THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LX, Issue 259, 1 November 1929, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

The desire in New Zealand to reopen an inquest and the decision at Home to leave the law relating to inquests undisturbed may revive memories of the CROWNER'S QUEST, days when the coroner's jury "was invariable ancl not merely occasional. Possibly the reason the invariable coroner's jury was abolished in Aew Zealand was that what amounted to professional juries existed. Newspaper men whose melancholy duty it was to attend crowners quests frequently found what was really a family party. The jury who determined the cause of death of A.B. yesterday would be possibly the jury to determine the cause or death of C'.D. the day after. In short, gentlemen otherwise unemployed and sometimes unemployable were always to be found in the vicinity of the morgue ready to be sworn 1.1 bv the"official authorised in that behalf, lliey were in their way suitable to the occasions, for thev were intensely dismal people both 1:1 manner and appearance. The only real signs of animation the professional ghoul evei showed was when the sergeant missed him or when he arrived too late for the daj s work—and fees.

Sheriff Bigharn, of Texas, in Auckland on business, tells of the law and the profits in the cowboy country. As one didn't see the sheriff telling the stoi,>, TN TEXAS it is not known whether lie had a twinkle in his eve. Ten years ago in Texas a cowboy shot and killed "a Chinese. The body was taken to court and so was the cowboy. Charged with the offence, the cowboy pleaded the natural privilege of the ranchman and the "iuclffe" (presumably a kind of a J.P.) cleclaiea far as lie was aware under the law of' Texas it was no offence to shoot a foreigner. The sheriff mentioned that on the body of the victim there was found a sixsliooter and fifty dollars. In his judicial capacity the judge decided that it was an offence for a foreigner to carry firearms. He would therefore fine the Chinese fiftv dollars and impound his sixshooter. Officials and the public highly applauded this novel finding.

"A.J.S.": Those who cater for the travelling public have noted in sorrow and in anger another evil product of ei\ilised life. The invention of the fountain THE INKY WAY. pen has been followed by the growth of the terrible habit of shaking such pens downwards in order to stimulate the ink flow preparatory to writing. Said one shipping magnate, addressing bis board of directors in a palatial London board room: "I should like to ask passengers to jerk their fountain pens 011 to the blotting pads and not on to the floor. I spoke to the wife of one of our colleagues about the throwing of ink 011 to the carpets of our steamers, and she said, 'I'm afraid it is not an uncommon practice even ashore. I frequently have occasion to speak very plainly to my husband about it.'" Doubtless the passengers who have been liberal with the ink to the embarrassment of the shipping company have merely been trying to make themselves at home on board. One touch of humour makes the whole world kin, and one drop of ink 011 a few million carpets and linos, conveys the impression that fountain pens and pen wielclers are much the same the world over.

The fact that gold is hurtling into London banks from the four corners of the Empire may be of interest to those young New Zealanders who' have never HARD AND COLD. seen any British gold coin unless they were fortunate enough to see men of the U.S. Navy spending it in the absence of "real money.'"' Within the past week gold coin was tendered over an Auckland counter, much to the astonishment of a young assistant who had never seen sovereigns or half-sovereigns before and who, in short, refused to accept the gold in payment. It is not to be inferred, however, that gold coin is not a common sight to some members of the community. Photographers and jewellers frequently possess stocks, and one even knows an ordinary man who possesses an old-fashioned sovereign case in which is imprisoned ten of the best. These pounds, it may be explained for the benefit of the young, are the pounds of twenty shillings and not the pounds of fourteen ounces.

It is deplorable, considered morally, that an already adequately irrigated gentleman should cross the rubber mat of a solemn commercial office, thump the TIME, counter violently and deGENTLEMEN! mand a pint of beer. Viewed from a comedy angle, it is leas deplorable, the staff hardly understanding the language of the applicant. The largest available member of the staff was selected, it_ seems, to say, "Look here, what's all this?" in an official voice. The applicant for medical comforts at once said, "All right, sergeant, I'll go quietly," raised his hat, and was conducted to the swing doors, the staff murmuring sotto voce, "Dear me! Beer? What is beer?" It is psychologically curious that gentlemen of a similar tendency frequently regard any enclosed space as necessarily containing a refreshment parlour. A friend in the force avers that he once found a man knocking loudly at a paling fence, demanding to be admitted, assuring the constable when that official arrived that it was but ten minutes to six although the city clocks were then striking the hour of midnight. This experienced officer, in discussion of psychological novelty, mentions the case of the citizen who stood in front of one of those immovable trade clocks over a Queen Street jeweller's. Comparing the workless clock with his own watch he said thickly, "Goo' grachus; I'm a couple of days slow!"

The bon vivants of Freeman's Bay are lcfraiiiing from any public rejoicing at the cabled news that the champagne supply is larger than for thirty BUBBLY. years, the champagne firms of France having eighty million bottles of the vintage in cellar. There was a time, however, when the Australian proletariat rejoiced greatly over a champagne vintage. A Governor was leaving Melbourne for Home. He thought it would be lather a nice thing to award the working classes the contents of his Avine cellars and several Hundred dozen bottles of champagne ■were given as largesse to the people who hoorayed his Excellency off the premises. The curiously commercial genius of the average Australian was exhibited on this occasion. It was instantly discovered that one bottle of champagne could be exchanged for thirty or forty pints of ale. Connoisseurs among the wharf employees might, of course, sip the pioduct of France, but the average man who obtained this liquid largeese from the Governor exchanged it at tho nearest licensed house for the sustenance his soul loved best. It was considered by the sober Press at the time that a Governor may make two mistakes, one being to refer to Australian "birth stains" and another to give Australians free drinks. A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. There must, in the first place, be knowledge there must be materials; in the second place, there must be a. command of words; in the third place, there must be imagination to place things in such views as they are not commonly seen in; and, in the fourth place, there must be a presence of mind, and a resolution that is not to be overcome by failures— .this last is an essential requisite: for want i u - au,v P eo P le <-lo not excel in-conversation. I —Dn. oohnson,