RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVII, Issue 205, 29 August 1936, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

(By " ZAMIEL.")

"Slip on Waterfront." Those dratted banana skins again, I suppose.

I note that the value of sodium lamps for street lighting has been affirmed. Worth their sa-lt, in fact.

A system of zoning for bobby calves is being introduced. Hitherto the system of boning sufficed.

Happily Mr. Jordan, High Commissioner in London, made an instant and favourable impression. He went to Parr at once.

Sunday funerals are to be locally abolished. Will patients intending linality please depart during the early days of the week?

The rumour that the Government is short of money can hardly be substantiated. It has one of the finest printing plants in the country.

If you agree (as you must) that "manhood is the key to New Zealand defence," would you mind just giving three hearty cheers for mother?

We are on the mr.p at last. Auckland is providing gasmasks for firemen for the coming air raids. All these preparations seem so like invitations.

Quite apart from the skilled and exhilarating snow sports on Ruapehu, numbers of contestants have spent many pleasant evenings pronouncing "ski."

When you read the reports of the familiarities in Spain you know that mankind is just one big family—only some members express themselves differently.

I learn with astonishment that several film stars lack money. lam the more astounded, as I have attended the talkies several times during the past year.

Tlic world (including Japan) is engaged in finding substitutes for wool. The negro population of U.S.A. is inquiring from hairdressers about this woolly substitute. 1

A friend writing from Home tells me there is a cheerier aspect in the Old Country. He recently attended a very large exhibition of funeral furnishings in the Midlands.

New Zealand is to have an official map of its own. Those aerial tracks worn thin by Parliamentary voices are not, it seems, to be specially delineated by the cartographers.

I learn that the obstruction of passageways at wrestling entertainments must "definitely" cease. No, Hector, not merely cease, but definitely cease — definitely, d'you hear me?

Telephonic television is already so expert that perspiration can be seen running down the faces of two persons engaged in distant conversation. This modern science is hot stuff.

A film actress, who is to be married in September, has stated that ex-hus-bands will not be invited. Gate crashin? by ex-husbands is already a nuisance at film nuptials.

A message from Wellington, "Military Service —Compulsory System Urged Nervousness of Nations." It seems rather cruel to put the wind up the Five Powers as Poneke is doing.

An American professor has been greatly impressed with the complexion of Australian girls. Hitherto I had been distinctly of opinion that our own o-irls used quite as expensive complexions as either Australians or Americans.

You will notice that in the news pictures of the Spanish insurrection that all the nice kind reformers have large revolvers and all the nasty wicked people have no firearms —and that the only arms they have are lield over their heads.

Tlie British nation will acquire a portion of the land on which the poet Milton's cottage stood for £1200. If a publisher liad offered the supreme poet half the price for "Paradise Lost in his.lifetime he might have died of he«r failure.

A learned professor has discovered a new ape in South Africa, a new ape more closely allied to ourselves than any other known. Some should b, captured before they indulge m the universal human pastime of cuttin„ throats to make the jungle safer for simian democracy.