RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXV, Issue 153, 30 June 1934, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

(By ZAMIEL.) We are sending 600 tons of old iron to Japan next month. Hard lines. No, Horace, you are misinformed. Bradman did not come to New Zealand to see Jean Batten. Jean Batten witnessed the opening of Parliament on Thursday. Other high flyers were also presents Let us not bo downhearted at the high price of eggs. Let us still be loyal to our own hens —and scorn the foreign yolk. German industrialists have found a substitute for wool. I sincerely trust this does not predict the fleecing of the public. Headlines: "Julius Caesar. Only Known Bust." And I always thought the great dictator was a teetotaller. I am surprised. Headline: "Fortified Maori Pa." Still, mind you, drinking among Maori pas is not encouraged, and among Maori mas it is illegal. Headlines: "Curling in Otago — Team from Victoria." Permanent waves, shingling, bingling and eyebrow plucking too, very likely. I read with interest that thieves broke into an unoccupied suburban house and that "nothing was stolen." That's the kind of thief to have. Dredges are constantly working in the harbour at the present time. Musicians may be seen daily adjusting their tuning forks on the waterfront. Taxi fare in Tokyo is sevenpence-half-penny for two miles. The rumour that fifteen Auckland taxi drivers are heading for the East is denied. Preparations are well in hand for the whitebait season. Admirals, generals, and American millionaires are preparing their implements and are booking passages. A centenarian declares that Australia should be handed over to the Japanese, "as they would at least put their backs into it." But have they got the forwards ? Dear little frisky tailed lambs are "making their appearance" in the Whangamarino country. Thus will our London friends not he deprived of their prime Canterbury. In reply to a correspondent who wishes to know whether tho Flunket Medal for oratory is silver or gold, I would remind him that "Speech is silver —silence is golden." "And when I got to the bottom of the hill," said the man with the baby car, "dash me, if the benzine didn't peter out." "Don't you carry a cigarette lighter?" asked his friend. There are no fewer than eight million unemploj-ed in the United States — only about as many as the total inhabitants of Australia and New Zealand. Pooh! The clouds are lifting. • It is suggested that a new name be found for Auckland Harbour Board. I agree that some of the old names that shippers and others have called harbour boards have been a bit over the odds. "I see by the papers," said the cricket-at-a-distance fan, "that Peebles, the Middlesex bowler, is ambidextrous." "Yes," said a fellow fan. "but carnt the doctors do nothing for him? 'Tain't catching, is it?" Water shortage is so acute in sonic parts of England that when a village inn recently caught fire, it was extinguished with beer. No one was burnt, but there were several minor casualties among the seasoned—and horrified — customers. It is complained that riders in equestrian events at New Zealand shows are often dressed in a slovenly manner. And when a Napier rider was asked if. he had ever seen the riders in the Row in London, he exclaimed, "Yes. Rotten!" —and smiled. There is a diversity of opinion as to whether good roads are a help or a hindrance to New Zealand. As one dear old octogenarian farmer says, "Wot do we want with 'ard roads—they only wears the horses' shoes out. Now, when I was a boy—"