THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXII, Issue 3, 5 January 1931, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) . * THE GROUCH. • The cause of the depression is psychological poverty —a general tightening of the purse strings- and reluctance to spend moneyCanadian bank authority. My heart is breaking—sorrow, cleft, I've only half a million left; Whatever will befall? I pine in abject poverty, But, you will readily agree, , It's psychological. ■ • ' I wished to lift a thousand quid * - Reposing 'neatli the banker's lid; I asked, as is ray wont, : . - "What do you think, sir, is the best Stock my poor thousand to invest? The banker muttered, "Don't!" I had a bunch of golden gonce Locked in a safe just for the nonce, Not reaping interest there; I asked 'my broker, "Say, old cock. Shall I buy Golden Googee stock?" He croaked, "Oh, pray beware!" I had some sparkling spondulix, , I thought I saw it turned to ricks,. -Ploughed paddocks, cattle, food; , Beware ! Look out! Take heed ! Take care ! There's" danger lurking,everywhere, And nothing's any good. So I am poor as poor can be (Considered psychologically)", Poor, penniless, forlorn I cannot bear it any more. , Oh, life is such a tragic bore, Would Twere never born !

While you indulged yourself in holiflav cheer and enjoyed life to its full, did you for a moment think-of the young hearts ' that were breaking? Here TO THE RESCUE, is the cry of a breaking heart from the f>'rm noteof "Haukura Rotorua," magazine of the Eotorua High School. "Form ,VA is a ship etorm tossed, on a raging sea. In February we noticed a dark, ominous cloud looming oti the horizon. . . . The dark cloud grew larger and'larger, haunted and hunted us, making our lives a black ,horror. Now' it has overtaken us, crashed above us, roused the sea to fury about ue, almost sinking the gallant ship. . . The sea of work leaps and bounds, crashing around us, seeking with, greedily-clutching hands to draw us down into the ugly depths. Great rolling billows of French, Latin, Sciencej Maths, and English bear threatening;/, down, sending up clouds of mocking spray."

The lady .friends _ .wefe proceeding, to Ellerslie. The elder of the twain is a determined optimist. She ; produced' her race card, ... - and, with glowing eyes LUCK. and the stub of a pencil,

. busied herself in underlining the intended victors. There was victory in her whole expression.. She had already allotted her problematical winnings to various good works; she had the will to win. Suddenly she paled,, shuddered, and''put her hands over her eyes. "Whatever is the matter?" asked her companion. "Are-you ill? . Shall-we stop at the chemists?" "Oh, my godfather!" wailed the lady, still keeping her race hook before her eyes. "Whatever-is it; my dear?" continued her startled friend, "I've just seen a cross-eyed woman!" exclaimed the desolated optimist. "We'd better, not. go to. the races then?" said her sympathetic friend. But they went! Later, it is. explained; the lady saw a black cat, and the cross-eyed h<k)doo was lifted. So were, the dividends!

A singular apathy distinguished citizens en route, to New Year toil on the first working day of 1931. The citizen, drinking Nature ■for a few dear days, must BACK TO TOIL, conclude as he again takes up the tools of trade that strive he never so toilsomely the untutored savage has all the best of it, gets sunburnt all the time, and has ,110 almanac or big black boss beckoning him to resume work. People who do not cease toil at the gladsome holiday time appear less tired than those who rest. Foi* instance, a man who stayed at home mentions that he has been zoologist for the street, for people who commune by the glad sea waves leave their livestock at home and the milk jug of the stay-at-home: is open to all cats. The immovable citizen has done his morning perambulation. among neighbours' ducks, fowls and dogs, has been a central clearing office for, neighbours' mails and the recipient of uncounted telephone calls. He therefore lacks that appearance of apathy which distinguishes his sunburnt neighbour. People there are who, however, have stayed at home toiling ardently. One met, for instance, a lawyer with corns on his wellmanicured hands and a scythe handle well grasped. He wondered if Old Father Time was atlawyer and how the representation of the old chap with a blade had begun. He facetiously observed that-within short days clients would be enabled again to consult the legal holiday makers, but added that those who were disappointed with the closure of legal establishments had the satisfaction of a prolonged period in.which to peruse their mortgages. Bending low, with one sweep of his keen blade, he decapitated another cli—another daisy.

§ Cabled that the crew of the British ship Timberman arrived in Blyth Harbour and that while the crew slept on Christmas Eve the ship was ransacked. CRIME AT SEA. The cableman declared it r . was like the plot of one of W. W. Jacobs' stories. Perhaps you don't know the particular Jacobs' story which bears a skeleton resemblance to the ransacking of the Timberman. An old sailor lay dying. Old miser he was. The comic crew understood he had saved six hundred pounds and carried it on his body. Much sympathy, therefore, with the dying man. Six hundred pounds would mean a non-teetotal existence by the crew for some time. .Ship's boy attended the dying man as nurse. Boy tells crew that the dying man insisted that money should be buried with him. Man buried in due form. Boy subsequently informs one of the most persistent longers for this wealth that he was about to heave it overboard in. consonance with the testator's spoken will when he was disturbed, so he stuffed it in the mate's mattress and poked it down with'a stick. The most persistent longer respectfully approaches mate and tells him how he has always loved him. \He wants a keepsake from his dear mate. Would the mate sell him his mattress? Mate grins and refuses ten shillings, but later accepts a pound. The purchaser, his heart beating with expectation, takes the mattress ashore and searches it. Not a sou or the colour of a note! The boy —oh, where was he? Ask of the winds that far away with fragments strew the sea. No, they never found the boy or the money. If one may be allowed a comment, Jadbbs' yarn is as much like the cablegram abo (it the Timberman as "Paul and Virginia 11 is like "Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street."

"C.F." writes to say that he has vivid memories of the Jameson Raid of 1895, mentioning that M.A.T. is incorrect in saying that "Dr. Jim" was sen°DR. JIM. tenced to fifteen months' imprisonment; the sentence being six months in the first division, Major Willougliby, "Dr. Jim's" co-partner, being sentenced, too. The raid proved a source of warning to the Boers and yiacle General Joubert say, among other things: "We must close our doors," the Boers making great preparation for the war that began in 1899.