THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 1, 2 January 1937, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) American divorcees get themselves into the news occasionally with strange reasons for severing the nuptial tie, bat it is left to New Zealand crown DIVORCE BY THE them all— that is, if a ACRE? story now being told ambngst the legal fraternity fe not apocryphal. It is said that recently a Maori dropped into an Auckland lawyer's office and mentioned casually that he wanted to divorce his wahine. "And what grounds have you?" asked the lawyer. "Oh, 'bout five t'ousand acres in te King Country, eh," replied his client.—l.M. It is not only the preachers of universal peace who find difficulty in trying to stop people from getting themselves killed. The Railway Department even THE SUICIDE threatens to prosecute INSTINCT. anyone who risks his life by crossing the metals, but the ballast between the rails at any suburban station shows well-worn tracks, while grass prows between the planks of the overhead bridge. The latest effort in Auckland to reduce the traffic casualty list is the hanging of a chain along a row of iron posts out i-de the ferry buildings, in an attempt to make pedestrians cross Quay Street only between the white lines. Vain hope. One soes the gallant old age pensioner lift the chain for hw wife to duck under it. and sportive youths leap joyfully over it. The sight may explain in part why, however bitter have been the experience of the previous generation in warfare, the next is always ready to rush off, at the first blast of trumpet and tuck of drum, to join the great adventure on some battlefield.—l.M. Dear MfV.T.—I did not hear the broadcast of King Edward VHI. where he pronounced route as "rowt," according to "Touchstone," but I heard something THE KING'S far worse in a broadcast ENGLISH, from 2YA, when we all listened to the historic Instrument of Abdication. I was amazed to hear this extraordinary introduction: "I, Edward the Eighth of Great Britain, Ireland, and the British Dominions beyond the seas, King-Emperor of India." The King is not King-Emperor of India, as we were told no less than four times, but Emperor of India, the whole significance of His Majesty's new relation to the Empire being destroyed by the failure of the announcer to recognise a comma after Eighth, and another comma after King, which completely alters the meaning of the present title. It was bad enough to hear it thus at 7 o'clock, which might have been excused on the grounds of hurried reading, but apparently it was nobody's business to correct the announcer, and it was repeated in the same deplorable way at 7.30, 8 and 8.30.— Listener.

The demonstration, not a very serious one, which took place at Ellerslie yesterday after the finish of the Great Northern Derby, when a section <♦ the crowd NO THIRD. disagreed with the judge's placings brings back memories of an incident which happened at a race meeting not quite so important as those held at Ellerslie. For some reason the official, who regularly occupied the box and picked out the first three horses, did not turn up and a member of the committee was asked to fill the position. He readily agreed, but to have just a little in his favour, he took into the box. with him an assistant. It was agreed, at the suggestion of the new judge, that he himself should select the first and second horses as they were kicked past the post, the assistant to concentrate solely upon picking out the third horse. There was a fair sued field in the first event and the finish particularly dose, several horses flashing past almost in line as the racing scribe has it. The judge quickly picked up the numbers of the first and second horses and then turned to his assistant: "What's third?" "There was no third, said the assistant. In amazement the judge looked at him. "No third, what do you meant There must be a third." "No, you've pinched him for second," the assistant came m« * * OW ??"L ? hat **y received a nice little fiver to which he was not entitled. That was the third money.—Johnny. "Touchstone" writes:— Strahan. the publisher once sent his brother-in-law fifty pounds, with the promise of fifty more if he A NICE CHOICE Hshtg £or W WORDS. epigrfm. «Wn7t, eV" «„♦«. «* e.* v Mid Garttck, the famous * ctor '„ "L str »nan a good judge of an epigram? To which Johnson replied: "Why, «ir he may not be a judge of an epigram, but vou see he is a judge of what is 'not' an epigram " In this way did these shrewd critics lay about .them. Those who have never read Boswell's ILife of Johnson" should take an early opportunity of making up for lost time, especiallv if they wish to cultivate a nicety in the use of words The Johnsonian group did not spare one another. Here is a delightful extract!— Garrick: There was a reverend gentleman, Mr. Hawkins, who wrote a tragedv the "Siege of something," which I refused! Johnson: Ay. he came to me and complained; and told me that Garrick said hi* play was wrong in the "concoction." Now, what is the concoction of a play? (Here Garrick started and twisted himself round, and seemed very sorely vexed; for Johnson told me the story was true.) Garrick: I—l—l said "first copcoction." Johnson (smiling): Well, he left out "first." And Rich, he said, refused him "in false English"; he could shew it under his hand. Garrick: He wrote to me in violent wrath for having refused his play:—''Sir, this is growing a very serious and terrible affair. I am resolved to publish my plav. I will appeal to The world, and how will your judgement appear?" I answered: "Sir, notwithstanding all the seriousness and all the terrours. I have no objection to your publishing your play: and as vou live at a great distance "(Devonshire. I believe) if you will send it to me I will convey it to the press." I never heard more of it. Ha! ha! ha! There are one or two instances of archaic spelling in this. Shew, for instance, is always spelt show nowadays, but many persons still write shew, taking their cue from the Authorised Version of the Bible. Judgement, with a central "e," is nowadays judgment. A LAMENT. The following few lines mfeht be called "The Bain's Lament":— I am something that people call "Rain." and to me It has crown very plain. That whether I full. Or whether I stall. There la someone that's sure to complain. Now a few weeks ago in the street. People moaned at the terrible heat. And longed for the rain That would ease the strain. And freshen their wearying feet. So I came, and these folks in the town. Hnve been wearing a close-fitting frown For the big Christmas trots Have been spoilt with my spots. That have constantly cascaded down. But a busy yonns farmer who stored All his hay for the winter, has scored i For his newly cut field Needed rain, to re-vleld. So he welcomed me well as I poured. S« It's plain that I cannot please all - Mich a task on my spirit would pall • So I'll just come and go. As I dkl long ago: Wheu I'm ready, I'll just simply fall. —Lily of Lagnna.