RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 120, 22 May 1937, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

(By "ZAMIEL.")

The weather motto: Hail, the King.

The woman's, way: If you don't get what yon want, cry, cry, cry again.

Social tact is making your visitors feel at home -while wishing they were.

"A sense of humoirr," says a writer, '•keeps you young." He who laughs lasts, of course. , There is a vast difference between Mr. Semple's "wheelbarrow" and Mr. Xa-sh saying "We'll borrow.* . Reported that a family in the south have a parrot that speaks with a strong Scots accent. Yee, it's a HacAw, of course. Have they found out yet what eventually happened to the Press photographer who asked Mussolini to look pleasant?

And again the wise young man who, when told, by the girl of hie heart that she didn't wish to see. him any more, arose and turned out the light*.

And there was the dumb Dora, who, hearing the inventor say his machine would be an epoch-making machine, said she would love to see it make an epoch.

The Empire Trade Week procession on Wednesday aroused considerable interest. Many married women were observed making notes of various tinned goods.

When thunderstorms occur all work ceases at the Woolwich Arsenal. It is considered wiser to allow tie employees to have a blow-out than see the arsenal blow up.

The world's beet contortionist has just been discovered in London. He ie sai<J to be able to wriggle his way into a home-knitted pullover under a quarter of an hour.

Reported that some colonials on their way to England to see the Coronation spent ae much as £30 in tips aboard ship. The stewards gave them the palm for generosity.

In some parts of England the price of fish is so.high that the poorer classes cannot afford to buy it. In other words, they haven't the "sprats" to buy herrings.

Vegetable growers, it ie stated, are finding it difficult to dispose of their produce. Why not request theatre proprietors to put on a few amateur trials competitions T

"The kilt still has its supporters in Scotland," remarks a writer. And in Auckland, too, we hope, if embarrassing incidents are to be avoided when, the pipe band parades.

Reported that a three-year-old girl prodigy can answer a couple of hundred abstruse questions. In a few years' time she'll be doing the asking and her hubby the answering.

Parents are advised not to allow their children to be kissed by adults, owing to the danger of infection with infantile paralysis. It is just as well there's no election campaign on at present.

We offer the suggestion that in future all professional boxers should be compelled to wear costumes made of eggshells. The public are entitled to know when either boxer lands a heavy blow.

They are doing their best with disinfectant sprays to keep harmful germs out of trams and buses. But no one seems to have hit on an effective means to stop them riding about on bicycles.

Coloured eggs can now be produced by feeding hens on dyed grains. Someone should ,now try feeding them on dates, so that we'll know how old the eggs are by the time the grocer delivers them.

A correspondent drops a line to say that on Saturday night he heard "shivery screams," which appeared to come from the direction of Mount Eden. Possibly it was a nudist who had lost her way.

A news papagraph informs us that an explorer in Southern Asia, has discovered a bean that grows at an alarming rate. In planting, the best method is to make a hole in the ground, drop the bean in, and .then jump clear.

An Aucklander who planned to carry out extensive repairs to his oldfashioned house has Just returned from Xaplcs. After seeinu the ruins of Pompeii he has decided his own place is not too bad and will not have the proposed repairs effected.

It is claimed that some Tarascans. a tribe of Mexican Indians, can. with bow and arrow, split a grain of wheat at a distance of 30ft. There is a suspicion that some, have emigrated to Auckland and are employed in restaurants splitting those pieces of cheese for which we pay a penny a piece. "IN THE MUD."

The Minister of Public Works, the Hon. R. Semple. speaking to the business executives of Auckland at a luncheon, said it was his job to provide means of access and communication for the people of New Zealand —and that included the outback farmer, who was "isolated, segregated, and stuck in the mud."

Rnnkers and captains of commerce, Merchants of wealth and renown. Who*,, knowledge "f trade mid of markets Is (fooil for the country and town, Have problems of business extension. And projects that blossom aiid bud —■ What-ho for the proper dimension Of Hie tiuin who is stuck in the mud!

Industry's wliopls nre revolving. Machinery rumbles and roars; The numberless workers are busy In factories, workshops, and stores. Evolving their marvellous produrtu, From dynamos down to a stud It's au p[iic o£ organised labour. Hut J"et —there's the. man in the mud

The intricate mazes of transport, By lorry and motor and rail, The speeding of wheels on the highway To the end of the bitumen trail: And then—away to the buckblocks. Where bullocks are chewing the cud. Hauling essentials of living To the man who is stuck in the mud!

Of culture and news niul amusement The townies have daily supply: • The sporting events and tile nmvi-s Are brightening moments that fly. Entertainment and recreation— The pleasures that ouicken the bli.oU Are not for the "cocky" that's lonely. 'Cos why? He's stuck in the mud!

Who's speaking? All, yes, Mr. Semitic' He comes with a message of cheer. Hooray for the friend of the people. Who says "we have nothing to fear ' But. ilnsh it all! Who said taxation? Well, soim-oiic is "ccuiing a tliud" When footing the bill for the millions For the man who is stuck in the mud.