THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVII, Issue 4, 6 January 1937, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) Big brother and mum were discussing adult subjects. Baby sister Tui unexpectedly burst into the room and mum, catching ' brother's eye, said "Ssh!" INNOCENCE. With childish alertness, Tui rapidly summed up the situation and said, "Yes. Eric, mumma always keeps me innocent.-. She won't even tell me what a skellington is!" -It-.la noted that our licensing laws-are being strictly enforced nowadays, and the knowledge of this fact is prompting publicans ' to clear their bar premises TIME* PLEASE 1 at the "Time, gentlemen!" • curfew. A local hotelkeeper was most annoyed recently to see a belated "client" ascending the stairs leading to the private "house bar" on- the first floor. The time -being. 6.30 *p.m., the somewhat befuddled visitor was promptly ordered off the premises. The wife, returning from shopping at tlus moment, was met half way up the stairs by the disgruntled one, who, tapping her on the shoulder, murmured, "No chance of a spot up there, old thing—he's too tough!"—B.C.H. "Touchstone" writes: —"Loan" ought not to be'used as a verb, although, as a correspondent has kindly pointed out, it often creeps into newspapers in false LOAN IS NOT A whiskers. The word is VERB. essentially a noun, meaning something - lent, especially a sum of money lent at interest; the act of lending, or a "lending. Yon may speak of "raising a loan" or a "loan of capital," or a "loan of credit," but "it was loaned"' is an American barbarism. The idea has got abroad that "to loan" is more genteel than "to lend." But "loan" is never found in the Bible as a verb. Instead, we read, "if ye lend to them, who lend to you what thank have ve?" And Shakespeare would no more have thought of saying "I will loan that to you" than of saying "Give me the lend of that." The proper English word is used in the following passage:— Heaven doth with us as we with torches do. Not light them for themselves: for if onr virtues Dirt not go forth from us. 'twere all alike As if we had them not. Spirits are not finely touch'd But to fine Issues, nor Nature never lends The smallest scruple of her excellence. But like a thrifty jjoddefw. she determines Herself the glory of a creditor. Both thanks and use. Many a sporting gentleman at this time of the year wavers between a good holiday "away from the madding crowd" and the Auckland Cup meeting. I PICKING know of one man who WINNERS, this Christmas decided to "burn the candle at both ends" by making his bets before the meeting and then taking a holiday upon a farm. Rural life w*th its many novelties appealed to him greatly, and his scant knowledge of cattle, etc., soon became so augmented by practical experience that he arrived home from the backblocks "a practical farmer." However, after having perused the racing results in the old newspapers he has decided there is still much to learn. The'said racing results have proved that he cannot yet distinguish between a racehorse and a cow. Talking about farm life, some readers may not have heard of the "cocky" from the way backs of Queensland who, after many years of isolation, decided (in-1020) to pay a visit to Brisbane. On his arrival he naturally hied himself/ to the first hotel,.where he soon was in conversation with a customer in the bar. - "An' who won the wart" he asked the customer.. "Oh, we did." replied the other. The visitor drained his beer. Said he, "I'm damned glad o' that, 'cos I could never,stand them Boers!'' —B.C.H

Listening to the rhapsodies of a dog fancier friend of mine the other evening, I could not help thinking of a cockney acquaintance of many years ago. "Treat He was a caretaker of a ROUGH.'" big, old-fashioned house and found time was hanging on his hands a little- heavily. He conceived the idea of starting a home for sick dogs in the basement. He soon built up a wonderful reputation and the pampered pets of West End came to him in large numbers. Almost invariably the dogs seemed to thrive under his treatment, which was the same for practically all types. They were given a huge dose of castor oil, thrown into a tub of disinfectant and then let loose in the basement. They had tc fight far their food with the rest of the pack once a day and the food was considerably less varied than that to which I they had been accustomed. When their mis- ] tresses caiue to collect them, they were | generally considerably thinner and full of life, keen to get away from the treatment. Whenl things at the dogs' home were quiet, lie would: stroll round the West End among the shops, j He invariably arrived back with one or two "toy" dogs that he had "found" to be held | for ransom. Capacious inside pockets made to hold a couple either side enabled him to j bring home the goods. The police finally compelled him to close down. —L.W. What awkward precedents nven set themselves. Take the case of the Hon. D. G. Sullivan. Christchurcli will tell you that Dan (nobody in the South HOARDINGS. calls him anything else) was a most excellent Mayor. He ruled the civic destinies of the Cathedral City for years and retired unbeaten when he was called to Cabinet. If there was one thing that Dan the Mayor of Christchurcli would agree with you about it was that ; .Vertising hoardings* were a blot on the landscape. He preferred things to be as Nature made 'em and visited Mayoral displeasure on the efforts of commercial art to giltf the lilies of the verdant south. Then Dan the Mavor became the Hon. D. G. Sullivan. Minister' of Railways. The New Zealand railways, possess lots and lots of hoardings. The stations of the older type are surrounded with them, they jump up at you at various* points along the ■nie, and, in short, are so übiquitous that thev , e reached the stage when yon notice them only subconsciously. Now an awkward beautifying association in the South his written to the Hon. D. G. Sulliv a „ asking hi" to erase these blots on the landscape. It is not given to us to know how a thin-, evil in Xro T S xf- \ M . a y° r - ,o °ks when viewed through Ministerial spectacles, but the dialogue, if the ghost of Dan the Mavor ever calls on Dan the Minister must I* verv interesting.—B.O'N. * IT'S A LONG WAY TO PAY DAY. Is^tHn h?'i R . T flnd , aboM * a vacation is getting back to work, when vou h»» Tmi «£»• «»»t not the ' WOTk t0 agafn Ba - v ' « «« "Pon the road Si T ~" 'n~ to an „„ ! W.?' "■*"*' °° d »* it la sr a',ra.vs |S ° *cef^ralion. Chri9tmaß I,rpßcnt * " nU **w. tear Ton spend the lot without the slightest hesitation here is my request to the powers that be* who I hope will not ignore it. A pay day arter Christmas, or a fatter one before —Sinbad.