THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXII, Issue 53, 4 March 1931, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) WINTER SPORT. This jumping off mountains on ski, I feel, is most thrilling to si. I'm always so glad It is some other lad Who's doing it rather than mi. ON WITH THE DANCE. When a mob of alarmed depositors besieged the paying teller's window, Chicago bankers sent a hurry call for a jazz band, and a good time was had by all. When times are hard and business is depressed. Music hath charms to soothe the savage brea.st Of one who sees his savings going west. The soul that hears the soft seductive saxes, His cares abate, his tensity relaxes, He soon forgets the imminence of taxes. Do muttering mobs pronounce impending doom. A rhythmic trombone in the trustees' room Will magically mitigate the gloom. When panic rumours agitate the mind, A jazz band lends a mediation kind. On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined!

We M.A.T.'s are men of our word, damme, and we have not forgotten our promise to give the public something that shall truly recall the days of "statesmanPOMPOSO like utterances"; days GRANDIOSO. when the statesman took words to say what could be said in two. Here we go: At times such as the present, when there is a regrettable tendency to underestimate the intrinsic value of that which appertains to dignified, well-conceived and statesmanlike utterances, it is incumbent upon M.A.T. to explore every avenue that may lead to greater eloquence; in other words, to rationalise, co-ordinate and co-relate such tenets and preconceived ideas as can be construed -as being of lasting and indubitable value to the proletariat. It is with this borne steadily in mind that M.A.T. approaches the problem; with a complete and all-embracing grasp of essential facts, in order that the full magnitude of previous utterances shall not be permitted to lapse into the limbo of forgotten things; and also that, with due regard and care for the exigencies of modern existence, and the inexorable demands of modern progress, all shall be well. In other words, this apparently futile and unnecessary effusion may be interpreted as a gesture of impracticable meandering in the flowery meads of airy and aimless persiflage. And that will be just about enough of that.

A former Napier resident, now living in Auckland, had a very strenuous time during the big 'quake. Telling M.A.T. some of his experiences, he recalled LEG BEFORE! a certain avalanche of

bricks that literally carried him along for a distance of over 20 yards. He was one of the lucky ones, being on top of the slide, and not below. One poor fellow was killed, and another man was firmly pinned in the ruins by a girder that lay across his left leg. The rescue party worked like heroes, but they could not shift the girder. The man who was being held down showed amazing fortitude. "Take the damn leg off!" he ordered. "Not on your life," said the rescuers, "we'll get you out all right." By almost superhuman efforts they raised the girder sufficiently to get the leg out. It was a false one, the real member having been lost at Messinee, nearly 14 years ago! M.A.T. was reminded of the story of the man with a cork leg who used to keep up his sock by means of a drawing pin. At a certain reunion of old comrades, when there was revelry by night, the comrades were startled by a yell/ of agony. The hero had been twiddling with his drawing pin and had absent-mindedly stuck it back into the wron o, leg.

Miss Felicity Tree runs a column headed "Can I Help You?" in a well-known London weekly newspaper. Here are two typical questions and answers. They HELPFUL are first and second in - HINTS, the latest issue of the paper to reach New Zealand, and have not been specially selected:— TEA PROCEDURE. Is it correct to put milk and sugar into the cup before pouring out the tea, and what is the procedure with coffee? Does the cream go in first?— Tea Fancier. It is a question of choice rather than of what is correct. I put sugar in first, to be melted by the hot tea, and milk last, so that I can see how much to use, but true tea-lovers say I am wrong. Coffee is nicest black, but some people like cream floating about. PACE PATTING. I have deep nose-to-mouth lines. Am I wasting time by using a face patter and roller? Also, can I wear gold shoes and necklace with a black velvet evening frock?— Thirty-six. Why don't you have one treatment at a reliable "beauty salon?" You can then ask their advice on how to obtain good results from your face patter. I should much prefer you to wear black shoes with your black velvet frock, especially if you have a coloured evening coat. Three colours give such a haphazard effect. Pearls or crystal look best on velvet, but the gold necklace would be all right. M.A.T. is not going to stand this sort of thing. He proposes to run something that shall be of real use to mankind, as well as womankind. Something on these lines:— USE OP THE BOWYANG. Dear M.A.T.—For y£trs my friends have told me that I hitch my corduroy trousers too high above the boot. Can this be so? As a bowyang lover, I have always tied the knot correctly, and I am sure I have never been accused of immodesty.—Waterside Willie. Dear Willie. —Do not be discouraged. You are evidently a brave pioneer of fashion without knowing it. Nothing can be more distasteful than a frayed trouser-leg. You should take my first course in bowyang-tying.—M.A.T. British journalists, whose aim is conciseness, particularly as regards headlines, often sigh with envy of their trans-Atlantic cousins, whose captions THOSE are allowed to run into HEADLINES. three and even four lines. It's very hard to have to concentrate when other people are permitted such gems as: "Choking child, in awful death grip, murmurs 'Mama!'" or "Alfonso, defying revolutionary forces, holds Spain in restless subjection." There's an old slogan for young journalists: "Get the essence of your news into the first paragraph." Apparently down Chicago way they aim to get it into the first headline, and very nearly succeed. One of the brightest of San Francisco's headline efforts (arrived by the latest mail), is: "Mother of four swims two days to feed brood." No, this does not refer to a farm wife in the flooded area of Queensland wlio was anxious to. give sustenance to prize chickens. It is the headline of a short paragraph about Mrs. Rehua, the Maori woman who entered in the endurance swimming contest at Sydney alongside Miss Mercedes Gleitze. Apparently the good lady needed money for the support of her family.

The gambling instinct appears to be ineradicable. Probably our prehistoric ancestors had their quiet little games of baccarat, with sharks teeth as PICKING THE counters; or a snappy WINNER. little roulette game on a table made from the centre plate of a plesiosaurus, whatever that may have been. This is a perfectly true story. In business establishment a "happy event" was expected to take place in the household of a certain employee. The other wage slaves organised a sweepstake; boy, girl, twins, and, yes, even triplets, were included in the "chances." There was one winner, and, fortunately, no surprise.