THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVII, Issue 134, 8 June 1936, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) ECCLESIASTICAL. Dear M.A.T., —Apropos tlic win of the horse Prince of Orange. Sonie yeare ago ie was trained by Pope, ridden, by Monk and won the St. Patrick's Handicap at Paeioa (01 Rotorua). —H.C. You'd hardly think a practised hand like Mr. Baldwin, the Prime Minister of kngla , should feel a bit twittery in the presence people, but he acknowNERVOUS P.M. lodged that he did in his own drawing room at -No. 10, Downing Street, recently. He Jk chair at a women's gathering to gat Lei t»ncis for Newnham College (women s) and said it was only the second meeting of the kind je liacl ever presided at 111 his life. I • rather address an oul-of-hand House of Go.n----111 ons at 1 a.m.," he said to his audience. "I don't know what I shaH do it you get out of hand." My on me, mm mured Mrs. Baldwin. The audience must have been verv tractable, or Mr. Baldwin veiy charming, or Mrs. Baldwin very reliable, foi the meeting parted u.p with. £3010 for the cause.

The Toung lady emerges from her suburban home each morning at the same moment. She is debonair, not at all hard to look at fragrant as a rose. And FRAGRANT MORN, as she emerges to join . the cityward throng there leaps from his lair among the neighbouring dwellings an eager boy. His technique does not differ. He pursues her decorously, smiling and pleased, and when he has done so merely fades away until the next morning, when he again repeats this little act of worship. The repetition of this little act caused a neighbour to ask the b,oy, "What do you mn after Miss X. for every morning?" And the small boy replied simply, "She smells corker!

"Handsome men are slightly sunburnt" and are tlic very proper prey of lovely women. It was —so they say- —promulgated in society that a distinguished and MORE DOUBLES, extremely handsome man screen star was visiting the city. His name alone would attract that great bevy of beauties which flutters round a star even when he is only in a photograph —but when he is absolutely on the spot in the flesh, the flutter intensifies. It has been said that although no one seemed to know how the distinguished aristocrat suddenly appeared a thousand miles from his base, none of the flutterers argued the matter, but were content to worship at the shrine. The telephones of society have tinkled perpetually since the advent of "the star," and his presence has been so desired that sometimes he almost wishes his name was not identical with the personage he has been mistaken for. It becomes somewhat embarrassing to be handsome, sunburnt, distinguished-looking and to possess the identical name of a hero of the film. Shipmasters seem rather short with stowaways nowadays. Companies very likely feel that any exuberance of hospitality would increase the free touring STOWAWAYS, business. Still, one remembers a case in which a stowaway was not only treated with remarkable kindness, but was taken to his destination without any dispute whatever. He did not even have to peel potatoes 011 the way— the old method of paying a fare. He had obscured himself under a large tarpaulin in the hold of a river steamer on the Murray (Victoria). Lying snugly asleep, he was suddenly jumped on by a prodigious deck hand, who was coming aboard after leave ashore. He did not breathe for a measurable time, and when he recovered a very frightened sailor was begging him to say that he wasn't dead. When he recovered sufficiently to sit up the captain himself administered nourishment, led him gently to his own cabin, made him comfy, soothed his brow, and told him not to bother about anything. The young devil was so pleased with his treatment on the river boat that he made a practice of stowing away not only 011 river boats and sea boats, but 011 trains and wagons. One regrets to remark that he once stowed away in the bottom of a wool when a lumper accidentally rolled a bale 011 him an<l broke both his legs. He is now in Auckland —and likes it. Communicated by word of mouth and at the gallop that the gentleman in the story confers nice volumes on selected buyers either for cash down or instalHAT TRICK. ments—and that he is

good at the profession. He was at the moment selling a line of Bibles, ami worked a likely town. To one of its most excellent citizens he showed that it was copiously illustrated, annotated superbly, bound nicely and was only two guineas. The citizen seemed impressed, but said that if the canvasser would call on his —the citizen's —wife and she was favourable—lie would buy •a volume. The salesman called on the lady, intimating that her husband was impressed with the Book and would buy one. So the lady, apparently equally impressed, paid the two guineas and received the Book. The excellent salesman, returning to the citizen, mentioned how pleased the lady was with the Book, and was quite agreeable that he should have one. So the citizen had one and paid his two guineas. Later the salesman was on his way to the railway station to go to another town, and as he passed a shop he dodged in to buy a packet of cigarettes. He proffered his Book without success, and then suddenly remembered. "Oh, dear me," said lie, "I must have forgotten—Mr. X. promised to take a Book from me —I haven't time to go back. l)o you know Mr. Blank?" "Why, he's my brother-in-law—one of the very best." And so after a little confab the salesman (almost reluctantly) handed over a Book and received two guineas, on the understanding that tlve shopkeeper would be sure to give it to his brother-in-law and collect two guineas. The client has three Bibles and the salesman six guineas. A new horror may be added to war. Recently in war exercises at Shoreham women pilots were used in the air fights. Women liave shown such reinarkSIS/TERS able intrepidity, air sense IN ARMS, and mechanical knowledge that it may be impossible to avoid using them when the time comes for dropping bombs on uother women's babies. Women have, of course, been flyini civil, but there is no civil flying in war time, and if they fly at all they will'fly war. In the coining wars the obvious business of the ladies and gentlemen of the clouds will be to upset the town populations at the onset —make it imposfor the army in the field to keep up communication and to destroy the source of supply and the suppliers. Women flyers might easily be persuaded that to drop bombs "011 women munition workers and their children is necessary and noble and one foresees enthusiastic paragraphs which include such a one as the following: "The V.C. has been awarded to Airwoman' Grace Peace for courage and devotion to duty in the air bombardment of Trxyt. Her 'plane being shot down, Airwoman Peace while lying 011 the ground sorelv ! wounded, shot down with her magazine pistol ten armed enemy women munition workers who had flocked to the spot. She was given a public reception in the Town Hall of her native town—the lady Mayor presiding. The Arc I *-, bishop of Scantelbury was present. This V' the Miss Peace who is to marry the Piev. Xowarr, vicar of Concord."