THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 23, 28 January 1937, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

The Hon. Walter Xaeh has just been presented with the freedom of the carpet city of Kidderminster. Reminds one of the "Punch" story of the JUST KIDDING two dear okl ladies who HIM. , went int*> a carpet shop. '"We want a carpet." they said, "but we cannot pay too much for it. We want it to look a good one, though; it's for the vicar." "Got the very thin-.r you want," said the salesman as he spread it wide. '"Real Kidder-minister."' The Imps, aged eight and six. had been promised a large glass of bubbling ginger "pop" each if they behaved themselves and played quietly for two hours ECSTASY. while' mummy rested. Comparative peace reigned over the allotted period. Some minutes a f ter the reward had been dealt with the elder Imp ranged himself alongside father and remarked enthusiastically, "Oh, daddy, that was a Lively big glass of ginger pop! I* was so big I had to say twelve beg pardons cfter it!"—lslefort. Dear M.A.T., —Will you please remind the writer who furnished the "Star" with the paragraph on Anniversary Day that he is astray in his facts? He WHICH DAY, tolls "us that "Auckland WHAT DAY? U almost invariably blest with a fine day on January 20 for the celebration of the founding of the city." If he had stopped short at "January 29" lip would have been quite- correct, according to my experience, .extending over sixty years, but Auckland never celebrates the founding of the city. If it was officially founded at all. which T am not quite sure about, it was in September, but Auckland always celebrates the founding of "New Zealand, the correct date of which is generally held to be January 30, and in that respect it is unlike all the other provinces, for they each celebrate come purely local event of no national signifir-anee.—Auckland Born. "Touchstone" writes:'An inquiry has been received for the pronunciation of the word absolutely. The writer says he hears it pronounced absol-viitely, with MISUSED WORD, emphasis on* the* third syllab'e. "Is there any justification for this?" he asks. "Or is it pure affectation r" There is no justification for it. The accent is on the first syllable—"all." It never falls on "lute." In consequence, the "lute" is part of two rapidly-pronounced syllables, "lutely," and w nearer "l'te" than '"lute." To test this, take a proper name having a resemblance to absolute. How many poisons pan spell the name of King David's rebellious son? The fact that the emphasis falls on the first syllable—"Ab"—tends to slur the succeeding vowels, and we get ■'Ah-sTni." This point will be driven home harder if tlic reader turns up the spelling for himself. In absolutely, by the way. the "lu" syllable has a slightly liquid sound. The Mikado, as Gilbert and Sullivan made him, had a waiting list of people who "Xever Would Be Missed," and it was all about that kind of person who THEY WON'T ate chewing gum and BE MISSED, threw it down to be trptlden upon (if chewing gum was invented then, but you get the idea?). This little par. is all about that sort of person, with a little earnest discussion as to whether a certain amount of eminence will excuse a great deal of the other sort of thing. It is. in fact, about an eminent nieinber of a certain profession (which shall not be mentioned, as it might bring dierepute upon the other estimable members of the certain profession), and he is not, thank goodness, a Xew Zealander. To come to the point, he Orders people. He pays a comparatively modest sum to be- accommodated and boarded—and he demands £20 worth of service, without the smile that irets it for nothing. He has a very busy quarterdozen of maids nearly in tear*,*for hi* demands begin at 7 a.m. and continue until 11 p.m. and later—and he does not let it rest there. He Orders the other guests, too. "Ring me a taxi." he called to a ladv who was using tho telephone. Being a lady, sho answered that she was at that moment speaking to her husband, and would he wait a moment? "My taxi's more important than your husband." he snapped, anil waved bU' hands in excitement. Stran»e person, isn't he? A real Kipley product. The question, dear readers. is what is to l,e done? Thank y..-i. lady; I agree. He would not lie missed.—Kea. Forty year-; or *,» a rr n a horse, with a cart l»ehind it. bolted down a Dunedin Street. A sixteen -year-old boy dashed out from the footpath, and with a CURED BY TICK, flying lean --.il.l.ed the horse's bridle. Horse, cart ami boy wont down in a horrible tangle, with the boy underneath. Durina the next five years the doctors used periodically to hanir him 'up by the neck in the hope that his weight would straighten his sp i,,e. and then box him up in plaster again. When at last they (lischarsred him they turned him out cased from the hips to the armpits in a steel shell, like a Life Guards cuirass. This was to be his underwear for the rest of his life He went to his uncle's sheep farm to convalesce, however, and one day he went out to lend a hand in drafting out'a few sheep for the market. Soon he became painfully aware that his uncle's flock was infested with tick. .."'I " p , couldn't scratch under his armour' V.iVnling and shrugging as he went, he lmbblcd over to the tool shed, where a few minutes' work with hiick.«nw and cold chisel freed him from his shell. Without its support for bis shattered snine. hi* journey back to the farmhouse, after the massacre. wn« s\ lli-ihtmnre. but he got home nf Inst. His armour was ruined beyond repair, him] lie was a lone way from Hum-din, so he <liil without it. Each <lay he managed to hobble a little further and a little faster. To-day, a jrandfuther several times over, he c:ui toiHl his toes without effort, tlinngli when lie dues so hiri tan-led vertebrae stand un in a knot that any enthusiastic medical student would jn*t love to try and untangle. Rnt the one-timo cripple mnintnnis that there was m> nm> at the recent niedirnl conference who could have done for him what the vulgar and unpopular sheep tick did.—T.M. FREE SPEECH. It would appear that he who lives in Russia Is wise to make his policy one of hush-hu«h —in fact, even husher: For while our local Communists are keen about free speech. The Communists in Russia hardly practice what their New Zealand admirers nreach It is not wise, for instance, to proclaim the praise of Trotsky. On pain of beinpr shotsky. While quite a lot have found themselves stood up aprainst a palinp For casual remarks they may have passed concerning Sta'inp. Then, pastimes that suggest a counterrevolution Are hardly ever popular with the average You may rend Karl Marx- or Bernard Shaw hut not Kiplincr or Captain MarrvHt \\hi>. as everyone knows, are Fascist" in tendency, and a menace to the proletariat It seems ton. that those NV W Wliin™™ who claim that wo to the virtues of ! Russia are blinded ; Are rather fortunate that the local authorities are not eounlly broadminded. —SIXBAD.