RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LXI, Issue 133, 7 June 1930, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

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After all, what's a £3,000,000 deficit, if New Zealand can win the Tests ?

It is reported that the only Scotsman in the British. Rugby team takes all the free kicks.

"Bradman, c Mead, b Moyes, 191." The 191 is quite normal, but how did he come to be out? Surely that was an accident. • '

The policy of the Licensing Committee toward women drinkers seems to be, "We' can't stop you, but we won't let you." / • V '

It is proposed that motorists' driving licenses shall each year be of the same colour as their number plates. Why not order each motorist to wear a suit "to tone"? It might begin the "brighter clothes for men" movement.

On Pitcairn Island doors are never locked, and windows are not closed, day or night, for there are no burglars or thieves. It would be rather difficult to be a successful burglar on Pitcairn, if by success is meant getting away with the "swag."

"A shortage of £3,000,000- —that is the position as I find-it," says the Prime Minister. He wanted the public to realise the situation, and, whether by design or not, he put it', very skilfully by Baying "three millions." If he had said thejestimated shortage was ,£2,987,237, who would have remembered that amount?

"A custom peculiar to Buddhists is that of wandering about the country with hammer and chisel and carving holy symbols upon rocks by the wayside." In this commercialised country all some people can do is to paint advertisements on rocks by the wayside.

The manager is as sincere as he is hearty in his dislike of the wing-fbrward. It is fortunate that he uttered his protest when he did. Had he spoken after the Wellington match it might have been suspected that what he disliked was not so much the wingforward as wing-forwards like Porter.

It is hard to believe, but it is on record that a crowd of people rushed away from the totalis&tor at Otaki races so that they might hear the football broadcast, Perhaps they were hard to pick at Otaki that day. Incidentally, the broadcast started after the fourth race, which was won by Tourist, It wasn't a dependable omen.

There is a demand by radio listeners for the abolition of the "silent night." Perhaps the broadcasting officials would save themselves grey hairs by meeting this demand. One suspects that most of the complaints about the quality of broadcasts are written on the "silent /light." The broadcasting policy should be, "We'won't leave them with any time to complain." . ; , . '

After the glowing account of ' the charms of Pitcairn Island given by two men who visited it .by accident, the shipping companies may have their worries increased. Lately they have been hard put to- it 'to keep their ships free of stowaways, but now—well, what could be nicer for a man who feels that life is becoming too strenuous, or one who has just had a quarrel with his wife, than to be left on board a Home-going liner, with a visit to Pitcairn in prospect ? ' ; 1' \; '- V :■'

There are apparently, three kinds of golf—golf (rare), bad golf (very,,common)', and championship golf. Tim first two are played for tho; players' own. enjoyment, but the third (at Jeast-in-Eng-land) seems to be .played for, the spectators, who like . it'so much that •occasionally the playfers liav'e 'to wait luntil they can see somewhere to. put the iball. Perhaps someone will .ky. out a. championship golf course inside Wembley Stadium. Then all the spectators would be able to see all the shots, and perhaps have a little community, singing as well. .

A large number of panaceas for New Zealand's economic ills are being loudly advertised, some by' individuals -and others by resolutions of public bodies. It seems, however, "that, the root cause of our ailments is tho low price paid overseas for our primary products. That being' so, it may be suggested that the following resolution should be passed unanimously by all appropriate public bodies: "That the price of our primary products should go up." A simple, powerful thought like that, passed unanimously by, say, all the Farmers' Unions in the Dominion, should have loud repercussions, not to mention reverberations, all over the world.

The Waikato Show judge who, in the course of his duties had to open and taste hundreds of bottles of jams, preserves and pickles, will have everybody's sympathy, particularly in view of the report that he was overcome four times by sickness/ But was he not surprisingly conscientious? If lie had taken at random a bottle of pickles and declared it the best who would have challenged his decision? If challenged, lie needed only to Bay, "Well, go ahead and taste them all yourself." There is only one pitfall in this method of judging, and it is best illustrated by the story of the woman who when baking cakes for a show, found one cake inconveniently large. She cut it in halves and entered the halves as separate exhibits, One exhibit gained first prize and the other was not placed.

THAT INCOME TAX RETURN, What's that thing that haunts my slumber, And for which my spirits yearn? Doth ray sleeping conscience cumber? — 'Tls the Income Tax return!" Where's the ink and Where's the paper? Where's, the form I've pot to fill? How I hate this yearly caper! 'Tis a bitter, bitter pill! All my soul's afire with rupture! All my mind's ajoy with glee! As I vainly try to capture Figures that will not agree ! AU my heart's alive with peasure, As with. furrowed brow I sit ! Gone are all my hours of leisure , Till I malce the both ends fit! gee enthusiasm stealing O'er the> tired and'weary head! Then there comes the helpless feeling Curses loud and deep are said! Now the yearly budget's finished, And we've earned a year's repose! All our incomes are diminished— Ask the Income Man—he know?! —ELLA BASTEN.