IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, Volume LXI, Issue 199, 23 August 1930, Page 2 (Supplement)

IN MERRIER MOOD

Prize for Best Story § F" or k eßt anecdote sent in each week a prize II! jjj of Five Shillings will be awarded. While in 11; judging preference will be given to local stories, ill [j! contributions need not be original, but in all cases the J fc: ™ „ from which taken should be rtated. The Editor« |:j 111 decision must be regarded as final All anecdotes intended 111 ill for competition must be received at th:s office by the jjj !■: Monday preceding pubhcation. The envelopes contam- jjj ill ing contributions must be endorsed witn the words ji; :: -Anecdote" in the top left-hand corner, and addressed ' 111 Editor "The Auckland Star," Auckland. jjj

ii^iiUiiKiiiliiHHlilHii::ni:ss:::::H::::::sssiss: s::::::::::::::5 The prize this week goes to P. P. Deadman, Kirikopuni, North Auckland, fOT: • HIS RAFFLE. "Sir" wrote tlie distressed debtor in reply 'to a strong letter from the manager of a furnishing firm, demandsettlement of an account long owing, "I°have many, many bills to settle, so each week I put them all ln t i draw out six; these I pay. It may be your turn next week; but no more oi your threats or I won't put you in my raffle." ANOTHER TEST. Husband: How does a woman lookwhen she i$ really startled ? Wife: Give me a £5 pote and find out. " NO FLIES ON HIM. "Tommy, why did you eat the custard?" , . , "Well, ma, you told me to put it where the flies couldn't get at it." HER MISTAKE. Mistress: You don't know where the geyser is ? X tliouglit my last maid, explained it to you before she left? Maid: Well, mum, she did say the old geyser needed polishing up, but I thought she was speaking disrespectfully of you, mum. A WITTY JUDGE. Judge: What extenuating circumstances can you give? Counterfeiter: Please your honour, I made the money to pay for my lodgings. Judge: Very good; it will pay for your board and lodgings for the next seven years. FOR THE CAT. Mrs. Brown was going for a holiday, and left the following note for her neighbour: "Dear Mrs. Black,—Would you please put out a little milk and food for our cat? He will eat almost anything, but do not put yourself out."

A POCKET EDITION. Auntie was in the habit, whenever she bought anything for herself, of buying a similar article in miniature for her niece. Auntie became engaged to a very small man and took him to see her. The child examined him critically, and said: "I like him, auntie, but where is yours 1" THE LAST WORDS. "And can you tell me what were his last words ?" inquired a reporter who was collecting material for the obituary notice of a local character. "He had no last words," was the reply. "You'd better just say his dear wife was with him to the end." ' SCALPS. Willie (to new step-mother): Was your last husband an Indian, mother? Stepma: Why do you ask such a foolish question? Willie: Because I saw some scalps on 'your dressing table. A MORE DELICATE FLAVOUR. The Newgolds had been entertaining the neighbours, and one of the latter remarked: "What splendid cutlery you have!" "Yes," said Mrs. Newgold, "all our knives are stainless. I always think they 'as a more delicate flavour than the stained ones!" REALLY. Knocked down by a big limousine, the pedestrian picked himself up and sliook liis list, not at the burly chauffeur, but at the meek little man looking out of the window behind. "Come out, sir, I'll teach you to knock me down," he roared. "My good sir," said the man, "I am not the master of this vehicle, I'm only the proprietor." - - ,» * FED UP. The dinner came to an end, and the well-fed diners settled down in readiness to listen to the guest of honour's speech. The latter rose, and for fifteen minutes his voice filled the room. "After partaking of such an excellent meal," he went on, "I feel that if I had eaten any more I would have been unable to speak." "Bring him another sandwich," canie a drowsy voice from the rear of the hall. 4 -— THE WICKED BOY. On a bitterly cold day recently a milk boy called at a confectioner's shop. Placing his can on the floor, he asked for a pennyworth of cake and a glass of water. While he was eating the cake the confectioner chatted pleasantly, then he remarked: "I. can understand you getting hungry while going your round, but whatever do you require cold water for on a bitterly cold day like this?" "I'll show you," cried the milk boy as he emptied the glass of water into Ins milk can. "That pays for the cake."

Boss: Mike, I am going to make you a present of this pig. Mike: Sure, an' it's just like you, sorl He: When you promised to obey at the altar you waived certain rights. She:' Yes, but it wasn't a permanent waive." She: Now that we are engaged, dear you'll give me a. ring, won't you? Hc; J Yes, certainly, darling. What's your number ? A: You see that lady over there? She is Mrs. A. I fell in love with her at first sight. What do you think of that! B: I think it would have been better had you taken a second look. 'Who was it that laughed just now?" "I did, sir. But I did not mean to." "What do you mean?" "Well, I laughed up my sleeve, but I did not know there' was a hole in the elbow." Native: If we turn down this Bttle street, cross the alley, and then take the pa,th, it will lead us to the station. Visiting Friend: You seem to know aIL the short cuts! Native: Jes; we have, a lot of flag days here. Boarder (on leaving): Madam, you ar»; one of the most honest persons T h&v* ever met. Landlady: lam glad to hear' you say that, sir. Boarder: Yes, your' honesty is remarkable. On your sign you say " Boarders taken in." "Does your father mind my coming' here?" said Smythe anxiously to Miss' Angelina's small brother, while that young lady was upstairs. ' "No, he ! doesn't care," replied Johnnie. "That's' a blessing," said Smythe, "but are you quite sure? Did you ever hear himsay so?" "Yes, of course I did"; replied Johnnie, "why I heard him talking to mother about it, and he said: 'Well, if Angelina likes to. make a foci of herself, why, let her! 5 "

"I won't give you anything, I wa an income tax collector myself!" ■»««a»!>4wwr-ii i i-- ■ i— miniinTiir" J The Rule. Visitor: I suppose everyone in the, hotel dresses for dinner. Chambermaid: Oh, yes, madam;; meals in bed are charged extra. His Last Place. Would-be Employer: And how long were you in your last place? Old Lag: Three years. ■' 1 Employer: And what were you doing?. Old Lag: Three years. Proof. Wife: Do you think the children are making progress in their singing? Husband: They must be! At fii'st only the man next door complained, but now it's the whole neighbourhood. Which? Teacher: I will give you a lesson not to do stupid things. When you go home to-night, Tommy, write for punishment a hundred times, "I am a stupid donkey, and bring the paper to me signed by your father. A New Polish. "Now," said the lady engaging a new maid. "I always want you to clean the grates with alacrity." _ • "Lord, mum, I've never tried to a® 'em with that before; I generally use blacklead." It Didn't. My little boy was looting at 311 advertisement when he said: "Mum, what is this?" „ "That is vanishing cream. Still looking at the paper, about ten minutes afterwards, he said: "Muni, l still here!"

An Unlucky Precedent. "Why don't you get ™ rrie j' Thomas?" a vicar asked his garden • "You know Adam was a gardener, ana lie had a wife." i "Yes, sir," replied the gardener, he didn't keep his job long after lie g her!"