THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIII, Issue 133, 7 June 1932, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) Dear M.A.T..—Has it ever struck you that as taxation increases, both in total and incidence it is quite a simple matter to end up the year with an increased THRIFT. bank balance and at the same time give an illadvised Government "one in the eye,"' as it were, by decreasing the indirect revenue they derive from you by an amount in excess of any direct taxation you may pay? It may not be good for trade,'but there you are: Lnst month I sold my motor ear, To walk is hotter, cheaper far, ] now will lease my line garage And budget for a cheap menage. .Mγ chauffeur other work must seek. My cook and gardener leave next week; j 'bar all races, cinemas, All cabarets and clubs and bars ; For liquor now I never taste. Tobacco is a shocking waste. I'm wearing out old shoes and clothes. And for my daughters—getting beaux. When they are married you will see Sonic really shrewd economy ; For other steps I then will take. And more? and larger savings make. But the joke of it is i never now J.iiss My tobacco or car. Or the club or the bar; I save lots of money, And is it not funny V 1 am able to live; For the money I sive In taxation excess Is very much less Than Ihe savings I make. My point—you will take.

I Dear M.A.T., —I think you would appr< ciate my five-year-old. son's idea of the diffci i enee between an "ordinary man" and a, "gentle man." Like most littl TEN TOES. boys he has a decide objection to soap an water. The other evening I requested hit to wash his feet for bed time. "But I don' want to wash my feet," he protested. "N gentleman would go to bed with dirty feet. I replied. "But I'm not a gentleman—l'm onl, an orncrary man!" was the response. Need less to say, in spite ofi his preference for bein an "orncrary man." lie had to retire with th clean feet of a gentleman. —Quicksilver. Every schoolboy knows that Tennyso: foretold the coming of' the aeroplane and tin navies "grappling in the blue." A correspond ent has been searching hi THE PROPHETS. Shakespeare to prove tha that marvellous man ha< an uncanny premonition that wireless nius' come. 'Ho 'finds, and so may you, reference t< it in "King Ilenry IV.": "And those musician; that shall play to you bang in the air r thousand leagues from hence." It has beei said that Shakespeare would have been sur prised to hear with absolute clearness a distani performance of "A Midsummer Night's Dream.' One, however, hardly imagines him trying tc write the same with a loud-speaker bravinj jazz through Yankee noses two doors fron Ann Hatha way's cottage at Stratford-on-Avon It is infinitely touching to observe the faith the sportsman or sportswoman has ii: suggestion. Ever since racing began people have backed the dreams THE SPORTS, of their aunt's eldest sister and have been guided in their selection of winners (and others) bj every kind of bizarre notion. There is the recent case of the lady in the new hat. It was one of those with a tricorno effect. The lady tried it 011 in the presence of a young relative. "Jt looks just like an arrow," said the young person. The lady rushed to the newspaper murmuring, "Arrow, arrow, arrow."' And so the lady and all her friends, guided by (his youthful* suggestion, backed King's Arrow. Then there was the recent case of tha sermon. The distinguished clergyman took for the subject of' his discourse, "Stand fast in the faith," and throughout the sermon reiterated the advice. One who heard the sermon wandered thoughtfully out, murmuring, "Standfast." Later he wandered out to the races and backed "Standfast." A molar lie had had for years nagged like a politician explaining why he had to go to Ottawa. 'So the owner of the caried tooth. taking .his courage in both DOUBLE TOOTH, hands, visited his dentist, coming from a distant suburb to the city for the purpose. lisconced in the comfy clialr with the mechanical inclination that takes all the power out of the patient's spinal processes, the dentist decided that the molar must com© out. So he took his little needle and injected the local anaesthetic a million people know so well. Having done so, the dentist eaid: "Spit it out!" and went from the room ostensibly to obtain the necessary instrument to remove the tooth. The patient rose fro,lll his comfortable chair, retrieved his hat from the anteroom (where the magazines are), paid the lady in spotless garments who .hovered around, bounded on a ■tram, and went home to his far-distant suburb. Poking the tip of an exploratory tongue round his mouth, which seemed to his excited imagination larger than usual, he discovered that that old molar still clung to its roots. "Dash it all!" said he. "He never took it out." Somewhat peeved, he returned to the street, took a tram, and came back to- the city and the dentist. The dentist received him with a smile. "Whatever .made you bolt before the tooth was out?" asked lie. "I left the room for a minute and when I came back you had gone." "Oh," said the patient. "I thought you told me to clear out, and I cleared." So at the second asking Mr. Forceps completed the postponed operation. It is learned from the cablegram relative to the Trooping of the Colours by the Brigade of Guards 011 tlie King's Birthday that the charger ridden by the THE ROYAL Duke of Gloucester played HORSE, up, kicked and plunged. The horse had to be ridden outside the crowds for twenty minutes, -but whether H.R.IT. rode him (her or it) i,s not stated. What is remarkable, however, is that a London-trained troophorse should so far forget himself, herself or itself, as to go bac-k I on training. Before a horse is considered fit j to go 'I rooping a Colour, to carry a millionaire in .Hotten How, to carry a Royal personage, or j to become the mount of a mounted policeman, his education is so thorough that few M.A.'s could stand the racket. His breeding is carefully considered. Were his parents 'kind and biddable with gentle mouths and no white in the eye? Could a son or daughter of such parents be depended 011 to stand, a crowd jammed against its tail, without lifting a foot or flattening an ear? A horse, destined for high places usually spends its off moments in a lield close alongside a railway where the trains pass three every five minutes. Hough riders ride liim gently. Crowds of stablemen find others, simulating a cheering mass of citizens on Royal occasions, hoot, yell, wave handkerchiefs, umbrellas and overcoats. Ropes ire passed over the charger from nose to tail, lie is enveloped in tangled bridles, has guns lired under his nose, either individually or in rollevs. must be trained to stand like a statue while he is mounted from the near side or the . and must not blench even when a band 'ntirely composed of" saxophones played bv uien with bearskins three feet high blares out i. Sousa march. In fact that charger of the Duke of Gloucester had not passed the sixth standard. Some horsemaster will have ,\iis umckles rapped. 4. THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. Freedom from worry is an attitude :owards lifc^ —a matter of realising that this iffair of being alive is only part of a great Mystery that is beyond and behind life.— Reginald Berkeley.