THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 289, 6 December 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

EXPOUNDING THE OBVIOUS.

"Yes, your Honor, I spoke to him verbally." —Extract from evidence. I often sit and wonder if The trees are made of wood. And If the rain should turn to damp. And why white bread ie food; If duet Ik mnd and mud is dust With all the juice equeezed out. And if my voice is louder when I fill my lungs and shout. If only snow was white and cold. And eking were made of leather. And when it rained and blew like fun The outcome was some weather; If when the sun rose in the morn The darkness vanished soon. And if some day in future timed Night time will bring the moon. I wonder why a girl I know Iβ not somebody's daughter? And if the river we all know Will ever turn to water? Or if green grass should make some hay, Or cream turn Into butter. And if a man who always talks Some spoken words will utter. Dear M.A.T.,—Evidently the silly season is upon us, as that good old hardy annual "Hats in Lifts" has bobbed up again. No doubt the giant goose - THE AGE berry, sea serpent and the OF CHIVALRY, rest will follow. As a persistent hat doffer, it is pleasant to read that there is at least one lady in Auckland who appreciates our humble attempts at courtesy, but that this is not always the case is borne out by the following incident: Not long ago I was mounting the stairs of one of our local hostelries when I noticed a couple commencing to descend. The way was narrow and they were walking abreast, so I stood aside on the landing and waited for them to pass. Imagine my delight to hear the lady whisper to her escort: "See that? Superstitious, eh? Wouldn't pass on the stairs."—lnbad. A London nib writes to M.A.T. to say how quaint it seems to British people to see the Bland Old Man of the Church, Dr. Randall Davidson, give up the NOT A PAWN, monarchy of the Church for the obscurity of a temporal peerage in the House of Lords. He mentions that the retired Archbishop of Canterbury became Primate at the age of fifty-five, the youngest in the history of the Church. Says that he plays a good, though not great, game of chess, as is consistent with the character of a statesman, and has declared that he could claim to represent all the pieces barring the pawn. He has much to do with kings and queens, has lived in two castles, and is both a knight and a bishop. He would swap his aged internal economy for that of any young curate's fresh from college, for he lives for months at a time on milk food. It is not strong meat on which to take so firm a stand in regard to devotional innovation and to retire in support of it. A genuine case of bankruptcy occurred locally yesterday. A boy, exuberant in the possession of sixpence, whirled his arms joyously and lost his A BITE OF SOAP, wealth down a gutter grating. A sympathetic bystander, refraining from ringing up the police,' solaced the lad with a sixpence from hie pocket. The genuineness of the loss is here insisted on because it was not always thus. In older lands and crowded cities dear little lads have been found weeping over gratings bereft of half-crowns. In London, for instance, a lad lost imaginary half-crowns in every district of the metropolis and took up collections from sympathetic bystanders appareo*l/ every day for over a year. He was the Artful Dodger of a minor crime organisation staging street tragedies of the kind. One other artist of the organisation specialised in extremely shabby clothes and- fits. He would select his area and suddenly fall foaming at the mouth. It is history that a Scotland Yard man, suddenly coming on this artist in a seizure, asked the bystanders if anyone could spare a pin. One being forthcoming, he suddenly stimulated the patient, who immediately recovered at the first prod. "Now give me your bit of soap!" snarled the sleuth. The artist was in the habit of masticating soap to simulate the foaming mouth of the epileptic He had been successfully chewing soap for years and years, but apparently never used soap for anything else. Humanity of Christendom is reminded thus early that Christmas is imminent and the necessity of impoverishing oneself on behalf tto rri™ of otßere » tJ »«s obtaining THE GIFT. for oneself a crowiTol .... , 3°y and rejoicing that fadeth not away. The spirit of self-abnegation is richly exhibited in all Christian lands at this unselfish- season of the year when Johnnie borrows bis larger brother's stocking and when children of a larger growth think out schemes of gifts to those business friends who nave been carelessly sending in bills for so long. One is unable to confirm the historic statement that Christmas giving, as far as we understand it, began in the reign of Richard the Lion Heart, who had the wind up about his brother John, and gave him a couple of thousand acres and castles belonging to somebody else in order to palliate him. Since which palliation has become delightfully common, and M.A.T. is sending his storekeeper quite a pretty Christmas card. ' The young deponent, being sworn, saith: I am the owner of a two-seater Infant Boston motor car, upholstered in rich leather. __ In order to preserve the BABV'e ratw rich , neßS l e a«sed to be DAISY s BATH, made removable covers for ft- *i. o j • *. x, the two Beats aforesaid. On the 3rd met., the car being in its shelter at my residence, I rang the telephone at my place of business, communicating with the house and asking that as a washer lady was present the covers be given to her to wash I arrived in due course at my home, and, going to my car, found to my disappointment that the said covers had neither been removed nor washed. I mentioned the circumstance, and was told: "But we couldn't get it off. We tried and tried and tried." "Couldn't get what off*" I asked. "Why, the cover, of course." The ladies of the household had been trying hard to take the hood off. It is the fate of celebrities to be sometimes mistaken for humbler members of the human family, and we have lately been informed that vtrirtvn Tvnn»,»- there lived on the royal PICKING DOUBLES, estate of Windsor a gentleman who was frequently mistaken for the King himself For years and years thousands of people doffed their hats to a Welsh shopkeeper in the belief fw "m r- ° 7d ( l eorge - Ifc was 8O Persistent We have still with ue in Auckland a dis-tinguished-looking gentleman who during Lord Ranfurly's Governorship was unable to escape the adoration of the proletariat, who believed «,» ?f " Our Gloved cousin, Uchter John Mark. People prize photographs of celebrities, and yesterday a little girl, having cut a photograph from the picture pages of the "Star" took it to her teacher and showed it to her with the remark, "Here's our postman." As ™.£l 2** !t wae an excellent likeness of thft BJgbjt. Honourable*. €L Coatea* P£L