THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LX, Issue 241, 11 October 1929, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

HOME, JOHN! Here is another candidate for the Government Rest Home —when it comes.—Samaritan officer in Court. When you are old and curly-hocked, And spavined all around, 111. hungry, inefficient, poor. Your bunk the cold, hard ground; Cheerio, old horse! Buck up, old son! Justice will still prevail, The State will always rescue you And give you work in gaol. If you should lose the common touch ("A little weak on top"), Pull up your socks, if socks you have, Brace yourself up and hop, Seek rest and solace, sanctuary, Rest in the best of clubs, Where they will take you gently In And set you digging spuds. Health, kin and friends, all three may go; Your ventilated clothes And toilers' shoes are no disgrace, For, goodness only knows, You couldn't help it; Nature grim Kicks anything she owns. l There's health and strength and lasting rest In ga6l a-cracking stones. There is a cure for feeble minds, 111-health and poverty, A general, universal balm, Free, friend, for you and me! If you don't know enough, my lad, To shelter from the gale, An Angel State a finger crooks And beckons you to gaol. The ancient but exhilarating pastime of suggesting book titles by apparel or other obvious means results in flashes of inspiration. A lady at a RenmTHE NECKLACE, era party suggested a • book by wearing a necklace of peanuts. The inference was apparently too subtle and ultimately the lady had to come to the rescue. The book is called "Beloved of the Gods." Anyone who has been mercilessly shelled in the gallery of a theatre will understand. Another title less subtle was suggested by a lady who led two cherubic children. Instantly the smarter of the folk burst out "The Heavenly Twins." They were wrong. The correct answer is "The Double Event," a sporting thriller by that celebrated best seller Nat Gould. Here's a yarn that's very like a whale, but isn't. A ship's officer tells the tale. He was an officer on a hospital carrier during the operations in the DarJEKYLL danelles in the Great AND HYDE. War. The carrier was an inconspicuous affair and was painted black. It had all its recognition marks painted out. To be frank, the apparently unidentifiable carrier went between Imbrosand Mudros, taking wounded one way and bringing back troops. So one day she came to Imbros with a couple of hundred troops, aboard and lay at anchor without recognition from anybody. She stayed there swinging back and fro in the tide for ten. long, weary days waiting for orders. The skipper and the other officers sighed for torpedoes or shellfire, or anything to break the monotony. One morning at breakfast the captain received a note from the transport officer ashore relative to_ transport A 45. It seems that A 45 was missing. Xo. A 45 with her troops was non est. The captain threw the T.O.'s note over to a junior and remarked: "I say, Black, what's the official number of this ship?" "A 45, sir," trilled the officer. "Why?" The captain leapt to his feet like a startled fawn. "Heavens!"! he cried. "We've been lying here lost for ten days." Officially the ship was a transport one way and a hospital carrier the other. Chemists often have to use tact. One of the best-known pharmacists in Auckland mentions that a lady called on him recently and said: "I want some THE MIXTURE, auto-suggestion," digging into her bag for the money. "I'm sorry," the chemist smiled, "that you can't buy it. You have to learn it." "Oh, yes, you can buy it," said the lady. "A neighbour of mine bought some in a tin in a grocer's shop." "Perhaps," said the chemist, catching at a word like a drowning man catches at a lifebelt, "you mean antiphlogistine ?" "Yes, that's it!" eagerly said the customer. "That's' it, anti-whateveryousaid. How much is it?" One of the reasons for a flat-rate trolleycar fare in United States towns is that there 'are several people in these towns. Understood that one may buzz about FLAT FARES, even from town to town, where the same transport affair runs the linked systems, for a five-cent bit, transfer at a terminus and go on travelling indefinitely. Few people care to do anything so desperate as travel in street cars all day, but still, there are infatuated folks who simply love it. Mentioned at the local flat-rate meeting that the flat-rate system is known even in England and that Manchester (the most densely-populated bit of the Empire) has the flat-rate system. A councillor solemnly remarked that this was the first time he had heard of a flat rate in Manchester. When he was in Manchester twenty-nine years ago there was no flat rate. This definite assurance may lead to other valuable contributions to knowledge. For instance, twenty-nine years ago aeroplanes rarely ever exceeded two hundred and fifty miles per hour. We have Segrave's own assurance that thirty years ago he never attempted to drive a car at a speed exceeding two hundred miles per hour. By the way, thirty years ago the electric trolley car was' almost a novelty, even in the great workingtowns of England and the puffing street steam car had not given up the ghost. How hard it was to get rid of them. has been shown by the way they clung to Takapuna. Dear M.A.T.—As you must know nearly everything, perhaps you can tell me why, when the wife of a medical man appears before the lumc. ,m ftTM public in tMs cit J> she is MRS. MEDICO, referred to as "Mrs. (Dr.) Blank"? In the thrilling accounts of the doings of "those present" one constantly sees this curious designation. Why not "Mrs. (Barrister) Blank" when the lady's husband happens to be a member of the lecral profession, or "Mrs. (Rev.)" when he is" a clergyman, "Mrs. (Merchant)," "Mrs (Banker)," "Mrs. (Dentist)," and so on—all honourable callings, one would think, but not usuallv annexed by the better half? Of course where the lady is a qualified M.D. she is simply "Dr " without the "Mrs.," so why the "Dr" when she is merely "Mrs." ?—Common Sense. Bring up a child in the way he should cr 0 and when he is old he will not depart from it. Thus the child who y$ taught the'nice habit THE CHILD MlND.meat a3 wm tinue it through life. Still, young Freddy, aged six, may in due time subedit the form he at present uses: "For what i we are about to see make us truly thankful." THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. It is' only because they are not used to taste of what is excellent that the generality of people take delight in silly and insipid things, provided they be new.—Goethe. • • ♦ Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove; 0, no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. —Shakespeare.