RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LXI, Issue 21, 25 January 1930, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

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It seems that each of the Naval Powers is willing to abolish the variety of warship for which it has no use itself.

"Lord Jellicoedescribed how Mr..Wilford, on a voyage from Japan, wag using chopsticks like the Japanese." How some of the modern Japanese must have envied his skill!

Other records besides rainfall records this'summer have been broken. Not a single fresh remark about the weather is to be heard, and every joke about it is simply tottering with age.

According to a Sydney cable, the broad--3 cast of the speeches at the opening of f the Naval Conference was "satisfactory 3 only from the point of their volume." } That is the one quality in which speeches . are very seldom deficient.

i "It is not generally realised that the . Dominion of New Zealand consists of 20 - islands." I imagine that if high school . children at the end of the year were • asked to name the 20 the question would i be deemed unfair.

, The Governor-General's appeal to the ; "best brains" in the country to confer t with the object of solving the unemploy- . ment problem at once brings us face I to face with an eternal difficulty. Who j have the "best brains," and how shall i they be got together?

The man who, -according to a Napier newspaper, bought an all-day tram , ticket in Auckland, got on the tram at 9.15 a.m. and left it at 8.15 p.m., "having been to every suburb," has undoubtedly solved the harbour transport problem.

"The people of Auckland are entitled to it," said a Hospital Board member when speaking on a proposal to appoint two supervising doctors at £600 each. Lots of us never knew we were entitled to it (or them), but I suppose we shall be convinced when we appreciate that we have to pay for it.

"Such a fiasco was the Kaitaia Aero Club's motor race meeting that at one stage fhs angry spectators threatened to do something violen but, fortunately, they could not decide what to do." The right thing to do in these circumstances is to jump on one's hat, but in this case, the date being early in January arid the hats probably being new, their owner? would have second thoughts about it.

"It has been stated by the medical superintendent of the Auckland Hospital that every twelfth bed is occupied by patients who are there through motor accidents." The superintendent no doubt reads with great interest the news that motor importations have been heavy this year. It won't be Auckland's fault if that "one in twelve" proportion is not increased.

A correspondent asks, "What would you say about a man who plays a loudspeaker for the greater part of the afternoon and then turns it on again at 8 p.m. and keeps it going till midnight, every night, week in and week out?" Most people would cease saying anything , "about" him, and start saying something "at" him.

"Two hundred tramcars were' stopped by the failure of electricity at a peak period on Wednesday. Hundreds of people were late for work, and serious inconvenience was caused to business. Yet nearly evtrybody remained cheerful." Is this because people are so goodnatured that it take* a great deal to ruffle 'them—or can it be that they enjoyed the novelty?

Mr. Coates said that "as Leader of ' the Reform party, he was bound to say I that it was his duty to welcome support ' from anyone who was in accord with the ' objects and principles for which the ' Reform party stood." What a martyr ] to duty Mr. Coates is! An uninformed < reader might imagine that he has so < many followers in the House that any • additions would embarrass him. <

A North Shore. resident who grows 1 fruit was induced to replace his secure < fences with low rock fences. "A few \ days ago he was seen re-erecting the old c fences, strongly reinforced with barbed ' wire," to save the rest of his fruit. So .1 now we know why so many suburban c homes with low fences, or no' fences, 1 ] have a beautiful green lawn- in front of \ them and nothing else. The grass at f least is safe. i ,

WANTED—BRAINS !

Referring in a valedictory address to the question of unemployment, his Excellency the Governor-General suggested that there should be called a conference of '.'.the. best brains of the country" to consider the problem. A local editorial agreed with the suggestion, but urged the exclusion of politicians from such a gathering. And ..S? w the cry rin ss through "the land We want the men with brains!" S,tand up, each bloke whose cranium no ivory contains. Come forth, ye modern Solomons, the i country now expects The service of the citizens with massive intellects; 0 Daniels, coine to judgment now! 0 Solons say the word ! ' Let super-wisdom operate to help the common herd. Now who's in this? You are? And you' Now don't all speak at once! Here, stand back* oaf! Stop crowding, fool! Get out of this, you dunce! Gee! What colossal nerve! Oh, crums! These ignoramuses Don't know this S.O.S. for brains demands just what it says. The common type of cerebellum is "a little dense When statesmanship has got a task that needs a. bit of sense. What baffles me—you see, I'm not a bit "superiah"— Is who will - choose this • congress of Intelligentsia; ~ - And what will grade the standard of each brainy, nomiuee— • ■. ■ j Possession of a fortune or a varsity degree? Suppose they measure occiputs? My word, there'd be a moan If someone got appointed with a'head of solid bone. What-ho, the Highbrows' Union, boys! 1 guess we'd better join. Come on! Display a dash of speed or else a "wad" of coin. Stand on your dig. if someone says "an education test"; If you are blessed with common sense— you're equal to .the best. • Why rush it? Use your brains, my son. It's quite an easy, "lurk" To tabulate the reasons why another bloke should work. . "."••-, On« moment, though, ye aspirants, This feature should be clear. If you've a . bulging forehead, you are welcome "on your ear"; Provided you've ho "dlngbatß in the belfry" 'neath your thatch It's probable that you will be regarded as a "catch"; Professor, lawyer, journalist—you're on the winning card; ' What? You're \n parliament-! Hard luck! - A politician's barred! —E.A.