ENTERTAINING.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 84, 10 April 1937, Page 3 (Supplement)

ENTERTAINING.

A RARE ART.

WHAT HOSTESSES SHOULD DO.

(By A YOUNG MAN.) Entertaining is an art probably more difficult and more exacting in its demands upon women than any other activity. Yet many do not realise it. They feel that there are certain conventions which it is needful for them, as hostesses, to observe; and with other womenfolk they are more or less a success. But are they always a success when they entertain young men? Their ion's friends, for example? We must admit that they are not. Many a hostess is a bore to men.

The reasons are not very hard to find. The essentials of entertaining may be compressed into the formula —be interesting. It is because she has interests in common with them that a woman is able to entertain other women successfully. She is interested and therefore interesting. When the problem of entertaining a young man arises the matter is not so simple. Amongst women certain topics are seldom or never out of place: dress and fashion, for example. That could •carcely be said of men. Probably sport binds them more than anything else, and its appeal is by no means universal. So when a man moves amongst strangers he sometimes experiences a shyness, or a feeling that he is out of filace, seldom felt by women.

The Complete Stranger. How much more difficult must it be when a difference in sex is added—when a woman is called on to entertain a young man who is a complete stranger to her. Not only must she talk on strange subjects; she must vary them with every individual she encounters. What, interests one will bore another.

A vague recognition of this fact causes many women to fall into ways that bore everyone. Take the radio. How few young men like to be fed on broadcast music? The radio has a distinct use a means of educating or entertaining thosfl who feel the need for it. But. People ,lo not visit their friends to listen' in when they can do that quite well at home.

Nor does the radio provide a suitable backs-round for conversation. Th&e who Jike broadcast music mingled with all the activities of their waking hours should forgo the company of visitors when listening in. If they want to ta 'k let them talk only. Musical accompaniment is out of place. Conversation has perils of its own Which many people ignore. Unlike the radio it cannot be eliminated, for it is tte keystone of all social intercourse, •ko one can object to it, but everyone can learn its rules.

A pertinent one that women should remember is that a guest should not be measured by the yardstick of a son's interests. A young man may contract friendship, say, in his trade or profession, and, apart from an interest in their work, he and his friend may have absolutely no interests in common.

Examine any concrete example. A man visits the home of a fellow mechanic who is a keen chess player or a stamp collector. -In neither sphere is the former more than slightly interested. Is it likely that he should want chess or stamp collecting to dominate the conversation ? And will he enjoy a cross-examination on them by his friend's mother or father? In the inevitable comparisons someone i* sure t° suffer, and upon reflection everyone w}H regret a thoroughly uncomfortable experience.

The Family Album. Some people have a weakness for boasting, quite unconsciously, about their relatives. The fact that there is somewhere a man who was slightly bruised in a fall from his bicycle is not of very great importance even to those who know him. His fortitude on that occasisn certainly does not merit the half-hour recital with which his relatives weary an absolute stranger. Likewise, the remarkable intelligence of someone's newest nephew is not vitally significant to most young men. And the family photo album, or the history of the bewhiskered gentleman in the picture gallery—well, do they deserve more than the yawn that they earn?

Personal affairs are taboo in wellmannered circles. Amongst close friends there are wider limits; but generally a man does not care to talk about his wages, his bank account, the price of his last suit, and the cost of his theatre tickets. Talk sometimes drifts to these and like topics and leads on to a guest's discomfort. The wise hostess avoids them and the paths that lead to them.

And guests do not like things forced upon them. Tastes in cigarettes, and drinks, and cakes differ; that is why the very best may be declined by perfectly polite guests. And if a good cook has her best shortbread passed by she should not be offended. There are times when even healthy young men must decide that they are not hungry— or have had enough.

Easy Conversation. The safest way to entertain is to keep up a bright and changeable conversation. Drop any subject that causes discomfort. Encourage the shy guest. It is not enough to have him answering blank "yes" and "no" to everything. He feels ridiculous if he's doing that, even if he is not to blame. Conversation is successful only trn a give-and-take basis, and when a subject of mutual interest is discovered both parties should express their views. To see that this is done is the task of the hostess, and it requires infinite tact. But she should remember that, after all, she is "at home," and her aim should be to make her guest feel at home, too.

The woman who aims to observe the foregoing rules in their entirety probably imagines that she will have a hard and lonely hand to play. It is not really as bad as that. It will be hard, but she can make it easier and temper its loneliness, especially by making use of the younger set. Normal young men soon feel at ease in the company of young women, and the shrewd hostess plays off her son's friends against her daughter's. The success of that arrangement is the best answ»r to any fears she may have that she is not playing the game.