THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXII, Issue 260, 3 November 1931, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

TO THE NEW ZEALAND CRICKETERS. They have come back again, Back from the land, of rain, But they've not soaked in vain ; They've stood the test. Stormed at by rain and sleet. Somehow they kept their feet, 1 And turned out a scoring sheet Good as the best. Theirs not to reason why v 'Under an English sky. Theirs but to do or die In between showers. Hard-fought their wickets, fell, Boldly they did and well, And all those who saw them tell Well of their powers. —A.il. As you will 'be shortly counting your Melbourne Cup winnings, it seems appropriate to mention that The Assyrian won the classic race in 1882 and that a IN 1882. poet burst into parody. Here is the first verse: The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold. On the Flemington course 'mi(J the rain and tne 1 cold, And the thud of his, hoofs on the turf brought much glee \' 1 , .■■ . To the books, for his price was one hundred to three. The two old friends have retired from business. One has a boat. Very pleasant way ■to spend the bright autumn of one's days fishing, or pottering round THE ANCHOR, the hundred and one sweet little coves vhereabouts. There was 110 anchor for the boat, so the man who shares the joys of the boat deter- | mined to purchase an anchor and line. "He took his fishing gear, the new anchor with the new rope attached, and pulled out into the channel. The rest of the story is 'beet told as a domestic incident: "Well, dad, how many fish did you catch?" "I didn't catch any fish," he replied, gloomily pacing the room with his hands in liis pockets. "Couldn't have been a very good day for fishing, dad!" it wasn't a very good day for fishing," he replied. "How did you get 011 with the new anchor, dad?" "I didn't get 011 very well with the new anchor," replied dad rather solemnly. The family, noting that father was not in a mood for copious conversation, desisted, and the matter dropped for several days. Then father, having gone to town, returned home with another perfectly new anchor and rope. It was then necessary to explain that lie had dropped number one anchor and rope over the gunwale without making the end fast to the boat. Number two rope is fast to the boat at the present moment.

Gentlemen of local importance, including their chief, Mr. W. J. Holds worth, on suitable occasions turn out in Scout uniform as leaders in this terrain of the FULL FIG. great organisation invented and sustained by Lord Baden-Powell. The local chief in his humorous way has mentioned that -if a wellknown business man is seen at large in the rig. made fainous by 8.-P. the person, who doesn't wear shorts, etc., becomes facetious as to the "second childhood" of the wearer. He pathetically mentioned with the usual twinkle that when a bishop in apron and gaiters takes his walks abroad no one smiles or makes any comment. A Highlander, hare-legged, kilted, plaided, dirked and sporraned, might walk from tho Town Hall to the docks without receiving derisive comments from the many-headed. And, as a matter of fact, plus-fours don't care who wear 'em and nobody shies at 'cm. It might be further remarked that elderly gentlemen in vari-coloured blazers, with jangling, medals won on many a bowling green and carrying four woods in a string kit, may walk from Onehunga to Little Queen Street without causing a riot. As a matter of fact, , the people who cackle at the sight of a middleaged man in Boy Scout gear are merely envious. Every man in his heart .would love to wear shorts, despite the Scriptural dictum "neither delighteth he in any man's legs'."

Of course you know the, Brunswick Buildings? There used to- be a. theatre there in the 'eighties. These were the days when the ocean

was nearer the Town Hall KIT OF PEACHES, than it is to-day and the

days the Orakei Maoris used to haunt the waterfront and sell absolutely corker peaches, for sixpence a bigkit. The man who tells the story was a iboy then, and, of- course, he and his young mates liked peach time on the beach. One day the boys noted that a man 'bought a kitful of peaches and sat eating them. As the boys watched; the man said: "Nice peaches, aren't they?" and as he said so drew a glittering sovereign from the one he had bitten, wiped it carefully, and put it in his waistcoat pocket. He continued this alluring pursuit until apparently he had a pocketful of sovereigns. The boys, much interested, spread the glad tidings,' and among the recipients was a wa.hine who had sold the peaches to the gentleman of the sovereigns. The wahine rushed to her Maori friends screaming all the way and commanding that they should sell no more peaches. Thereafter the Maoris sat down with the whole available supply of fruit, and carefully cut them all into pieces in search for sovereigns. Needless to say, there was only one sovereign in use that day, and the conjurer from the Brunswick Theatre had it. He had merely been using his powers of sleight of hand as a slight advertisement for the show to be held that night.

"W.P." is the Auckland gentleman with the white-handled umbrella. It is the only umbrella he has ever had. He has had it for f° r ty years and be has BISMARCK. shown it to M.A.T. One

v day he asked a friend if he had ever played cards with a pig, and the fi iend simply said: "Many," but the man with the white umbrella hastened to assure him that he actually played euchre with a veritable pig which might in the cours? of Nature become pork, crackling, bacon and chitteHings. In the year ISB2 (or it may nave been I8S3) the man with the white-handled umbrella was a lad in Christehurch. At that time some showmen named Joubert and Twoppnny presented animal freaks for the admiration of the public. Among them was the large white pig Bismarck. M. Joubert (or it may have been Mr. Twopeony), shuffling a pack of extremely large cards, asked any gentleman if he would like a game of euchre with the learned pi~ Bismarck. "W.P." offered his service.*, and the game took place, the pig sitting with his trainer, who perhaps psychologically instructed I the porcine gambler in the game' as it proceeded. The pig actually played the cards with its dexterous trotter, and as a matter of history succeeded in beating the man who was to become the, possessor of the white umbrella j aforesaid. One day the cry of "Eire!"' ran" through the cloisterer! stillness of the infant city and together with the rest of the population, raced towards it. As he raced' the not unpleasant odour of roast pig him and he arrived at the burning building to ■be told -that his card-playing rival BLsmarek the fair, white pig, had perished in the con-' flagration. THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. He that refuseth instruction rlespi-seth his own, soul; but he that heareth reproof "etteth understanding. , ° The fear of the Lord in the instruction of wisdom: and before honour is humility. —Proverbs.

Originality consists in thinking for ourselves, not in thinking differentlv from other people.—Anon. ' ■