THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXV, Issue 27, 1 February 1934, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

One surprised the man of affairs in his office. 'His .shoes were detached from his feet, and his feet were in the waste paper basket. He said he had been a few THE VACATION, weeks at the seaside, spearing flatfish, buzzing about barefoot, wearing only the clothes that came nearest to the bare idea. The reason why he had decanted his. shoes was that three weeks of Nature had enlarged his tootsies to i normal size, and shoes and pavements were abominations. "What an artificial life we lead'" he sighed, running a brown finger round 'a scarlet neck between skin and collar. How would you like to go barefooted and flatfisliing for the rest of your life?" one asked. Ob, hell!" said the returned vacationist. The death of the nonagenarian clergyman the Right Rev. Edward Stuart Talbot, formerly Bishop of Winchester (who, by the way, was not the_ Talbot WITHIN THE of Toe H), removes a man DIOCESE, who was vigorous enough late in life to play cricket and to see a joke. He was an enthusisatic •slogger even when he was a bishop. During one of the matches the prelate played in, the bowling" was so wide his I/ords-hip beseeched the bowler "to keep it in the parish. Next ball was a body-liner—smacked the bishop on the belt—the bowler retorting, "That was well within your diocese, my lord." When he was far into the eighties the old gentleman took a trip to South Africa to see his son, who was Bishop of Pretoria, and, incidentally, the instigator, with "Tubby" Clayton, of Toch H. The sea serpent in Loch Ness is lately reported as being merely a string of otters swimming in single file past local inhabitants, teetotal and otherwise. A MORE SERPENTS, tale is being told, too, of the South Australian correspondent who at five shillings a word sent a long yarn Home about a sea serpent at Port Adelaide. "The Times" and many other English newspapers declared for "no more sea serpents." But later on another story went Home: "Bishop Adelaide found Colwyn Bay dead." Next day the bishop's brother-in-law, a high official in London, spent many pounds cabling condolences to The bishop wasn't dead —he was alive and kicking prettv hard. The original message had read: "Bishop Adelaide Sound Colwyn Bay dead sea serpent fifty yards long." The London news agency had merely blue-penoilied the sea serpent bit. The official administering the law is bound in honour to obey it himself, and to plead for. punishment if guilty of a breach. Thus we have had in New Zea-POOH-BAH. land cases in which a magistrate has fined himself for riding an unlighted bike, and of a police inspector who has gladly demanded his own appearance before the Bench, charging himself with permitting his chimney to take fire. Apropos, when Lord Sankey was made Lord Chancellor of England he got official intimation that he could no longer sit as a judge of King's Bench, but must resign. He therefore wrote a letter to himself, resigning, and then wrote a reply to himself, thanking himself most warmly for the great and valuable services he had rendered to the State. He ended' the letter to himself with these words: "And I wish your Lordship many happy and useful years as Lord Chancellor." Interesting to learn from a Paliiatua lady aged ninety-eight that she feels that if she had been rich she would have been -worse than she is, the inference being LONG LIFE. that poverty, real or relative, is the proper state of life to indulge in if one wishes to live and be old. Many old people attribute their continued health and ancientness to having worked for nineteen hours a day for seventy years, or having done without beer and tobacco or on© of a thousand other prohibitions; but hardly ever to good old pa and ma and a long succession of pas and mas through the generations who have had a vital spark of large dimensions. The belief that hard work and poverty are the necessities for health and long life is not universal, a South American woman of one hundred and four lately attributing her longevity to not having done a day's" work in lier life. An aunt of Lord .Jellicoe went well over the century. It is unnecessary to remark that she did not owe her long life to hard work in the paddock, poverty°or lack of food. The Paliiatua lady fears for the modern girl because she goes about in scanty attire, but the modern girl (scientifically advised) has abandoned the stuffy ways of her foremothers, the majority of whom passed over at an average age of thirty-five years—only the specially hardened surviving to tell the youngsters they are dying of bare legs or pneumonia blouses. It is rather a pity the Chinese system of ancestor worship did not come West, for it is the ancient ancestor and nothing else to whom the centenarians owe their centuries.

You can't persuade the people of 2Jew Zealand that they are poor. The generous gesture of the local tramway authorities, who felt that even if an A FEW HA'PENCE. Aucklander hadn't twopence to ride up Queen Street he might possess a single "brown," induced the cut rate to relieve the pressure on the public purse. So little did the hardhit public appreciate this official philanthropy that no increase was shown in the numbers of! travellers, so back comes the twopenny fare. It is perhaps a sign that the people pine to reverse that old decision to "take care of the pence" and to regard mere coppers as trifles, as of yore. All the same, although the haughty tram traveller appears to like paying two'pence better than a penny, never within memory has there been such a flush of halfpennies, and nobody 6eems to throw this humble coin away. Time was when farthings were a feature of Empire shopping, and, indeed, many great firms attribute their rise to affluence to the great range of window tickets, -which informed the gratified public that shilling socks were now reduced to "eleven three," and two-shilling articles available for one eleven three. This commercial gesiure did not bring back a flood of actual farthings, the tradespeople handing out as change a packet of pins or some equally valuable —but not negotiable—commodity. Some people prize farthings and half-farthings nowadays as rarities, but more than half the people of the world still regard coins of equal or even less face value as wealth. In many parts of China the coolie out for a day's shopping is able to bny six eggs for a farthing. In Glasgow the corporation has a halfpenny tram fare. THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. As we observe more accurately, we perceive more clearly, think more truly, remember more correctly, imagine more effectively, and judge more soundly.—(Mauds ley. There is nothing so terrible as activity without insight.—Goethe. All who have meant good work with their whole hearts, have done good work, although they may die before they, have the time to sign it, —E, L. Stevenson.