THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIII, Issue 260, 2 November 1932, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

Dear M.A.T.,—Old residents of Kendal, Westmorland, will remember E, B. Thompson, a lawyer well known in that township. Also Mr. Kendal, who had a GREEK MEETS butcher's stall in the open GREEK, market, from which a dog belonging to the lawyer lifted a leg of mutton, unknown to its owner. The butcher put this question to the lawyer, "Mr. Thompson, if my dog stole anything, would Ibo liable?" "Most certainly," was the reply. "Then you owe me five shillings, for Your'dof stole a leg of mutton off my stall. The lawyer perforce had to pay according to his own judgment, but imagine the butchers surprise when he received an account for seven and six for legal advice.—Jem.

Doctors see all sorts and conditions of men with all sorts and conditions of Complaints. There is the story of the young man e who was suffering with THE TIP. physical depression —that faint, all gone feeling, specks before- the eyes, and all that sort of thine. Went to the doctor—a frank one at that? "You ought to cut out the cocktail parties and the cocktails, too, or youU be coming out all over in spots—ha, ha! Go hiking, old man, instead of fondling the cup, said the doctor. The young fellow left, feeling that perhaps the doctors didn't know everything, particularly about spots. Next week be went back, and the spots were in full bloom. "You picked it, doctor!" he said, exhibiting an inflamed countenance. You re a marvel. Do you know anything good for the Melbourne Cup? - '

A scribe at Mercury Bay writes to call attention to the humour of the fishermen owners of yachts in that vicinity. One had named his vessel Samson, THE FISHERS, after the tall, hairy gentle-

man who, if you remember, slew his victims with the jawbone of an ass and was himself counted out by a lady of the name of Delilah. He modernised ••Samson" by renaming it "Phar Lap," in which you see the universal New Zealand influence. This influence, too, is shown in another local launch Desert Gold. There is definite Briticity in Lion, Renown, Dauntless and Bulldog, all smacking of sons of the sea,, and a wealth of meaning (and fisherman's hope) in Catchalot, a neat variation of cachelot. Reminds one ol the local man who had for many years toiled at the oars for his pleasure, .but who at last built himself a launch. He called her Ronomore, a euphonious and expressive title.

A note in a Sydney paper mentioning that three small boys were having an amusing time with rifles, with which they potted at a horse and peppered a man who NICE BOYS. was picking fruit, reminds one that there was every necessity for an Arms Act both in the Commonwealth and this Dominion. For some generations the Australian boy seemed to find a rifle as necessary to his enjoyment as lollies. There was the case of the Hill End boy whose father corrected him. He had been used to shoothi"- kangaroos and he varied this amusement by adding his father to the bag as he strolled up his own garden path. There was the case of the bunch of 'boys all armed with rifles who took a packhorse to the garden of a Chinese outside the township. While some of the boys fired volleys through the hut of the gardener (who took refuge in the chimney) the other loaded the horse with vegetables and got away. They explained that "it was only for a lark." There wus the further case of the two cheerful lads who "went bushranging" on a school holiday. They crossed the River Murray, and, finding an old fisherman asleep in his hut, shot him as part of the day's sport. In the last case a local clergyman" testified that they were "very nice boys" from "most respectable families." You never know what .primitive instincts will arise in the nice little lad with the rifle dear papa gave him for a birthday present.

Sir Henry Dickens, the veteran judge who was Common Serjeant of London and has just retired, celebrated his freedom by breaking into print deploring FREE TO ALL. the immense interest in crime and the immense number of expert young criminals, proving perhaps that crooked human nature does not change how ever much man is punished. Almost the same thing was observed by Sir Henry's illustrious father, who, however, never became old and therefore not so pessimistic. Charles Dickens in the 'fifties or even earlier mentioned the presence in courts of law of habitues who persisted in their attendance, although not one of them was ever known to have any personal interest in any cause heard by judge or magistrate. He particularly called attention to the odour of massed humanity which leaned over the rail separating the audience from the principles and the streams of condensed beer and spirits that slowly trickled down the walls. Sir Henry, his father, and the disconsolate and unhygienic public of old London courts, were recalled yesterday in an Auckland court, where a rather more hygienic public leaned over the rail and drank in every word that was uttered, avid for crime stories and patient even unto suffering to miss no point. It is curious that session after session the same hopelessly dreary .people will turn up, and, if strive for the place they held at a previous session. It was remarked by a man who had suffered many years of criminal atmosphere—merely as a part of the great machine—that crime so interested humanity that the proceedings of courts might be broadcast to the populace. He predicted an immense public more eager to "get on the. air" for what he called "a juicy case" than a prize fight, a wrestling match or even an election speech by a statesman who "has no hesitation in saying."

Coincident with Dr. Voronoff's cabled threat that he might make men live to be one hundred and forty years old came the word from Archbishop LET ITS LINGER. Julius (that veteran youth) that he was only joking when he recommended a lethal chamber for the aged. An old gentleman very likely as humorous as the celebrated divine wrote to him hoping he would go no further with the recommendation, fearing the Government might provide the lethal chamber and insist on its use. Even in its wildest orgy of saving no Government would attack its-own favoured veterans in this ruthless fashion. From time to time aged men who didn't mean it for a moment have pointed out that humanity very kindly extends the benefit of death to decrepit beasts, but is so harshly .kind to its own that it keeps them lingering as long as there is a dose in the bottle. Indeed, one old gentleman querulously complained to MA.T. that nobody would release him from old age. Not the least doubt that he was being funny, and had already made arrangements to spend his next winter mountaineering. How little the old really do pine for the dark and silent was shown recently when a local nonagenarian was found carrying sheets of iron about his factory. It has already been mentioned herein that there are dark, hairy races who unwillingly render it impossible for the very aged to survive, the younger ones being the executioners on the ground that the poor old people can no longer hunt their own tucker and cannot be left behind to starve. There was ■the case reported in our own Press the other clay of an octogenarian being thrown off his horse while mustering in steep country. Do you think he was pining for a lethal chamber ? While there's life there's hope. _ ;