RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVI, Issue 224, 21 September 1935, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

(By ZAMIEL.)

There have been.cane fires in Queensland. Rebellions in schools, I fear.

No, Horace, the plumber who recently won a large sum in a turf sweep did not forget to draw it.

Listeners-in in New Zealand number 105,000. They do not pay through the nose, but they listen to it.

Damage by eels is reported. Will bowlers please observe the rule for wearing Hat rubber shoes?.

A talkie star has just been separated from her "third mate." Is this her third husband, or just a member of the crew ?

"Italy has ten million fighting men ready. Abyssinia's population is five million, men women and children. How these Christians love one another!

It is proposed to- appoint a storytelleT to child patients in the hospital. All the adult storytellers to adult patients are self-appointed.

It is a depressing thought that if the All Blacks play a dozen matches they can only win twelve of them.

Extract from "Norths. Auckland Times":—"Tenders are invited for painting the Gospel Hell at Te Kopuru." Any comments?

Another injustice to New Zealand. A German traveller in Aussie has declared that Australia is the happiest country in the world. .

There have been so many dreary debates in Parliament, I fear that the man who referred to it as "them jokers" is hardly accurate.

It is complained that eager manufacturers. are using immature timber for butter boxes, but as it is uneconomical— they are putting their heads together.

Mr. R. A. Wright, the Parliamentary

Adonis, has been indulging in sciUhing criticisms in tho House. What the Americans would call a "R.A.W. deal."

A daily train in England does 190 miles in 91 minutes. Almost as nerve racking as dashing through space in the Helensville Flier.

The new war tanks in Germany are driven by men in black utjiforms. Tanks in this country don't care what colour of clothes they wear.

Wellington advt.: — "Firewood—Try our maire or matai firewood from the King Country, and return if dissatisfied." Sending home the ashes?

Recently stated that increase in population can be accurately forecast. All you have to do is to forget pa and ma and get a scrap of paper and a pencil and write like the dickens.

It is complained in Christian military circles that the Abyssiniaris are ferocious. The black devils have even been trying to buy white fellow rifles— the dirty dogs.

Eight hundred and forty thousand trout fry have been released in New Zealand streams. Private counters who have checked the ollicial figures are of the opinion that one is missing.

A scientist says that Mesozoic mammoths were once lords of creation. They were eighty feet long' and Uveiity tons in weight—just about the size the candidate for the Kauririmutawa seat feels himself to be.

I have just seen a photograph of an immense gathering of American police officials all in civilian clothes. They not only look thoroughly respectable, but not a single one has the handcuffs on his wrists.

Bandits bound and robbed a stage lady in U.SA. and got away with lots of her jewellery. The name of the press agency to which the bandits belonged and the name of the jeweller who valued the' jewels are not. disclosed.

A message enclosed in a bottle has travelled a thousand miles at sea. Remember the story of the shipwrecked Aberdonian who enclosed a message in a bottle and added, "If the finder takes this bottle to the Tartan and Trews Inn at Aberdeen he can get twopence for it."

The headmaster <>( Kugbv School says it's a queer world when tlie crooner can perpetrate a few quatrains'of noxious slush and bo accepted by a whole generation while the great creators of immortal verse sing in vain. Thanks, sir, thanks—pray,read my immortelle at the foot hereof. By the way, P. H. Beberley Lyon, head of Rugby School, talks of "slipshod English.'! I never heard of a man who talked with his feet yet.