1 th , e period of Vew Zealand's iapid agricultural growth many of them became successful farmers, and some of them died rich. That desertions are still occurring merely proves that the young men of to-day like the young men of earlier generations, are eager for adventure and the lure of an unknown life It is extremely unlikely that their quality has deteriorated, and that beinc so the probability is that Xew Zealand is j receiving, per the age-old method of desertion, citizens who will one day prove to be among the opulent and highly "respectable sections of the population.—B.CTX.

THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. Be master of your will, slave of vour conscience.—Marcus Aur<4ius.