IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 279, 24 November 1928, Page 2 (Supplement)

IN MERRIER MOOD

M Pv»V/» For * e best anecdote sent in each week a prize of g *■ I M.C pi ve Shillings will be awarded. While in judging lliiffl fOY preference will be given to local stories, contribuHMII juj onj need not ba or . g . nal) b all cases the §»!! BeSt source from which taken should be statea. The § €#«*«, Editor's decision must be regarded as final. All OWry anec dotes intended for. competition must be 1 received at this office by the Monday preceding 1 publication. The envelopes containing contributions must be endorsed with the words "Anecdote in the top left-hand I corner, and addressed Editor, "The Auckland Star, Auckland

The prize this week goes to Miss E. M. .Wooldrfdge, 34, Arn'ey Crescent, Remuera, for .. A FALLEN. ANGEL. A costenvoman was up before the court for being drunk and disorderly. Judge: What is your name? Woman: Angel, dearie. Judge: Where do you live? Woman: Heaven, dearie. Judge: How did you get here? Woman: Slid down a rainbow, dearie. Judge: 50/ for skylarking. WELL RECOMMENDED. Mistress: You say you are well recommended? Maid: Indeed I am, ma'am. I have 23 good references. "And how long have you been in service?" "Almost a year, ma'am." THE FALL OF TYRE. "What happened to Babylon?" asked the Sunday school teacher. "It fell!" cried the pupil. "And what became of Ninevah?" "It was destroyed." "And what of Tyre?" "Punctured!" GRAVE AND GAY. The following epitaph may amuse those who have a soul for poetry: Under this stone, aged three score and ten, Lie the remains of William Wood-hen. KB.—For "hen" read "cock," as "cock" wouldn't rhyme. NO CAUSE FOR ALARM. "Harold," she said, .after she had rested ■ for a moment on his manly breast, 'T believe you have heart disease!" "Calm yourself, darling," he replied. "My heart's all right. I'm helping Prof. Lightfinger with his sleight-of-hand performance to-night. That's a-rabbit." CORRECT. The Sunday school teacher had been giving a lesson on the baptismal covenant. "Now," she said, to her young dhaiges, "cam any of you tell me the two things necessary to baptism?" "Yes'm," said a small boy from the back of the class, "I can: water and baby." NO REBATE. Tthe Judge gazed sternly at the prisoner. "How many times have you been convicted before ?'" he inquired. "Six, my lord," came the reply. "Then I shall give you the maximum sentenee." "Maximum!" exclaimed the prisoner. "Don't regular customers get a rebate?" THE DIFFERENCE. A Scotsman and an Englishman were indulging in an argument about their respective countries. "Well, after all," said the latter at last, "there is very little difference between the Englishman and the Scotsman." "Perhaps you are right there," retorted the Scot, "but thank God for the difference!" STORY OF THE DAY. After propounding to his congregation strong views on a controversial topie, the country parson confessed that commentators did not agree with him. A farmer-parishoner evidently came out of a doze at this point, for next day there was delivered to the Rectory a sack of potatoes, with the note: "Mr. Z hopes these will!" PLUCKY TO THE LAST. An English tourist was recently spending his holidays in Scotland, when he met a very old native. In the course of conversation the tourist tfsked the native' how.old he was. "I am 100," said the old man. "I rather doubt that you will see another hundred," said the tourist. "Aa dinna ken, mon," said the old man. "Aa's stronger the noo than when I started the first hundred!"

■ 111 111'111 iH BBlil Reward. Beggar: You have given me fed' shilling, sir. , . Philanthropist: Keep it for' your ' honesty. Cool. "We gave the umpire fifty shillings to let us win the game." "And still you lost?" "Yes—the umpire was crooked." Mother's Failing. "My doll is more clever than Mamma," "How is that?" "Mamma only has red lips in the daytime, my doll always has one." His Destiny. Spectator: That referee looks as if he'll get into hot water when the match is over. Local Supporter: 'E won't. 'E's goin' in the 'orse trough! Sympathy. " Bride-to-be: Well, what did your friend say when you showed him my photograph? „ Her Fiance: Nothing; he just pressed my hand in silence. His Method. "There's a young man I know who . makes little things count." "How does he do it ?" "Teaches arithmetic in an Infant school!"

—"London Opinion." - All Busy. "Where is your mother, Johnny?" "Playing golf." "And your aunt?" "She is out on lier bike." "And your sister?" • "She is gone to the gymnasium." "Then I'll see your father, please.""He can't come down now. Ho is upstairs giving the baby a bath." ■ • . i Would Not "Brown." The Rev. John Brown was in the habit on festive occasions of proposing the health of a certain young lady as his favourite toast. Noticing that he had abruptly abandoned the practice, a curious acquaintance asked him the reason. "Because," said he, sadly, "I have toasted her for 16 years without being able to make her Brown, and 60 I've resolved to toast her no longer." 46 Turned. An elderly gentleman applied for the vacancy of traveller. He was very grey and certainly did not present a youthful appearance. In the course of an interview with the principal he was asked his age. "I have turned' 46, sir," he replied.' "What," exclaimed the principal, "do you mean to say you are only in your forties ?" "No," he answered. "My age is 64, so I have just turned 46."