THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVI, Issue 250, 22 October 1935, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAW ABOUT TOWN.) Here is a tattered copy of the London "Times" (price Od) of November 7, 180b. it contains the first news of the Battle of J- I<iial " gar and the following GENERAL ORDER. Navy General Order: "The Almighty Ctocl, Whose arms is strength, having of His great mercy been pleased to crown the exertion o His Majesty's fleet with success in giving them a complete victory over their enemies on the 21st of this month; and that all P. ral ®® a thanksgiving may be offered up to the Throne of Grace for the great benefits of our country and to mankind: I have thought proper that a day should be appointed of general humiliation before God, and thanksgiving or His merciful goodness, imploring forgiveness of our sins, a continuation of His Divine mercy and His constant aid to us in the defence of our country's liberties and laws, without which the utmost efforts of man are as naught, and direct therefor that a day be appointed for this holy purpose. Given on board the Euialys off Cape Trafalgar, 22nd October, 1505." "The Times" in a footnote said that as the fleet had been dispersed by a gale of wind no day could be set apart for the purpose.

Mentioned that when hunger-striking Welsh miners at last came to the surface of the pit they were "haggard and worn." Anyone who has seen a person HAGGARD who lias been entombed AND WORN, will have noted that prolonged darkness and lack of food really does affect normal rotundity and the colour of ' the complexion. In one's experience the only person coming out of the ground bearing this haggard and worn appearance was a boy of nine. He, with a larger boy, had been wandering among the bills of Hill End (N.S.W.), all dotted with shafts and potholes. They had "played the wag" from school to go shooting goats. The small boy disappeared down a grass-covered hole ill the ground. The larger boy bolted home —and never said a word, for he was scared to. Inquiries were made, a search followed, and the little fellow was eventually pulled out of a sixty-foot hole after being in it for tliirty-three hours. He had that haggard and worn appearance—and the larger boy had a hammering.

A man is known by the company he keeps and as often as not by the company that keeps him. Present wordsmith, noting a portly person escaping up ShortRESPECTABILITY. land Street, rushed after

him, took up the step, and asked him if he might walk on the same pavement as himself to give him an air of respectability. And the portly person, who comes from the same place as Lord Rothschild, told the story of that lengthy multi-millionaire. About two hundred yards from the Bank of England the great Rothschild was thoughtfully walking towards the same. A shabby man who had formerly been a successful person waylaid the millionaire, told a tale —and asked alms. Rothschild dreamily said, "Just walk with me, my friend, up to the Bank corner." The shabby one walked. At the Bank the millionaire nodded in a friendly manner to the shabby one and with a cordial, "There you are—good-bye!" dismissed him. Meaningless, say you? Not at all. All sorts of acute men of biz had seen the great man talking and walking with the failure —and they talked to him, too. Thought he was on a good thing, cherished him, gave him credit, gave him anything—re-established him, set him up. And what did Rothschild do? Oh, nothing—just 'went on being Rothschild, giving other people an air of respectability as George did the scribe in Sliortland Street.

A commercial entity returning from tlie far Soutli with an order or two mentions that the service car business thereaway is comparable in efficiency with EXEMPTED. that of the North Island

. and that "Smoking Prohibited" as an internal decoration is seen as frequently. Ho observes that in frequent instances the Southern traveller obeys the official mandate and that you may travel for miles without sniffing the weed. He was travelling, however, from—we will say—Rorotorore to Mangawoto (thirty-five miles) in a service bus —and a very nice bus, says he, it was. Not too crowded, except for a large man who seemed very much at home. Of the eleven passengers he was the only one who smoked in the presence of a very large sign notifying him and others that this exercise was barred. And the Man from the North whispered to his elbow mate, "Who is the big chap smoking the pipe—it's against the rules, isn't it?" And the other said, "Sh-h-h! You can't stop him smoking—he's the managing director of the bus company." '.'Oh," said the northerner.

It has been suitably recorded of the Church Synod holden at Christchurch that the accidental or designed exchange of clerical headwear was plieiioPRECIOUS RELIC, ineiial, implying that clergymen are either absent-minded or merely frolicsome. It is feasible that a clerk in Holy Orders, wrapped in thought, retiring from the meeting, should make the mistake of selecting a clerical hat not his own—such a mistake is excusable. But—to the story. A Synod was held in Wellington and clerical hats in every stage of wear adorned the pegs—and very few lay headgear mitigated the sombre respectability of this display. The business being ended, the meeting rose, retrieved its headgear, and flocked down the stairs discussing meals. None was left behind except a reporter who had remained to put the finishing twiddles to his ecclesiastical masterpiece. This done he strolled into the lobby to find but one hat remaining —a large, wide-brimmed clerical potae exhibiting unmistakable signs of long use. As it was several eighths larger than the scribe's almost new lav hat, and of a greenish black, the scribe envisioned an unfortunate and absent-minded clergyman walking the earth with a lay hat much too small perched over his thoughtful brow. With the aid of a newspaper folded inside the clerical wideawake, the hat was made to fit a lesser brow. The hat remains extant. It hangs 011 a peg in the humble passage of ' the scribe's house —a relic of a respectable connection—and a warning to burglars. No burglar would remain unmoved in the presence of a hat like that.

You've noticed, of course, that a sudden odour, especially that of burning material, will cause the thoughts to instantly fly to

some remote incident, of SMEjLL OF which the smell reminds RUBBER, the smeller. You have

no doubt been transplanted in thought at the mere smell of burning grass and have .wandered in distant lands al the whiff of glory from a bed of spring flowers. You couldn't help being reminded of other places and other fires on smelling burning rubber locally in town on Monday. Here is a man who, on smelling the penetrating and not pleasant odour of frizzling rubber, thought instantly of a man with his hair scorched off. He was a man with a thrift complex, who used to smoke in bed. One day his mate detected the penetrating odour of burning rubber and rushed into the bedroom his mate inhabited, to find his head apparently burning. He seized a blanket, and enfolding the burning gentleman's head in it extinguished the flames. He discovered that the unfortunate gentleman had lain on the bed wearing a celluloid or rubber-faced collar. Instead of lighting his pipe, he had apparently lighted his collar—hence the warning smell. A call for tlie doctor, croton oil and all sorts of expense. The gentleman who caught alight no longer wears inflammable garments. j