THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVII, Issue 59, 10 March 1936, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

Requested to forward tlie account at once, : tlie head of a prominent city firm had the ; invoice neatly typed and placed on the_ desk of the office boy with a THE OFFICE BOY. note, "Please deliver this urgent." At the moment a draught wafted through the office, and to keep the note and invoice on the desk the 1 manager placed half a bottle of red ink thereon. The boy came in, read the note, and, picking up the half-bottle of ink, dashed with the speed of a telegraph messenger round to the customer. When lie returned to say that 1 the ink was not wanted, his employer, like the Cockney fishmonger when his barrow was capsized, couldn't find words to express his thoughts. 2\To place in the world has received so much publicity in recent years as has Hollywood. It lias been written up and down, in and out, criticised, lauded THE MARKETS, and condemned from all angles, but it is interesting. Its social life is distinct and apart from other towns, but it has many things in common. Ever been to the markets where Hollywood buys its food? These markets are run 011 a plan called the Pay'n Takit. The markets are open to the street, and there you can buy meat, groceries, vegetables, fruit, cigarettes and "likker." The shopkeepers seem to mix business with what they considei fun. The garage down the street, advertising its skill with punctures, exhibits a bill: "W( Fix Flatz. We Fixuin Good." A floodlighted poster of considerable acreage calls attcntior to somebody's "G'heez." A patent mousetrap is advertised thus: "Katchum. 10 Sents Sure Ketch." A hot-dog emporium is labelled "Kook Shoppe," and asks, "D'J'Eat?" The M.C.C. team has ended its tour oi Xew Zealand and will return home to tell the cricketers of England what a wonderful country we have and add that A FAST BOWLER, rain interfered with play in ten out of the eighteen matches played. Cr'eket has never go.'ie big with the public in the Dominion, and those whose job it is to stage the matches have many sleepless nights because the gate is never more than you could get in a couple of pockets. In fact it is mentioned that some years ago a Maori who was on a gate was noticed placing the takings in two pockets. An official watched him for a time and then approached. "What the idea of putting the money in two pockets?" asked the official, who was not known to the Maori. And Hori replied, "Well, te club got to get somethin.'" Take I a run out to Eden Park any Saturday after- | noon and you will couple of hundred people on the stands watching the club games. Xot a soul on the terraces. Bigger crowds attended years ago when Auckland was not nearly the city it now is. The matches were then played at the Domain cricket ground, and when an Australian or English team came over this way all Auckland would be there. There will be some who remember the Australian team which included a bowler named Jones. Jones sent the ball along so fast that he smashed the stumps into chips and there arose a great argument as to whether he threw the ball or bowled it according to rules. It didn.t get the world-wide publicity that Larwood's bodyline pitches earned, but It was something to talk and write about, and suitable topics were scarce those days.

Dear M.A.T., —Have you noticed how the Italy-Abyssinia war has drifted into the background of late, at least so rar as the amount of importance "MINOR" WARS, the average person appears to attach to it. "Oh," he will say, "I'd almost forgotten it. Each side seems to claim a victory in turn, and it looks like going on for ever." Or another will laughingly remark, "I don't believe they're fighting at all." This is a preamble to a war-time reminiscence which throws an interesting light on minor wars and would seem to show that a good deal goes on in these conflicts which is overshadowed by time, distance and the pressure of urgent national problems. It made a lasting impression on me and may interest your readers. In 1917, shortly before the capture of Bagdad, in the Mesopotamian campaign, a large number of Turkish regulars were taken prisoner near Azizie, and it fell to my lot to escort them to a camp on the lines of communication whence they would eventually be sent to a camp for prisoners of war. One of them, a senior non-commissioned officer, spoke a little French, and as I did ditto, we got into conversation. He told me he had T>een on active service for nine years, during which time he had only seen his family once. He was rio-ht through both the Balkan campaigns which preceded the big upheaval, and he mentioned, incidentally, that he was present at the taking of Kirk Kilisse, certainly the bloodiest hand-to-hand battle of modern times. Both sides— Turks and Bulgarians, wasn't it?—were short of ammunition, and the town was defended and captured by the bayonet, a series of desperate encounters going on from dawn till dusk. My Turkish friend, who was badly wounded there, mentioned, entirely without dramatic emphasis, that many of the streets were completely choked with dead and wounded. That's the kind of thing that goes on in some of these "minor" wars Often enough they're as hot as the big ones, and in places, hotter.—l4th Hussar. Dear M.A.T., —I read with interest the account in the "Star" of Barnu.n's famous mermaid hoax. The most original hoax of A THTRctv tllC cc " tn P' the most A J.HI.RSTY successful was the weII"PRINCE." known "Abyssinian visit" toio rr, ■ „ Perpetrated in England in iJJU. Ihe then Crown Prince of Abyssinia was on a visit to England, and lie was received everywhere with much distinction. He was at the time in London. It happened that the gigantic H.M.S. Dreadnought— the pride of the British Fleet—was in Portsmouth. One day \ ice-Admiral Sir W. May received from the Admiralty the following tefegram: "Prince of Abyssinia and staff will visit Dreadnought to-morrow.—(Signed) Hardinge." The admfral and the whole of the ship's personnel were charmed at the prospect of the visit. The dusky Ethiopians were received with musical honours and conducted round by the admiral and staff. The interpreter with the partv (a German with blonde hair) advised the admiral not to offer his guests anything save liquid refreshments. The Abyssinians were used to a grotesque menu not procurable at short .notice on a British warship. So they were given champagne, of which they partook lavishly, the Prince apparently being very thirsty. Indeed they accounted for the whole of the ships champagne. On departing the " j ' s P ea kmg through his interpreter, coni° me orar - v Abyssinian Order on the nwliV accompanied by a mysterious-looking medal, which the Prince pinned on the chief ~ nd f CI - breast - Musical honours and the fim.ll ++i - Cr . ew chee "»g. made a fitting to the Msit. Some few days after the papers announced that the Ethiopian Prince „ from where he had In \° W t eks visit ' Th « vice-admiral W,, * "he isc °vered the hoax, first, because of the loss of his dignity, but (so it was. rumoured) chiefly on account of the loss nf nr)m-! a w pag j 1 - e " ? h ° Perpetrators—;a coterie of admirably disguised naval officers on furml f W0 ? I severel y- punished. Xo doubt the , pa " , P art of their punishment was i lavin g to pay for the great quantity of champagne they had consumed.—H.M.